| YES, VIRGINIA (abc, 1974) | |
Why was it such a misfit? Dear
Editor, In 1897, a young girl wrote to a New York newspaper asking its EIC if Santa was real. The answer an uncredited man named Francis Pharcellus Church gave back was a bald-faced lie, but he lied so eloquently that everyone was driven to tears, and a timeless Christmas legend was born -- a legend people have since tried repeatedly to stretch into a full three-act plot structure. Backstory: I finally found a VHS recording, taped in Portland, of A Wish For Wings That Work, the Bloom County Christmas special I was denied so many years ago. Now I could see it exactly as I would have, but the tape also contained what aired before it in our market. That happened to be some kind of local charity marathon that was periodically interrupted by syndicated holiday cartoon specials. One of them was a 1974 dramatization of the Virginia story with character designs out of Schoolhouse Rock. I was not aware it existed, but since I now have THREE different TV specials about this same story, I might as well cover them.
After a theme song by Jimmy Osmond, we fade in on a teacher giving her children their homework assignment: they're to write compositions about Christmas. Virginia immediately pipes up and says, "Miss Taylor, I'm gonna write about why I believe in Santa Claus!" The entire room erupts in laughter. Eight years old is a bit late to be clinging to this, when you think about it. Most kids in my class learned the truth at seven.
When Virginia exits the class, she gets a ribbing from Billy, the class bully. "Believing in Santa
is kids stuff! You should hear my brother Jim. He's all
grown up; he's fourteen! And the more grown up you are,
the less you believe in stuff! Jim don't believe in
NOTHIN'." Virginia hopes she does get to meet Santa because she has a present request, and it's a pretty wild one: she wants a big brother like Billy's. "Not a little brother, a BIG ONE, like fifteen or sixteen years old!" Kids who make wishes to Santa in holiday cartoons tend to get their wishes granted. Is a teenage boy suddenly going to appear out of nowhere in Virginia's house on Christmas morning? What will her mother think?
Traffic lights don't
exist in Virginia's time, so a traffic cop has to help
the children cross the street. Virginia takes that brief
moment to ask the cop what is true. The policeman gets nervous for a moment, but then thinks of a way out of it: "Well, I haven't seen any leprechauns either, but that doesn't mean they aren't there." He is Irish like every other cartoon cop of the 20th century; he would know. Virginia also asks the man at the candy store the same question. He acts like he's never heard of Santa before, which is weird. Virginia has to describe who he is and what he does. "Tell you what, I have not seen such a man, but he sounds very nice. if he were to come inside my store, I would give him a Hannukah gift." I hope the implication isn't that he's unfamiliar with Santa because of THAT.
The kids next stop by the Cantonese Grill and ask the chef the same question, and....uhh, I'm gonna skip this part, if it's alright with you.
When Virginia asks her father about Santa, he gives her a stereo-opticon (a popular 1890s device that let people view photos in 3D). "You see, Virginia, there are people who can only believe in what they see. What do you see in that picture?" Virginia looks.
"The Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria." Well, everyone knows THAT'S not true now....plenty of people thought the Earth was round in the 15th century, and that wasn't the point of the voyage, and this isn't even getting into Columbus himself, and Asian restaurant owners don't bow to everyone and speak like Mr. Miyagi, and Jewish people have freakin' heard about Santa Claus.....I guess now I know why this special doesn't get much airplay anymore. Her dad also mentions the telegraph, the light bulb and the telephone, which is where his analogy completely falls apart, as those three things came about through science, and there's a difference between believing an experiment will work because you've physically tested it a thousand times, and believing a fat man in a suit will break into your house while you're sleeping with no evidence whatsoever.
1500 stereotypes later, Virginia finally gets her copy of the New York Sun from the newsboy and gets her idea of writing to the editor. She runs the notion past her pop first, because he has to spout "If they say it in the Sun, it's so" so she can mention it in the letter. Then she plunks it in the mailbox and waits.
After a commercial break the focus shifts to the New York Sun and Mr. Church, here depicted as a barking J. Jonah Jameson type. The first time we see him he's yelling into an old timey phone, "ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT OUR EDITORIALS AND FEATURES IS...BAH HUMBUG!!" His secretary walks in.
"I have something for you, sir...it's a letter from
a little girl..." He scans the letter briefly, and just when you think the plot is advancing, he yells "Miss Pine, I am trying to run a NEWSPAPER here, not a KINDERGARTEN!" He does nothing with it. When Virgnia looks in the paper the next day she's disappointed not to see her letter, but her father tells her it's unlikely to be printed within one day.
The one who actually gets the ball rolling is the newsboy, who walks into Church's office and says he's there "on behalf of a friend." "Are you in
the....newspaper business?" Church asks. "Well, sir, this
friend of mine wrote to you, Virginia O'Hanlon...."
Mr. Church walks around town that evening, scribbling on a notepad while watching seasonal pleasantries like carolers. Meanwhile, Virginia is still getting dragged by her friends for believing in Santa Claus -- and believing her letter will be printed on top of that. "Let's give that
snowman a hat made from the Sun....I mean, that's all the
Sun is good for." "You're mean and
nasty, all of you!"
Finally it's the day the compositions are to be turned in, and talk about pressure -- the kids have to read them on a large stage in front of all their parents. Virginia is just sitting there in the front row weeping, poor kid. Her teacher starts the presentation, though, with some updated news: "One of our students, Virginia O'Hanlon, hoped to do an essay entitled 'Why I Believe In Santa Claus.' Well, we don't have a composition to read to you today because Virginia, in her search for truth, is responsible for a most remarkable editorial...which is featured in today's New York Sun!"
When they next cut to Virginia she's still crying, but it's tears of joy as the teacher reads the editor's famous response aloud. "No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives, and he lives forever! A thousand years from now, nay, ten times a thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the hearts of childhood." Once the teacher is finished, everyone cheers and rallies around Virginia! All her former bullies apologize! The policeman dances a jig! Billy confesses he actually has a crush on Virginia and THAT'S why he was mean! A 16-year-old human suddenly poofs into existence under Virginia's Christmas tree, and her mother just assumes she gave birth to it and forgot! EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOREVER!
There's a final "surprise" after the commercial break where the narrator shows the pictures of the real Virginia, her real father and the real Mr. Church, before revealing his own true self -- SANTA CLAUS! He appears there at the presentation in front of everyone! I guess that settles that debate... For the record, the actual narrator was Jim Backus.
Why didn't it fit in? |
