I ask people if there's anything wrong with my site. They always tell me, "Well, of course there is. You never interviewed Edward--that's what's wrong with it!!"
Today I aim to fix that. Today I contacted Ed via her home computer and we had a little chat. And I've come to realize they're right--a website isn't a website if you don't have at least one interview with Edward posted on it. That's why Yahoo.com is in such trouble. Ed's full name is Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth and she's currently renowned as the most genius computer hacker in the galaxy, at a very young age.
Greetings Edward. I know you're a busy hack, so thank you for a minute of your time.
BONZAI, BATHTOY, WISEGUY, WATERBOY!!! WHEEEEEOOOOO!!!
Okay, first off, let's get this out of the way. You and Keanu Reeves--any comment?
EDWARD IS AFRAID OF THE BEBOP TOILET! IT TRIED TO KILL EDWARD! REALLY! IT HAD A MACHINE GUN, BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOM!!!
Thanks for clearing that up. Are you good friends with your creator, Shinichiro Watanabe? Do you go out and do stuff?
EDWARD IS DANCING IN A DAISY FIELD!! THEY SMELL LIKE GASOLINE!! WOOO WOOOOOOO!!!
I saw an ad in the paper this morning, Ed. Do you plan on going to this?
HA! EDWARD IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY TO SEE A MOVIE! BESIDES, BERNIE MAC IS NOT EDWARD. EDWARD IS EDWARD!!
Is that who's playing you? I realize he's effeminate enough, but I'm sorry.
IT'S OKAY! EDWARD FEELING KAY-O! DOING! ZOOM!!! I NAMED MY COMPUTER TOMATO!! TO-MAAAAA-TO!
Okay, moving on...you took some considerable heat for your anti-war remarks during the invasion of Iraq last March. Do you regret speaking out?
I'M HUNGLY! MAY I PLEASE HAVE TWO BEAFBOALS??
Right. So, tell us about your childhood.
I WAS RAISED BY A CUP OF COFFEE!!
Interesting. So, how'd you wind up here?
TWAS THE PRIDE OF THE PEACHES!!
Twas the pride of the peaches, huh? You got any last remarks?
UHH...DON'T FAKE THE FUNK ON A NASTY DUNK!!!
Okay. Interview over. Commence BEATING!
BLAM! POW! BANG!
"Men are such idiots."
Click Faye's comment to return to the main page, OR...look at my original version of this page, wherein I used a very cool HTML trick to put a black fade around all text on the screen, to make Edward's words more defined from his head. Unfortunately, this also made the screen very slow. This is the superior page, though...if you've got a powerful enough computer, check it out. If you're seeing this through a phone line, don't bother.