Except for the stars like Mario and Sonic that have stood the test of time, mascot platformers with EXTREME TUDE were squashed long ago by space marines.
AD BREAK 2
|
Before Insomniac Corporation learned
how to make games, they made Spyro games, and enlisted an
angry, barbecued sheep to deliver the ad spiel. Spyro
demonstrated in his ads that he was way cruel to
sheep and snowmen for no reason, and that's cool!
Especially if you use the word "NOT!!"
in 1999. Except for the stars like Mario and Sonic that have stood the test of time, mascot platformers with EXTREME TUDE were squashed long ago by space marines. |
| Chester Cheetah infiltrates the
Cheetos Factory so he can dive into a giant vat of NEW
Cheetos Zigzags, Cheetos that are shaped
differently(WHOA). But just as he's about to jump, the
director yells CUT and Chester walks off the set to munch
on some. "Bring in the stunt double!" and it's
none other than Daffy Duck in a Chester costume. He's not
too happy about it. It wasn't to promote a new Looney Tunes movie or Bugs-shaped product in marked bags -- Daffy was just in the ad for no reason. That doesn't happen often... |
 |
 |
A "Got Milk" spot where a horde of animal crackers revolts against a little girl about to eat them, by tipping over her glass and making it impossible for her to wash them down with anything. The grownup "Milk" spots were better, and the kid versions were only going to get worse: in the next few months they actually hired real kids to direct the spots. We got a bunch of nonsensical gibberish, like "How to trap a monster stealing your milk." I'm sure I'll be getting to that one eventually. |
| But THIS is even WEIRDER: One month before Pokemon showed up, WB pulled a very odd stunt: they took several shows off the air, pasted them together and called it a new program. "The Cat and Birdy Warneroonie Pinky Brainy Big Cartoonie Show." It was actually a last-ditch attempt to stop the unstoppable One Saturday Morning block they were against. It gets even more idiotic: the mishmash clip show actually did well enough to get a second "season." |  |
 |
Anti-drug ads were everywhere when I was growing up, but they got less and less frequent by the late 90's. I think this is the only one that was being run in 1999. It features two urban boys slurring in Ebonics, so you know they're cool. "Dood, Woozer is not yo friend!" "Yes he is!" "Woozer do DRUGS! An you ain't gonna do it widdim!" You go, girls. |
| The last thing we had to sit through
before we got back to the cowardly Paras was a Reeses
Puffs ad. Does anybody find these as hilarious as I do? I
even wrote a parody once. It went like this: So there I was, jammin' 90 feet above the air on my laser-blasting skateboard guitar, catchin' serious sky, when mah bro says to me, "I had Bugs for Breakfast!" "DUDE! YOU HAD BUGS? FOR BREAKFAST?? THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD DO SOMETHING THAT COOL!" Then he SLAMMED me a bowl! And WHOA!! It was like TWELVE AFRICAN ELEPHANTS DANCIN' THE DISCO ON MY TASTE BUDS!! And it's part o' dis complete breakfast too! BUGS FOR BREAKFAST!! OW!!!! *boy rockets off* |
 |