By now you've seen Revenge of the Sith get reviewed, critiqued and thoroughly dissected by geeks on message boards all over the Internet. It'd be interesting to imagine what everyone would have posted when the previous trilogy wrapped up. No, wait, we don't have to imagine, because that happened!
Yes, there was some form of an Internet back when Return of the Jedi came out, and yes, these are real. In between games of Global Thermonuclear War, compu-savvy nerds in 1983 logged on to their BBS systems and chatted about how many seconds remained until Return of the Jedi's release. Any info that came their way, they had to proclaim loudly!
Wed, 11-May-83
Naperville, Il.
...in a small drug store
on the outskirts of Naperville nestled in the
cradle of a shopping center lies a few choice virgin copies of
RETURN OF THE JEDI (comic
book)
it contains answer to the
many questions that you have agonized over.
More hints to follow.....
May 18
1983, 1:12 am
The rumour has it that TESB will show up in videotape this fall.
Once it does this, I plan to rent it and Part 4:ANH. Then
show them
both and have everybody trek down to whatever cinema is running
ROTJ
at the time.
Burnout!
--
Brad Templeton - Waterloo, Ont. (519)
886-7304
I can't be held responsible for anything that happens if you try to call that number.
Here's some "talkback" posts created shortly after the release of the movie.
May 26 1983,
11:20 am
RAH!
yeah! Yay! ****! Go see it!
Production quality better
than ever. Harrison Ford delivers superb
acting job. All plot lines
brilliantly tied up. I was incredibly happy
with the movie.
-Glenn
May 25 1983,
5:42 pm
Winner. Perhaps not quite as crafty an ending as I had hoped,
but a reasonably satisfying ending. I felt very good
leaving
the theater (not because I was leaving, but because the movie
was so good).
I am afraid
that the movie is possibly not suitable for very
young children; parents may wish to check it out ahead of time.
There are some scenes which are a little violent and possibly
scary for young children.
General
consensus of 12 of us: 10 out of 10, possibly the
best of the three. We are all going to go see it again
before making any critical analysis of plot or effects.
The overall feeling was good, however. The crowd for the
first
showing at Atlanta's Phipps theater (the only Atlanta 70mm
print) applauded and cheered many scenes throughout the movie,
and gave a standing ovation at the end. Of course, some of
these folks were die-hards who camped out all night to be
first in line.
Bottom line:
the film could have been a tremendous let-down
after the first 2 and all the attendant speculation. It was
not a let-down -- it was a very pleasant experience. I would
easily rate this a $6 or even $8 movie -- even the second
time around!
Gene Spafford
June 13 1983,
9:44 am
I just
went to see The Return of the Jedi this weekend
and it just struck me that the rebels have real problems.
For one thing it seems that the qualification for being
a rebel general is a past history of criminal behavior
i.e. Han who is a self confessed smuggler and Lando who
is a gambler and runs an illicit mining operation are
promoted almost as fast as they join up. Second it seems
that there is a general for every forty or fifty
soldiers (meaning that there are 2-3 colonels, 4-6
majors, 8-12 captains, 10-15 lieutenents, 10-15 sargents
and one enlisted man, who has to do all the work, in
each rebel unit). Notice that the last living Jedi
Knight(Darth doesn't count for this) who personally has
saved the rebelion from anileation by destroying the
death star, who led the expedition to save a key figure
of the rebelion from certain death when she was trapped
inside the death star, who is unblemished criminaly and
in support of the rebelion with his heart and soul is
only a commander. Princess Leia who is a member of the
Imperial Senate(the last check on the Emporer's power),
responsible for getting the Death Star plans to the
rebelion so it can be destroied, who is a princess, of
high repute and a mainstay of the rebelion takes orders
from generals (i.e. is not one herself). It's a shame
Jabba the Hutt died if he had joined the rebels he would
have commanded the Rebel forces for sure and probably
gone on to become the father of thier galaxy (hopefully
not in a literal sense).
Of course the Imperial forces are not in such great
shape either. Well lets burn the brother of the
Emporer's right hand man over a couple of droids. Lets
use three aircraft carriers to chase one small motor
boat and better yet lets make two of them crash while
doing so and let the motor boat escape while we do.
What's that Lord Vader, you say you need another set of
admirals because the ones you have are all used up.
Yes, uhm Yes sir, but that's the forth set this week and
admirals don't grow on trees. Yes Lord Vater I'll see
what I can do. OMIGOD! a fighter hit the bridge of the
ship and were being pulled into that planet our only
chance is to dock with the death star! What do you mean
the docking facilities weren't completed?! OOOPs...
Well that's entertainment,
Tom Harris
June 17 1983,
11:41 am
Saw RotJ
last night and have to admit I was *extremely* disappointed. Lots
of good stuff, but too much silliness. This may sound strange,
but I felt
it to be much less 'real' than the first too. my credibility is
willing to
be stretched pretty far, but not that far. I'll flame away for a
while and
then get to the stuff I liked and a conclusion. Some examples...
The
creatures! Way too many FAKE-looking creatures. Especially in
Jabba's
den. That blue smurfy thing really bothered me. Also the
'orc-like' creatues
that greeted visitors to Jabba-- big soft things with dull teeth
and flab.
The guy with the tail growing out of his head was good, though. I
was also
disappointed in Jabba, himself. Looked like an overgrown hefty
bag with fake
eyes. Nice job on the tongue, though. There were simply too many
muppets and
soft-looking creatures, especially for a den of villainy.
Princess Leia
sure took being chained to Jabba, the epitomy of slime, pretty
well, casually sleeping against him when Luke walked in.
Luke's New,
Improved, Green Light Saber, and violence in general. When I saw
the
ad in the paper for this movie, it had a small subtitle that said
something
like 'May be too intense for young children'. When? Was I the
only one that
noticed when our gang was escaping from Jabba while suspended
over the pit
creature that Luke's light saber didn't cut ANYONE? Just knocked
'em overboard
to let the pit swallow them. Is there a 'stun' setting on the
handle? And when
Leia strangled the air bag, well, I just expected something a
little more
like someone getting strangled, instead of just a couple of gasps
and two
Tablespoons of green slime. I'm not into gore, or anything like
that, but
this movie didn't even attempt the 'violent realism' of the first
two. The
only blood (of any color) in the entire movie was the small
amount under
Leia's bandage after she was shot with a blaster.
Ewoks. Oh
boy, now the rebel alliance has been saved by Teddy Bears. Give
me
a break. Oh, sure, their cute as can be, but what the hell are
they doing
fighting Imperial Stormtroopers? Ewoks are the kind of creatures
that make us
want the rebels to win because they get slaughtered or something;
they are
not the kind of creatures that beat Stormtroopers. And with what
weapons did
they beat a squadron of the Imperium's best? Sticks with little
rocks on the
end.
The Rebel
Alliance. We really rooted for these guys in SW and TESB. Boy was
the Imperium evil then-- blowing up whole planets and stuff. Now
it is the
Rebels who are on the offensive. That's okay, but I found that I
didn't really
hate the Imperial forces as much this time. Sure, they did nasty
things, but
what was the Rebel's reaction when the Death Star II blasted the
rebellion's
two largest cruise ships out of existence? 'Oh no, the Death Star
is oper-
ational!' No mourning for the thousands who must have lost their
lives
instantaneously? Why didn't Luke feel the souls crying out, as
Obi-Wan had
when the planet was destroyed in SW. Sure, there were definately
more people
on the planet, but Obi-Wan was in another part of the galaxy,
while Luke
was within sight of this destruction. I guess I just didn't feel
for the
rebellion as strongly as I used to, but I don't think it is my
fault as much
as the director's.
Now for the
good stuff. My favorite scenes were all aboard the DS II. I
really
thought this stuff was good, and I wish the rest of the movie had
been more
like this. Luke's conflict with himself, Darth, and the Emperor
was very well
done. Also the scenes of the rebels flying through the innards of
the DS II
were fantastic. I liked most of Luke's scenes; I really felt for
him more than
anyone else. I thought that his conflict could have been a more
major part of
the movie, and I wouldn't have minded if he had not survived it,
as long as he
won his inner conflict first. I also really enjoyed the sky cycle
scenes. I wish
I had one of them to truck around on. I think I'd stay away from
forests,
though. I think that the acting in this movie was the best of the
three, at
least on the parts of Luke, Leia, and Han.
Conclusion.
It may sound from my flames above that I didn't like RotJ. This
is not true. I truly enjoyed it, but I was disappointed because
it left the
spirit of episodes IV and V. It was simply TOO CUTE to 'be
believed'. I am
afraid that I will not pay to see this movie again, as I did SW
(17 times)
and TESB(12 times), at least not in the near future. Oh, well. I
hope that
Episodes I-III and VII-IX (if they are made) return to the spirit
of adven-
ture that was in SW and TESB, but seems to be lacking in RotJ.
Flame away!
Shane
I guess this proves the Internet term "flame" is a LOT older than any of the others....
May 27 1983,
6:32 pm
These are some impressions of Return of the Jedi.
The visuals
are nothing short of fantastic. I especially liked Jabba's
floating `barge'.
Before I go
further with specifics, let's hit a few general points.
SW-ANH and TESB were good enough to stand by themselves. NO WAY
for this
flick. There was very little continuity of action, and
contrary to
other folks who have said that Mark Hamill can't act, I feel that
he had
the only believably written part in the story. The dramatic
pace of the
show was very badly handled, and many important scenes weren't
believable.
Now specifics.
Jabba
was ok, but there some things that weren't believable. The
glimpse after Luke destroys the Jabba's monster where some of
Jabba's
folk mourn for it is not realistic. In a place such as
Jabba's hall
where fear and pleasure alternate, it seems unlikely that the
guards,
who might at any moment be terminated, would have had either the
time
(high turnover in a place like that) or the inclination to gain
affection for the beast when they stood a chance of being a meal
for it sooner or later. And it just doesn't WORK in the
film.
And the pace was wrong. The original picture of
Jabba and his hall
was a little comical, but it grew frightening very quickly.
From a purely
technical point of view, the comic relief should have been held
awhile.
When Leia was releasing Han, she said she was ``Someone
who loves you ...
a lot.'' This was not all that realistic. Think about
it -- she is
trying to get him out of there. The greeting card schamltz
would have
waited. And we would have seen Leia PROVE her love by
enduring Jabba's
abuse. How many women would allow themselves to be raped by
another
species (submitting to bestiality) in order to pull off an
impossible
rescue of a man who might not love them? This should have
been brought
into sharper focus. Even a remark from Han would do it.
When
Leia strangles Jabba, it seems to be a little too pat, too easy.
It seemed too melodramatic, as well.
And
Jabba, being apparently a lover of torture (applied to others)
would
probably have carried the cat-and-mouse with Luke a little
further. Next,
why did Luke wait until they were about to make him walk the
plank before
fighting? After all, he could have jumped/flew out of the
monsters
pit immediately. Was he just playing cat-and-mouse with
Jabba? If so, his
demeanor with Jabba (``You should have bargained. I will
destroy you.'')
was all wrong. Luke would almost certainly have been more
coy. And this
is not acting. It is writing. Yes, acting might have
saved the day.
(``-offhandedly: You SHOULD have bargained. I -gravely: WILL
-quietly:
destroy you.'') But let us not fault Hamill for not being
Brando.
In the
opening, the introduction reads ``Little does he know that the
Empire is building a new Death Star'' or some such. OUCH!
I had to
pull the corncobs out of my ribs -- and it got worse when Luke
found out
AFTER rescuing Han abouth the new Death Star. That tidbit
of information
was carried into the movie by an unmitigated Deus Ex Machina.
If it was
important enough to rate explanation in the opening, why was it
tossed
into the plot exposition with that kind of devil-may-care
attitude?
In the big
scene -- the scene with the Emperor -- the Wrath of the Emperor
is badly handled. He jumps up and gets VERY physical,
throwing sparks
all over the place to zap Luke. Why? He does these
things with his mind.
It would have been far better if he sat with his eye closed as
the sparks
engulfed Luke -- and as Luke resisted by clearing his mind of
hatred.
And, just as the Emperor is about to overcome Luke, just as
all his
energy and conciousness are focused on Luke's destruction, Vader
smites
the Emperor with Luke's light sabre and they both are engulfed in
a
blaze of glorious purple (not blue, please) sparks. A
horrible scream
is heard, and the Emperor's body disappears. Then he
appears in
``holographic'' form, and, with a look of panic and terror, fades
thinner and thinner until only a shadow is left. Finally
the shadow
fades as well. That is how it COULD have been.
Why
didn't the battle with the Empire's fleet more closely track the
battle between Luke and the Emperor? Yes it might have been
corny if
overdone, but is could have been believable>
If
Yoda, on his deathbed (contrived, no?) tells Luke that Luke had
learned
all he needed from Yoda, why was it that in TESB Yoda wanted Luke
to stay?
And why wasn't Yoda available in ``holographic image'' just as
soon as
he died? Ok, it's not unreasonable, but not explained
either.
And
why didn't Anaken Skywalker, after his salvation from The Dark
Side
of the Force, disappear immediately upon dying?
And,
if Leia is strong of the Force, and has experienced it (when Luke
called out to her near the end of TESB) why didn't she at least
have
some view of the Three Transfigured Jedi (Obi-Wan, Yoda, and
Anaken (sp?))
when Luke could see them? At least to feel their presence?
Then
there were the scenes where the furry litle people are destroying
the two-legged tanks (whatever they are called). They find
about six or
seven ways to do it, and this is a little TOO much comic relief.
Also,
they could have been saved for a whole bunch of action-twists,
each
alternating with a hopeless or disasterous situation.
And
why was the rebel cruiser able to withstand the planet-bursting
blasts of the ``fully operational Death Star''? If it had
been only partially
operational, it might have been more credible from BOTH the point
of view
of the cruiser and the point of view of the amount of time needed
to
complete the station.
Oddly
enough, Obi-Wan's explanation of how he had not lied was
believable -- perhaps because that is the way I would have
written
it myself.
What
else? Well, in going from the destruction of Jabba, to Yoda
on
his deathbed, and back to the battle group, the pace was lost.
After
the first drawn-out and terrible vanquishing of an enemy, we
should
either set up for a higher tension or see some kind of escape
valve
(eg comic relief) before the vastly different type of emotions
needed to
deal with the Yoda scenes -- and we should have had a little more
build-up on the way back. The placement and handling of the
Yoda
scene destroyed the flow of the action.
Well, I could say a lot more, but
this should be enough to start things
going.
Mark Terribile
Duke of deNet
A lot more, huh? I think this guy made up 40% of the entire Internet in 1983. Now check out this one.
May 27 1983, 6:42 pm
After seeing "Return of the Jedi"
Wednesday, I was left with
a question. I'm pretty sure that Episodes I, II,
and II will be
about Anakin (Darth Vader) Skywalker and how he was
drawn to the
Dark Side of the force (what is the offer he
couldn't refuse?).
But, what will Episodes VII, VIII, and IX be about?
Will the
Empire rise into power once more, lead by a
sinister, new leader?
Or will a new enemy terrorize the galaxy?
"The emporer is less forgiving than I am . . ."
Danny Espinoza
allegra!rba-dx
Irony is neat, isn't it? Next on the path of geekly inevitability: endless analysis.
Jun 8 1983,
11:02 pm
Fess up-
Wasn't your conception Obi-wan's astral nature blown to bits
when he sat on a log?
June 10 1983,
1:37 pm
As to RotJ and the Luke-Vader struggle, there is DEFINITELY a
clatter
after Luke throws away his light sabre. It takes a while (he
throws it
hard?) and it is way off to stage left and comparatively faint,
but I
have noticed it each time.
June 15 1983,
10:13 pm
The first time I saw RotJ, I wondered about one of Han's lines
just before
the rebels took off to attack Death Star II. He said
something like, "I
get the feeling I'm never going to see her again," referring
to the Falcon.
Since Lando and the Falcon escaped unharmed from the explosion of
the Death
Star, I felt that line was somehow out of place.
Now a friend who's seen
an unreleased version of RotJ tells me that in that
version, the Falcon was consumed at the last moment as it was
escaping from
the exploding Death Star, presumably killing Lando and co-pilot.
This
seems like a much more dramatic (though perhaps less
mass-appealing)
ending. My friend says that there are other differences
from the released
version, as well.
When I get to see this
for myself I'll report any other differences I see.
Does anyone know if either of the other Star Wars movies had
unreleased
versions, and what the differences were?
-- Roger
June 15 1983,
7:12 pm
The SW first release was not the same as the SW - A NEW HOPE
release
which came out when SW-ANH and SW-TESB were playing back to back
--
at least as shown at the University Theatre in Toronto.
Specifically,
the ANH release was more than 15 minutes shorter. When
I first saw it (after seeing SW many, many times in all-day, pay
first thing in the morning and stay all you want Northern Ontario
theatres) I could have told you which scenes were deleted, but it
all blurs now.
Laura
I don't know about Roger, but Laura is right--a few scenes that made Episode IV feel more like a stand-alone movie were trimmed in all later releases once the film became a success.
Only nerds had Internet access then, so you can imagine their posts got a little too algebraic for a movie like this. Check out that second guy.
June 5 1983,
3:35 pm
Vader
died because his life support system got zorched by The Emperor.
I
thought this was one of the weakest moments of the film.
His normally
stentorious automatic breathing apperatus developed a definite
hitch and
a squeak which almost made me laugh out loud.
Byron Howes
UNC - Chapel Hill
June 5
1983, 9:45 pm
In the
rebels' holographic simulation (a beautiful effect), the Death
Star is shown in a geostationary (well, endorstationary) orbit.
It is
also shown as being only a few Death-Star-radii from the surface,
and
certainly less than one Endor-radius.
There is a
contradiction here. For the stationary orbit to be that
close, either the planet spins in only a few hours, or it has
very light
gravity. The scenes on Endor's surface showed no evidence
of either of
the above.
Possible
fixes: even when only partially operational, the Death Star
could levitate; or maybe the shield generating station also
provided
levitation until the Death Star's engines came on line. Or
maybe the
planet did have very light gravity, but there was a humongous
mascon
right under the shield station, providing "normal"
gravity in the
immediate area. Except that you would expect a lake to
collect...
And then again, some WEREN'T so bright.
May 31 1983,
3:38 pm
I've heard that Ben Kenobie (or whatever) and good old DV
fought many years ago and DV
was thrown into a volcano.
Well, somehow DV survived
(Lucky, huh?) and the result
is his UGLY head. Well,
That's my favorite ( it might
even be true!) story on how it
happened (The head I mean.)
Therefore, DV could be Luke's
Dad.
Ben Walls
...cbosgd!bsw
June 1 1983,
7:18 pm
I thought everybody knew that Darth was a cute guy until he
was thrown into a volcano. Just in case some
of you didn't, that
is indeed how he got so ugly.
-Glenn
p.s. I
couldn't hardly understand Yoda, either. But then, I
could never understand Fozzie Bear from the
muppets, and of
course, they sound exactly alike. It looked
like they were
using a different puppet for Yoda than last movie.
Anyone
else think that?
June 4 1983,
1:49 pm
You may
not have noticed it,
but as Han and Chewie were trying to
rescue Lando, you could see Boba Fatt trying
to fly out of the monster, being held in
by one of the 'tentacles' (which later tried
to pull Lando in).
Then again -
since Boba was covered head
to foot with weapons, why didn't he just blast the
monster's tentacle holding him down?
Rogue Vaxhacker
ucbvax!sdcsvax!sdccsu3!ir278
June 4 1983,
1:55 pm
In my
last article I said "Boba Fatt".
Make that "Fett"...unless you think his
body armor was a big flab-retainer.
Rogue Vaxhacker
If you've ever watched Yoda say "There IS another" in Empire Strikes Back and wondered if nerds would go nuts over such a hint as badly as they would now, the answer is a loud yes. Even after the movie came out, many of them still didn't believe it was Leia, though according to this poll the majority had already figured it out prior to the ROTJ release.
Subject: Results of
'Other' Poll
Newsgroups: net.sf-lovers,net.movies
It is February 1st 1983 -- premiere day for "Star Wars" on HBO, so...
Here it is folks! The results of the poll that asked the question:
'Please give your opinion
on about whom Yoda was talking when, in
"The Empire Strikes Back", he said to OB-Wan, "No,
there is an Other",
referring to someone (besides Luke?) who could restore the
republic.'
For the record, I did not
include people who made more than one guess,
unless they indicated one much more strongly than the other, in
which
case I discarded the weaker guess.
I feel I must tell all
you potential poll takers not to fear a deluge
of response. This was one of the hottest items on the net
two months
ago, and look -- well under 100 responded! I shall keep a
list of
names and votes, so that I can congratulate the correct people
when
"Return of the Jedi" comes out.
54 total votes, 22 different votes
16.7%:
Princess Leia
11.1%: Han Solo
9.3%: Don't care
9.3%: Boba Fett
7.4%: Someone New
7.4%: Lando Carlissian
5.6%: Darth Vader
5.6%: nobody
3.7%: Wedge
1.9%: Leia's and Luke's son
1.9%: FtG
1.9%: Leia's and Han's son
1.9%: Won't know in R.o.t.J.
1.9%: Luke's father
1.9%: Lost relative of Luke
1.9%: Don't know
1.9%: Mr. Spock
1.9%: OB-2 Kenobi
1.9%: R2D2
1.9%: Luke's severed hand
1.9%: Obi-wan Kenobe
1.9%: "Other"==>"Luke gets another
shot at success"
Now Star Wars is over for definate, at least until Lucas dies and some guy gets the rights, then makes a third trilogy based on notes Lucas made and forgot he had. But that won't be for a while, and Star Trek is also dead, making me wonder where all these nerds are going to go. Insert satisfying closing observation here.
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