FALL 1989....

A time of great suspicion and paranoia. What was this ALF character really about? Did he come to this planet bringing peace, or were his motives to insert subliminal right-wing messages into his cartoons?
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Actually, forget Alf -- what had Roseanne come bringing? You may not believe me, but contrary to everything you know about fame equating beauty, a 300-pound warty gigantess was once on the cover of every checkstand tabloid.

That is some amazing surgery there.


Remember when Oprah only had 250 million dollars?

If they thought these were male-bashing characters, they hadn't seen anything yet.

In that order?

Why.....why are there big-nosed gremlins hanging around Pat and Vanna? You're seeing them too, right? It's not in my head?

We found out, all right.


That was a Community reference, for all you philistines out there.

Did she just shrink them with her powers? If not, then I don't care about this.

A lot of shows have done the "falling in love with a princess" plot, but I didn't think The Hogan Family was among them. It's already a stretched premise and when you put the likes of the Hogans into it....

Um.....um.... Never mind.

Check this insanity out. It stars Ferris Bueller's principal as a cartoonist whose imagination is so powerful that anything he thinks up comes to life and terrorizes his family. Honest, that's the premise. Can you imagine something like this getting on CBS today? The old fogies would be so confounded.

Here's the "she's really a WITCH" series that TV seems to get every few seasons (there hasn't been one in a while; we're due). For a touch of anvil-sized irony, Alyson Hannigan plays one of the kids in this.

Actresses that would become famous in the future seemed to be a theme among the failed shows in the Fall Preview issue. Try to spot the stars in this one.

Answers: Top right -- Alyssa Milano; bottom right -- Halle Berry; bottom center -- Leah Remini.

Every network had a competing Halloween special that year, which never happens today. CBS aired "Garfield's Halloween Adventure" and NBC countered with this:

Rue McClenahan as an evil sorceress banished to rule an underworld full of creatures that are "half-reptile and half-game-show-contestant"...I'm just typing what they give me. I'll be very surprised if no one on the Internet has snark-reviewed this one yet.

Speaking of witches, "Free Spirit" melted in four months and was replaced with this:

Dallas, the old warhorse, was going into its thirteenth season. This show has been around so long that it's still on!

No, that's not Urkel, it's Aunt Nana. The show's breakout star hadn't been invented yet. The show's producers thought they were making an African-American Full House. If that had been the case, we wouldn't be bringing it up now, and Reginald VelJohnson would concievably have had a longer career.

You think this worked out for them? I think it worked out.

Were they showing roller derby on TV back then? The description for this program mentions "Four hazards including an alligator pit and the Wall of Death," so if they were, roller derby has mellowed now.

This was Page 1 of a two-page ad. I thought I'd only scan the first one for my own amusement.

I hope someone taped this.

In listed order: Alison LaPlaca (nowhere), Richard Tyson (nowhere), Christina Applegate (one point so far), Alex Rocco (kind of, but he's not huge), Kimberly Foster (nowhere), Meredith Vieira (two points), Neil Patrick Harris (four points), Patrick Petersen (nowhere), Khrystyne Haje (nowhere, and if my parents spelled "Christine" this way I would get my revenge eventually), Sasha Mitchell (Step By Step, then prison) and finally Paul Winfield (been somewhere before this list).

I really hope someone taped this.