Why was it such a misfit?

Walt Kelly's famous comic strip Pogo looks and feels so much like a cartoon that you'd think one would have happened, especially given the man's ties to Disney. But he only attempted it once, and never again. The Pogo Special Birthday Special stands alone as the only fully animated, fully released cartoon based on the strip under his supervision.

Infamously, Kelly hated the finished product and disowned it upon release. This is despite the fact that he wrote the script and penned all the songs. He hated the voices and he DID half the voices. He didn't really do the animation, but THAT was handled by Chuck "Amuck" Jones himself. You could not land better animation talent on television in the late 60s. If he really didn't care for this, what did he want?

"If I'm an animator, why don't I just do the whole thing myself?" Kelly must have thought, and started working solo on a second special, We Have Met The Enemy And He Is Us, an ecological cartoon sprung from the hit PSA poster of Pogo picking up trash with a stick while saying that. But before Kelly could finish that cartoon, he croaked. There was a separate project afterward, a stop-motion movie called I Go Pogo, but it was barely released and has the shame of being one of the first direct-to-video movies ever, debuting at Fotomat booths of all places in 1980.

The Pogo Special Birthday Special is really as good as things got. And despite Kelly's own opinion of it, I don't think it's that bad.

The first character to appear onscreen is a dancing bear in a strawboat hat. I forget this guy's name, but his main gimmick in the strip was talking in a large 19th century circus poster font, something that's impossible to recreate here -- though they get as close as they can. When he says the title of the show, it's reproduced in fromt of him in his signature font. The point of the font was to imply the bear was loud and boisterous, like a circus ringleader, and here they can just suggest that by having him talk.

For the viewers who didn't read the papers, the bear introduces all the major players with their own individual poster cards. There's Pogo Possum "in the exacting role of Pogo Possum," Albert the "alligator by trade," Churchy LaFemme, "a genine tortoise shell game mogul," Howland Owl the "hot firecracker salesman," and a few others, including Fremont, who is just described as "a bug."

The special opens with Pogo in his most common place, on a boat in the middle of the Okeefenokee Swamp -- the difference is that this time Churchy is playing the part of a gondola operator, gliding the dinghy along with a long pole while singing opera. His tune is soon interrupted out of nowhere by a mangled version of Jingle Bells, belted out by Beauregard the Hound Dog. He and Albert are arguing over the proper lyrics to the song. Neither of them have it anywhere close to right.

It never hit me until I saw this cartoon, but the closest modern equivalent to Pogo might be Homestar Runner. Both take place in anarchic worlds with no governance or rules, both ignore plot structure and have events just happen that spiral into one another, and both forgo traditional joke-telling in favor of nonsense dialogue and wacky interactions between the characters. The main difference is that, obviously, Kelly's lavish, detailed forest art looks better than the simple backgrounds of a Flash cartoon. But if you like one, you'll probably be into the other.

There is one thing both Pogo and Churchy are certain of -- today's a special holiday. They just can't agree on what holiday it is. Pogo doesn't think it's Christmas because it happens to be the "month of Octember," but Churchy says it feels more like the "Third of Julee." Pogo counters with a fervent belief that it's Arbor Day. Complicating their thought process further is Bun Rab the rabbit, a "one man band" who frequently appears banging his giant drum. Bun Rab doesn't know what holiday it is either and has decided to herald all of them at once. "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! GUY FAWKES DAY! THANKS-FOR-GIVING! BOXING DAY! FAT TUESDAY!" he yells.

For the most part, the voices are close enough to what I heard in my head, but I wasn't expecting June Foray's voice to come out of Pogo himself. Her take on the possum is a lower-pitched, Cajun-accented variant of her Rocky voice. As for the others, since individual voices were not credited, there is no way to tell who did what. Kelly did some voices, but so did Chuck Jones, and I'll never know exactly who in either case. Beauregard sounds exactly like Alexander Graham Wolf from Raggedy Ann And Andy In The Great Santa Claus Caper, also directed by Chuck Jones. That voice is credited to Les Tremayne, so...one mystery solved.

When Bun Rab is passing Porkypine, the resident Oscar the Grouch, he happens to be yelling "VALENTINE'S DAY." Porkypine has been sulking in a hammock and giving off-hand comments on how dumb Pogo and Churchy's conversation is, but he does have a soft spot -- for Mam'selle Hepzibah, the neighborhood skunk. He leaps off the hammock and runs. If it's Valentine's Day he's got to find a valentime, and quick, or someone else could sweep the foul-odored French maid off her feet before him.

One off-camera trip later, Porkypine has in his hands what he admits isn't the best present in the world, but the best he could do on short notice. It's a small potted cactus, and as Porkypine walks toward Hepzibah's place, he counts his hopes by plucking the needles off the cactus while saying "She loves me, she loves me not...."

Pogo finds out about what Porkypine is planning and races as fast as he can to Hepzibah's. He figures if Mam'selle rejects him, "Porky'll probably commit himself a piece of suicide!" Fortunately opossums are much faster than porcupines (I guess) and Pogo is able to give his warning.

"From what I understands you no wish me to reject this little porcupines, no?" Hepzibah says in response. "Because 'e is think 'e in love with me? All zis I comprehend, and oui be kind." Then she leans toward Pogo and says seductively, "But what I do not understands is, why do you not zpeak for yourzelf?" Then she smooches his nose, which makes him turn beet red.

Cut to Pogo walking away with his hands behind his back, muttering "Why me? Why do I have to be so attractive? Why do I have to have all the good looks? Why couldn't there be some left over for people less fortunate? Why?"

Fortunately for Porkypine, he arrives too late to see any of that. He goes over his cactus with a hair comb to make sure all the needles are straight, then dress-rehearses a poem he made up on the spot. Finally he gets up his nerve and steps out from behind the tree.

So after watching this cartoon, and particularly this scene.....the only reason I can think of that Mam'selle Hepzibah doesn't have a huge following in the furry community is that they simply aren't aware she exists. Or they've never seen THIS:

Why was it such a misfit?

I've had this lying around in case of emergencies. Seems it's time to pull it off the shelf. I wish I could say this is a special about Dr. Elmo, singer of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, saving Christmas, but it's not. This marks a specific point in Sesame Street history: the point where it started switching from an ensemble cast to All Elmo, All The Time.

Despite getting the focus here, Elmo had not taken over the show yet. This was the "Around The Corner" era, the first major remodel of the set, that added a block's worth of extra buildings including Gina's Day Care, Finders Keepers (staffed by Ruth Buzzi of Laugh-In fame) and the Fuzzy Arms Hotel. The show had the largest cast of regulars it would ever have. Then came 1996.

The "Elmo Saves Christmas" VHS was not the only Elmo product to be released that season. There was also a stuffed doll with a motor inside that vibrated whenever you tickled the doll's belly. The Elmo doll would also giggle when you did this. Somehow, this was a formula potent enough to be desired by every kid in the world. From that point, all bets were off. The masses had spoken. They wanted Elmo first and foremost -- not Big Bird, not Cookie Monster, THIS was the focus now.

The framing device is a few Sesame Street Muppets and kids hanging around a living room, listening to their friend Maya Angelou tell a story. "Did Elmo ever tell you about the time he saved Christmas? It all began....on Christmas Eve....on Sesame Street...."

The residents of Sesame Street are running around, doing Christmas-y things while singing about it. I don't have access to any captions for this song, and I've gone over this lyric nine times and I'm certain THIS is what they're saying: "So grab a turkey leg awry, and wrap it in some pumpkin pie, 'cause Santa's up there in the SKY.....it's Christmas, again!" ...Okay.

Everyone's overjoyed that it's Christmas Eve...except Big Bird. His problem is that Snuffleuphagus is leaving to see his family over the holidays. Big Bird just found out about this now, last minute, and he was really looking forward to spending Christmas with his formerly-imaginary friend.

"Aw relax, Bird...ya know, it's only for one day," Snuffle points out.
This cheers Big Bird up a little. "Hey, you're right! It IS only one day! You can see your family that day and then I can see you the very NEXT day!" Funny how that works out.

Elmo is determined, THIS year, to stay awake long enough to catch Santa in the act of stuffing his stocking. He's always wanted to meet the jolly man, but usually falls asleep first. But this year he WON'T because he's got a big plate of cookies and the sugar wll be enough to keep Elmo WIRED so he can....oh, he's already zonked out.

What's fortunate for Elmo is that Santa ends up making enough noise to wake him anyway. Asleep on the recliner, he's stirred up by yelling and clattering from the chimney. Santa has gotten himself STUCK there. And he finds it rather humilating, as he's done this billions of times before with no issue.

"Elmo, is that you?" Santa calls out. "You've gotta help me get out. Christmas depends on it! Grab my legs."
Elmo does so and pulls with all his monster might. Santa pops out and lands with a thud in his living room.

Santa is played by Charles Durning. He tells Elmo that the problem is his sack feels...LARGER than it should. He opens the bag to find one of his reindeer-in-training, Lightning, hiding inside as a stowaway. "Gee whiz, sir, I just wanted to ride in your sleigh to see how it feels!" Lightning confesses.

As a reward for rescuing Santa, Elmo is presented with two choices: "this stuffed pink bear, or this magical snow globe."
"OOO, ELMO LIKES THE BEAR."
"You sure, Elmo?" says the reindeer. "I mean, that other prize grants you three wishes...."
"WHAT? GET OUTTA HERE! ELMO PICKS THE SNOW GLOBE THEN."

"To use that snow globe, you've first got to shake it. Then you say your wish, and finally you say "BLITZEN"....and the wish will be granted. Try it out."
"OKAY!" Elmo goes "WISHWISHWISHWISHWISH" while shaking the globe like crazy. Then he wishes for a glass of water.

"Why a GLASS OF WATER?" asks the reindeer.
"WELL, ELMO WAS THIRSTY!" he states.

"No, you gotta think bigger than that! Save your other two wishes for something important." With that last tip, Santa leaves, putting way too much faith in Elmo's intelligence.

The next morning Elmo is receiving presents from his neighbors, savoring the merriness in the air, and wishing Christmas would last all year round. "HEY WAIT -- THAT SHOULD BE ELMO'S SECOND WISH! I'LL WISH FOR CHRISTMAS ALL YEAR!" He shakes the globe, states his wish and yells "BLITZEN." Nothing seems to have changed at first, but then Elmo checks the TV news.

KERMIT!! We're still in the era where the show can have him! The Muppets wouldn't be sold to Disney for many years, but there was a period when they were owned by a German company before that. The roving reporter states that "there's amazing news, folks! Tomorrow it will be Christmas AGAIN!"
The gang in Hooper's Store, watching the announcement, are all astonished.
"Christmas AGAIN! That makes one, TWO Christmases! Ah, ah, ah!" says the Count.

The first people to really notice that Christmas isn't over, though, are the ones it affects the most -- the elves of the North Pole. Just as they're about ready to go on vacation, sirens start going off, signaling for everyone to go back to work. A few of them barge into Santa's office and yell, "Did you give three wishes to someone AGAIN??"

"Yeah.....the little red monster on Sesame Street. Hitch up the sleigh, I'll go talk to him."

Back on the street, Santa explains to Elmo, mostly in song, that having Christmas all year round will just ruin it for everybody, and he should use his third wish to undo his second wish. Elmo's gerbil brain just can't comprehend it. So Lightning has another idea: he'll use the sleigh to take Elmo into the future, and once he sees the consequences of his wish, he'll finally get the point. Elmo is like "YAAAAY, FREE SLEIGH RIDE" and has no idea of the horrors that await him. If you ever wondered what a post-apocalyptic Sesame Street would be like, you're about to get a taste.

You know, this special might have been better if Big Bird was carrying the main plot instead of being shoved to the side. Both Elmo and Big Bird are written to resemble the three-year-olds watching, so they can impart life lessons easier, but BB's childlike naivete comes off as endearing, whereas Elmo....his in-your-face brand of stupidity and his tendency to SCREAM every sentence is really wearing me out. I need a break.

I guess we're switching back to Pogo.

*******************************************************************

Albert and Beauregard are still trying to figure out what Christmas is all about. They don't come remotely as close as Charlie Brown did to the answer. Albert is certain a Christmas Tree is when you wrap a live dog in a string of lights, stick him with branches and perch a little star on his head. Beauregard would argue, but...he knows even less.

Despite his central-cast status in the strip, it takes half the special for Howland Owl to make an appearance, and all he really does in this is sell firecrackers with Churchy. When Albert sees Howland and Churchy walk past, he realizes what his tree is missing: red candles! He buys a bucketful, places them all around and strikes up a match.

There's a louid boom off-camera, followed by Albert running for his life, one angry pooch snapping at his heels.

It isn't explained why, but Pogo is now riding a Bicycle Built For Two with Mam'selle in the second seat. They watch Beauregard chase Albert off into the distance, and Pogo remarks "They's trying to explode some myths abour Christmas...when actually, today's Arbor Day, what comes on the Fourth of July this year."

"You know what holiday I zink today really iz, Pogo?" Mam'selle says. "I think it's Porkypine's birthday!" She gave her gift cactus some water earlier, and it's looking much better now, sprouting an entire beehive of flowers. She's feeling like doing Porky a favor in return.

"HEY!" Pogo's face lights up. "GREAT IDEA! Porky's a natural-born Norphan, and ain't got no birthday. So why can't we celebrate it anytime we please?"
"Ve will gift him a surprise party!"
"A perfect suggestion! Ya see, Porky comes from a long line of Norphans, so he ain't got any family birthday neither."
"Pogo! Why don't we make it a Family Birthday Surprise Party? We will tell everyone but Porky."

So this is now THAT story....the one that was in half the Little Golden Books I owned, that old plot where someone thinks their friends are ignoring them when in reality they're actually planning a party for them behind their back. It's been done so many times there's a TV Tropes page about it. This special has an excuse though: according to the credits, one "Todd Kausen, Age 7" had the idea for the Family Birthday, so it literally came from a kid. He must've had the same books.

It's time for the appearance of that previously established bug. He turns out to be of toddler age and Howland sells him a firecracker. He plops what is comparatively a giant stick next to him, and says to his mother "See how it brings out the color in his eyes?"

His mom is a bit worried about this. "Do you think that's his size? I'm not sure he takes an Extra Large in firecracker."
"Madam, if it had been tailored for him, it couldn't have fit better," Churchy says with his nose in the air.
"Plus, we offer an insurance policy with each and every purchase," Howland adds, rolling it out.

After the bugs leave, Churchy says "let's find some more kids."
Porkypine enters the frame at that moment and asks, "But is firecrackers good for kids?"

Churchy gets a sour look and says back, "When we want your advice, we'll ask for it."
Then he turns to Howland and asks concerningly, "Is firecrackers good for kids?"

It doesn't take Porkypine long to sense something big is going on in the swamp and the others are trying to hide it from him. He sees a bug sliding a heavy present along the ground and asks him where he's headed. "To the party....AW SHOOT! I was supposed to tell everybody BUT him!" The bug runs away. Later he eavesdrops a conversation inside Hepzibah's tree and confirms that yes, there's some kind of party going on and, from his POV, he seems to be the only uninvited one. He also gets a present ribbon tied to his finger when he sticks it through the window, but he's just too depressed now to remove it, so he walks around with the present attached to his hand for the next few minutes.

Theree's one more neglected character we need to introduce before we push this to its conclusion: Basil the Butterfly, who randomly crashes onto Pogo's fuzzy forehead and offers his own opinion on what day it is: "It's NATIONAL BUTTERFLY WEEK, of course!"

Porkypine walks by, sees Pogo with Basil on his head and assumes it's a ribbon. "Good afternoon, madam. You must be Pogo's ugly sister Spetunia."
Pogo doesn't like that. If Porkypine wants to be invited to more parties he's not trying very hard.

Finally we get to the inevitable point: Porkypine decides he'd at least better return the present stuck to his finger to Hepzibah's place, as he wouldn't want to be accused of stealing it. So he has a sad walk through the swamp and the trees until he opens the door, starts explaining "I brought back the present which I inadvertently didn't steal from you'' -- and the lights go on and everybody yells.

It's not just yelling...it's the banging of drums! It's the firing of fireworks! It's Porkypine suddenly getting buried in more wrapped gifts than he knows what to do with! And the look on his face is...utter confusion. I mean, it's NOT his birthday.

This party also isn't really his style. Porky's more of an....understated, quiet being. For all their effort, he still looks annoyed.

Porky asks "if all these presents are for me, then who is the present attached to my hand for?"
Mam'selle tells him, "Zat is a present.....from ME....to VOUS."
"For....for me? From you?"

Hepzibah unwaps the box and pulls out a giant bouquet, and then tells him "Will you be my valentine, Porky?"
THAT'S the present he wanted! "OOOOO-OOOOO!!" Porky blushes, bashfully twisting his arms.

Basil returns to reveal the "petals" on the bouquet are actually female butterflies, who rise and start singing as more fireworks go off in the sky:

Happily Birthly Day Too-ba You
Niftily New Year Too-ba You
A Merrily Valentine Dear Porkypine
A National Porky Week To You

Happily Arbor Day Old Tree
Happily Fourthly Of Julee
A Big Fat Charlie's Chivaree
With Hunkily-Dories Parlez-Vouz Thee

Well, it makes a bit more sense than what the Sesame Street cast was singing.

And....I've run out of Pogo. I guess I have to get back to Elmo now.

*******************************************************************

Elmo is now riding the sleigh around the world, zooming through time, and having a ball. When they crash-land back on the street, it is now spring of next year. "WOW, ELMO HAS NEVER SEEN CHRISTMAS WITH SO MANY FLOWERS! EVERYONE MUST BE VERY HAPPY!"

They seem happy, but a little out of it. They're still singing the same song, but they might be getting tired of singing it. Grover's Christmas tree lot is still open, like it was when Elmo left, but he's down to one tree that has no needles. Elmo notices a pile of toasters by Maria's Fix-it Shop, and asks why Maria hasn't been fixing them. She rushes by carrying an armful of gifts in bows and says "Who has TIME when you're shopping for so many PRESENTS?"

The one who's really screwed in this situation is Big Bird. Remember when he was certain he would only be apart from Snuffleuphagus for one day? It's now been one hundred days. BB has been writing letters, but since the mailman has Christmas Day off, no one's been delivering them. BB just sticks the latest letter onto a pile and sighs. Lightning points out that he doesn't look like he's enjoying this at all. Elmo counters with "DID YOU SEE ALL HIS PRESENTS?? HE'LL BE HAVING FUN REAL SOON!"

Then, in a bizarre non-sequitur, Elmo and Lightning run into the Easter Bunny, played by Harvey Fierstein, who now has to market his Easter Eggs as Christmas Eggs -- and sing a long long song about it. So that eats up some time.

Since Elmo still hasn't grasped the point, Lightning time-travels him to the summer, and the Fourth of July -- which is now also Christmas. Everyone is still singing the opening song, but they're really not into it now. The pile of toasters outside the Fix-It shop is now bigger and when Maria and her family see Elmo, they look like they want to give the li'l red demon a piece of their mind.

Elmo: "YOU GUYS ENJOYING CHRISTMAS??"
Maria: "Yeah, same old, same old."
Luis: "We've been eating turkey and watching It's A Wonderful Life for SIX MONTHS."
Maria: "Remember.....remember working?" They get nostalgic looks in their eyes.

Maria can't take it anymore and snaps. "I WANT TO FIX THINGS! I GOTTA FIX A TOASTER NOW!!" She throws down her presents and grabs a random thing from the pile.
Luis: "Maria, that's a waffle iron."
Maria, annoyed: "I KNOW THAAAAT...."

If that's the mental state of Maria, imagine how Big Bird is doing. He's attempting to call Snuffleuphagus again, but only gets the machine. He has tons of presents, but can't get the only gift he truly wants -- Snuffle's company. That leads BB to sing a song called "All I Want For Christmas Is You." (No, not that one.)

The only one happy right now is Oscar, because six months of presents leads to a TON of trash. Santa's not pleased either -- it's taking way too long for Elmo to get the point and his elves are so tired, the toys are starting to come out weird.

"What is this?"
"It's a cow."
"Cows don't have rabbit ears."
"It's a new animal then. We'll call it a Moo Bunny."

Elmo thinks hard on all this, and after coming to a long-overdue revelation, he at last sees the problem: people must be mad because there's no snow! If there was snow on the ground, like there is doing REAL Christmas, everyone would be happy again! So he tells Lightning to take him that far. This is gonna hurt.

Welcome to Mad Max Sesame Street. The windows are boarded up, the residents are mean and ornery, and it's obvious whose fault it is, but not to the perpetrator. The pile of toasters is ridiculously high. The carolers have all lost their voices and can only reprise the main theme hoarsely. Even the Count doesn't feel like counting anymore. What's the point when every day is the same?

"Elmo, when every day is Christmas...Christmas is no longer special," Count tells him. You know, even if it takes a stupefyingly long time for Elmo to get this concept, he really is the perfect metaphor for it. There was a time when I actually LIKED seeing Elmo. It was when he was just a cast member and everybody else got equal time. Then, after 1996, they started pushing Elmo harder and harder and everyone else less and less. Elmo got his own segment, Elmo's World, that took up one-third of the program, was nothing but Elmo standing in a room with a goldfish talking about repetitive subjects, and was usually the SAME EPISODE EVERY DAY. You get that much Elmo every day, and it's like getting Christmas every day -- it loses all its appeal. And it's the point when the public opinion, at least for people above five, started turning.

I don't even want to know what Big Bird looks like now. He's probably dressing in all black and listening to emo records.

At last, at LONG LAST, Elmo is going to do the right thing. He's going to make his third wish and make Christmas just one day per year again. He states the wish, shakes the globe, and --

-- it slips from his hand and shatters on the pavement. Unbelievable. "IT'S CHRISTMAS FOREVEEEER!!" Maria shouts in agony.
Everyone hates Elmo now. Elmo is officially worse than Hitler.

if only Elmo had a way of stopping himself from getting that globe in the first place....wait, he does! Lighting can go back and forth through time! He can still save Christmas -- from the mess he himself caused (I think the title is a half-truth). He and the reindeer speed back to Christmas Eve as fast as they can...

"It WORKED, Elmo! We're back in your living room and Santa is stuck in the chimney again!" says Lightning.
After pulling him out a second time, Elmo is once again given the choice of a pink bear or a magical snow globe. "DEFINITELY THE BEAR," Elmo says.

But wait, there's something else in the bag. It's a new toy -- the Moo Bunny! Elmo would rather have that!

Disolving back to Maya Angelou's living room, she wraps things up with the special's unsubtle moral: too much of a good thing can be a BAD thing. But, she tells the children, "you can still keep Christmas with you year-round...in your hearts."

The residents of Sesame Street gather in the town square to sing a song about that very concept. "SO KEEP CHRISTMAS WITH YOU...ALLLLL THROUGH THE YEEEEEAR."
Everything seems peaceful and serene at last, but then, in the special's last moments, a bipedal porcupine walks onto the set. He looks grumpy, like Oscar.

"Wait a minute, I know you," Telly Monster says. "You're that porcupine that threw that brick in the air!"

Then, all of a sudden, the brick that was tossed in 1969 finally falls out of the sky in 1996, directly onto Elmo's cranium, smashing him dead. Everyone gasps as a tidal wave of green monster blood gushes everywhere, soaking the carolers thoroughly.

"Eew, gross!" says Gabi.

In fact not only was Elmo forever dead in that moment, but Kevin Clash, the man who had his hand inside Elmo, was permanently injured and could no longer perform the character. This meant that Kevin could not eventually use his position to seduce a minor, saving Christmas for the kid's family and for generations to come. Elmo never took over Sesame Street, and the world was saved.

Also, Lightning could have traveled through time and prevented that brick from killing Elmo, he just didn't want to.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODEEEEEEE!