OOT (not pronounced "Oat") walkthrough
If you're one of those people who can't play a game without knowing everything about it, you're in luck. This walkthrough is specially tailored for you, because it's in entirely QUESTION format!

Okay, I got the game....what do I do?
First you drive home. Then you take the game out of the package. Then you insert in into the N64 and turn it on.

What's an N64? It won't fit in my Playstation, what do I do??
Return the game...

What's the first thing I do in the game?
Walk out of the house. You'll see Saria. Don't kill her. Talk to Saria. Then talk to everybody, and while you're walking the distance between people, run through bushes and gather Rupees to buy a shield. Oh yes, and hop along the platforms near the waterfall, you'll get money for doing that too.

Mido won't let me pass! I must have been bad!
First confess your sins to a priest, and then turn the game back on. See the training grounds? There's a hole in the wall there. Push Link against the hole and the green button will eventually say "Crawl." Then crawl in.

It didn't say it! My controller is defective!!
No, it doesn't talk, there's a green button on top of the screen that says different things.

Who's this bug following me that keeps yelling stuff? Can I kill it?
If you figure out how, e-mail me!!!

I got scared of the boulder and ran.
You can easily avoid it if you wait for it to pass, then follow it, and then duck into a side place(with a treasure chest in it). Eventually you will find the one with...YOUR SWORD!

It says I have to give it back. I'm confused.
Link never gives it back, that's how rotten he is. When you play Majora's Mask, he still has it and he lets a blacksmith vandalize it.

Okay, how do I do stuff?
Define "stuff." If you mean mastering Z-Targeting and all that, train in the training grounds. You can target rocks and signs. And you can hack off pieces of the signs! Cool.

What do I do now?
Haven't you been listening to that bug? Mido will let you in now.

Can I refuse to help the Great Deku Tree?
Actually, you can. But it doesn't get you anywhere. Eventually you'll have to go in and progress in the game!

I'm in the tree. Neato, dude! How do I get rid of this web stuff on the floor?
Don't worry about that for now. Just slash the Deku Babas for Deku Sticks and Deku Nuts. You'll need both later.

Why is everything named "Deku"?
Because it is. Now climb up the ladder, Einstein...

What's that scratching noise.

I went up there and the spider charged at me and I fell! My teacher said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger outta there!

Have you ever heard of this cartoon character named "Ralph Wiggum"?

Then never mind. Anyway, don't worry about that for now. That wall is for LATER. Keep running and jumping (Link automatically jumps) until you reach your first door. Then push the green button when the one on the screen says "Open."

How do I beat this thing?
Navi should tell you the first step. The second is to catch him before he goes back into his hole! If you're having trouble doing that, just stand ON the hole.

How do I do all the other stuff in this dungeon?
Marshmallow. I'm tired of explaining this.

I yelled at the screen but no marshmallow appeared!
His NICKNAME is Marshmallow! This is how walkthroughs work: you read them. Click on the link.

Where's Link? He's not ON this page!!!
I'm done with you for now. GO AWAY!

{time lapse}

Okay, I'm back! Give me tips on defeating Queen Ghoma!
The easiest way to get rid of Ghoma is as follows: Throw a Deku Nut, but not immediately when you see her or the game will freeze(in some copies). Then slash her huge eye over and over until she moves away. Now, she's climbing to the ceiling to lay Ghoma Larva to pester you. The easiest thing to do is Slingshot-Shoot her before she can do this. She'll land BLAM on the floor. Nut her and slash her again. For me, this was all it took. Oh, and don't have anything planned for the next 5 minutes. The tree has some things to explain.

I have to go out of the forest??? I'll die!
No, you won't. But before you go into that tree trunk tunnel, talk to some kids, because they'll say stuff they only say at this point in the game. "Link, are you going to go away?" "What did you do to the Great Deku Tree?"

Who were you talking to?

Isn't Link going to say goodbye to Saria?
No. Link doesn't say ANYTHING. Never has, never will. The basic idea behind it is that Miyamoto thinks if Link said things, he'd be putting words in the player's mouth. He wants a sense of the player BEING Link.

What is Miyamoto?
A Japanese car that flies.

Where can I buy one???
You can't; you're not old enough to drive.

And what makes you think I'm under 16?????
You're...not? Geez, disturbing...

Who's the owl?
"Kaepora Gaebora." He was in Link's Awakening and Majora's Mask as well.

Don't owls eat mice? I haven't seen a mouse in Hyrule!
This owl eats...um...Stalchildren.

You said he ate Stalchildren...what are those?
Oh, you'll find out as you walk to Hyrule Castle...hee hee hee!

Ack! How do I get rid of them??
As you play you'll find different ways. Right now just slash them, or if you want to get away, your best defense is to climb on that fence thing on the hill near Lon Lon Ranch and just let them swipe until the sun comes up. When the rooster crows, they leave. Oh yeah, Kenobi is harping at me about the fact that they don't attack you if you stand on the dirt path (see right)! But who cares about that...

Where's the rooster??
Um...that's a good question...

Why do so many dogs come out near Hyrule Castle at night?
Don't make me sing that song...

When is Bombchu Lady going to open her shop?
When you've completed a dungeon that requires bombs, specifically Dodongo's Cavern.

Where's that?
You don't need to worry your furry little head about that place yet. But soon...

Okay, there's this fat guy sleeping inside the castle gates and I can't get in. What's up with that?
Are you saying you got past the outside guards without my help? Freaky...

I asked my chiropractor what to do next, since you were no help, and he said to talk to Malon. I did that, and now I'm hearing a woman singing near the castle. Where is it coming from? Is there a secret fairy??
No. The hidden "fairies" in this game don't sound OR LOOK that pretty. That sound is coming from Malon. It actually took me a while to figure this out...her mouth isn't really moving.

Huh? What do the big fairies look like then?
Like the mother-in-law of your nightmares.

Don't ask me why...the fairies in Hyrule used to look so pretty, and now they are one of three forms: an ugly fetus, an ugly barely-dressed Tammy Faye-thing, or just a glow with wings coming out.

How do I get past the guards??
Just stay out of their sight. There is one part you may need specific help with, and that is the two guys at the end, where the path turns. Okay, one of these guys is going faster than the other. Wait until they are close to each other, and far from you. Then race to the end and THERE'S ZELDA!

Why is the game named after Zelda if she's barely around and Link is the one who does all the---
You're not the first to ponder that so don't ask. You're not the first to wonder why every Fantasy is called Final either.

Hey, how do I do that snap disappear thing? Impa did it and I want to do it!
First you have to learn how to ride a bike.

The guard wants me to give him some dumb mask.
Yeah, he wants the Keaton one. So go BACK to Hyrule Castle Town and become a "sales representative" for the Happy Mask Man(more on him when you play MM). In case you're wondering, you couldn't do this the first time you entered the town. You can only do it AFTER the guard talks to you and you show him Zelda's letter.

Is there anything I should get before I head up the mountain?
Yes. Like some people have said, GET A HYLIAN SHIELD! There are two ways: buy one at Castle Town, or get one for free by...grave digging. Pull the grave with Triforce flowers in front. Open the chest inside and you have one. And yes, that wall is bombable; it leads to a fairy fountain.

Digging around in a grave made me feel dirty.
Shut up, you're not finished here. NOW you have to break into the Royal Family's Tomb! So do that!

How do I do that?
Doi, there are two Poes toward the front of the graveyard. Slash 'em up. They will tell you an interesting story which I won't spoil. It has to do with something buried in the Royal Grave. Now remember Zelda's Lullaby? Play it on the dirt Triforce. Now hop in the hole where the headstone used to be! Next, kill every Keese in the room. You must kill EVERY ONE to move on to the next place.

What is a Keese?
It's a pie-like dish that involves cheese and stuff.

You're thinking of quiche.
Yeah, maybe.
Now go into the next room and....have fun! Hee hee hee...

Any way to get rid of those zombie things?
Yep. They allude to this a million times via subtle clues, but I somehow never picked up on it. "Restless souls wander where they don't belong, bring them silence with the Sun's Song." In addition to letting you control the rising of the sun and moon, this song freezes ReDeads. Try it on your way out...

I'm in Goron City. How do I stop the rolling Goron?
I never did. Maybe Kenobi knows how.
Kenobi: You bomb him

What songs do I play here?
Zelda Lullaby to open Darunia's room, then once inside play Saria's Song to....oh, whoops! Looks like you've been relying too much on this walkthrough for your own good. Sheesh, explore around a little, it can't hurt you...

But tell me, where is Saria's Song?
In Saria's head.

But I can't chop her head off! The game won't let me!
Okay...first get back to Kokiri Forest. Everybody will be telling you, "Saria was looking for you." So go through the Lost Woods. If you meet the owl, you're on the right track.
You’ll have to fight a Wolfos, and then you’ll have to go through a maze filled with spitting Scrubs(and get to know the layout, because you’ll have to come back later and re-navigate this from non-overhead view; and the maze will be filled with pain-in-the-neck Moblins that are a THOUSAND times more difficult than they ever were in 2-D Zelda games. But that’s later.

Nintendo Power said there was a hole in the maze that I could drop down, and battle two Wolfos inside for money! I can’t find it...
This is why you can’t believe everything you read in Nintendo Power...remember, they described the Gamecube’s memory capacity as “Fatter than Jennifer Villarreal!” This hole is not in the final game; and what a shame since that is one cool lookin’ wall Link was standing behind in the picture the mag showed.

Back at Goron City, play Zelda's Lullaby to open Darunia's room and play Saria's Song to make Darunia get jiggy with it and give you the Goron Bracelet. Now you can pluck bomb flowers! Have some fun with this...first open the Goron Shop with one(it's right next to Darunia's door), then light a Deku Stick with fire and run around lighting all torches. This makes the giant Goron Pot spin, and you can try your luck by hurling Bomb Flowers into it from a ledge above. You have a chance of getting a Heart Piece. Your final thing to do with Bomb Flowers is to go outside and visit the Goron near the entrance who has a Bomb Flower crop. Pluck and throw until one blows up the Dodongo's Cavern passage below the cliff. Then race down there and go inside...

Ow! That pillar with the eye shot at me!
Don't worry, it's supposed to do that. There's nothing wrong with the pillar.

But it hurt!
Okay, just stay out of its line of vision. When you get bombs (or if you have them already), you can just blow them up.

Who's making that groaning noise? The Dodongos?
No, that's the dungeon "music." There's really not much music in these places than in dungeons of other Zelda games...I don't know why. Music isn't this game's strong quality, except for the Song of Storms and the Gerudo theme.

Why are you even bothering to work on a walkthrough that nobody will ever read, let alone actually use?
Because it's fun. I'm also crazy.

Where do I blow up my Baby Dodongos?
You must be in that tunnel. All Dodongos explode eventually...it's nature's way. The second batch of babies you meet, lure them to the bombable stone wall. When they blow up, you can go into the uncovered door and get a Golden Skulltula.

Do I have to buy the stuff from the Deku Scrubs in this dungeon?
Not really. I've finally figured out why they are there when nobody really needs their products: the one near the entrance is selling you a Deku Shield because you might have been a blockhead and tried to defend yourself from a Fire Keese with one. If you haven't already guessed, fire makes wood shields vanish.
The other Scrub, in the Dodongo tunnel after the Dinofos battle, sells you Deku Sticks. This is in case you don't have any, because the only way out of that tunnel is to light all the torches with a burnt stick. But it would be VERY unlikely that you don't have any, because they're hardly useable! The inventory kind of stacks up, you know...
There IS a useful use, but you have to be inside a whale...more on this later.

Speaking of this place with the Dodongos, is it necessary to fight them?
No. All you really need to do is light the torches. But if you're like me, you'll want to fight them anyway.

This is the only place there are Dodongos. What were the Gorons talking about? There aren't that many!
Have you seen the boss yet?

Is this boss hard?
No way. The Dinofos are harder than he is! If you stand on the edge of the lava pit, he can't ram you with his rolling. After he passes you, follow him until he stops and starts to build up a fire blast. His mouth is wide open, so throw a bomb in there. Then he'll fall, and slash him once to make him get back up. Keep doing this and there's almost no way you can lose. This is the easiest boss in the game. Oh yeah, BE SURE to get the heart piece where his head ends up BEFORE you step into the light.

What about this fairy thing?
Go do that now. Bomb the rocks and keep climbing, then use the shield when the rocks come down! Keep going up.....

Mars, it's so hot in here! I can't stay here for long!
Don't repeat Navi. I made this same mistake the first time I went up to Death Mountain. Despite the fact that a Triforce-looking thing is sitting in the middle of the crater, THIS IS NOT WHERE THE GREAT FAIRY IS! That Triforce design is a warp pad, similar to the one near Saria and her stump, and the one in the Temple of Time. And you can't activate the warp pads yet! The fairy is ACTUALLY behind a bombable wall near the "crater" entrance. You'll find it...Navi will turn green and hover to it.

Eww...why isn't this game rated T?
Hey, I warned you about that fairy...

After Mr. Owl flies me to Kakariko and I'm standing on that roof, what should I do?
DON'T JUMP OFF THE ROOF YET!! You can get a Heart Piece if you don't waste this opportunity. Remember the impossible-to-get one, in the cage with the cow? Look near you for where the cucco pen is, then dangle yourself over the edge of the roof near it. Now drop. You will land on a ledge near a hole. Enter it and YOU'RE IN!

When can I just look around? Huh?
Are you a slave to walkthroughs? You should've been doing that. Fiddle around in Lost Woods and win the Heart Pieces; one is self-explanatory (it's a "Simon" thing) but the other will require that you play Saria's Song for a Skull Kid (when you play MM, you will definately meet this guy in greater detail). Also, you can give him the....SKULL MASK! Boy, that was hard to guess. Now do your stuff in Lon Lon Ranch. Learn Epona's Song by showing your ocarina to Malon, and when you play the chicken game, throw all the chickens behind Talon, that is behind the counter thing. They will be stuck there and finding the Super Cuccos will be child's play!

While I was doing all that, Navi was barking at me about talking to Saria.
NOW you talk to Saria, but that still won't shut Navi up. Call Saria up on the Cellular Ocarina and she'll tell you where to go next.

Does Navi ever stop talking?
If you beat the game, and then go back to your completed file, Navi will be silenced. She'll still be there, but she will never yell "HEY!!" out of nowhere again. And if you ask to "Talk to Navi," she'll just say: "Link...try to keep up."
That's all. Which is sad, because after all that annoying chatter, I actually got used to her!

What do I do on this Triforce thing next to the waterfall?
On every Triforce in the game Navi points to...PLAY ZELDA'S LULLABY. Remember this because I'm not repeating it again.

What do I do in Zoraville?
sigh..."Zoraville"...somebody help this person...
There are fish in the shallow water. Catch one in a bottle. Now visit, in Marshmallow's words, "the fattest thing in the game." You can't miss him. Actually, King Zora is second in wideness to Jabu-Jabu, but that's irrelevant... When you're finished hearing him talk about Ruto, there's a cave thing near his throne. Go in it. You will arrive at a SPECTACULAR, NOT-POSSIBLE-ON-PLAYSTATION DIZZYING WATER FALL. Talk to the Zora and he will start your "dive training." Jump off when the timer starts, then dip-dive to get all the Rupees and you will get a Silver Scale. Now that you can dive further, it's time to use the Lake Hylia warp! Dive into the hole and ZAP.....

NOW what do I do?
Navi will target a bottle on the bottom of the sea floor near you; dive using your newly-gained skill and you will get a THIRD BOTTLE!!! Then climb out of the wa-wa and read it. It is naturally from Ruto. Now dive back in, through the way you came. Now that you know where Ruto is, go show the note to King Zora. There will be this long, 45-second sequence where he scoots over to let you into the place behind him. "OINK, OINK, OINK..." I don't lie, he makes that sound.

How do I get in this big whale?
To get in Jabu-Jabu, bottle one of the fish in the shallow part of the Zora lake. Then stand in front of him and release it.
Now you are in the whale. The Octoroks are easily avoidable; just run past them. But the door won't open at the end. So turn back around, and...you know that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat? Shoot it.

That'll teach you not to play with weapons. Now shoot the hang-down thing in the GAME with the slingshot.

A flying jellyfish?
Yeah. This is where the Deku Sticks actually have a USE. Swing a stick at a Biri(for that is what it's called) with the C button it's attached to. If you try it with the sword, Link will get fried. Fun to watch, but detrimental to your health. In the very next room is Ruto. After she falls down a hole, fall down the same hole and talk to her twice. Now she sits down and....

But I don't wanna carry her!!! She's a fish, and fishy and stuff!
Tough. Hoist her up and walk through the door that is on the platform that you are on. This is how it works: if you drop Ruto, and she stays there for 30 seconds, she fades back to the point where you first found her. ARGH!
Now this particular part is tricky. Jump in the water and throw Ruto across, then immediately trip the switch in the middle so the water will rise and YOU will make it across. Then pick her back up, go through the door to the bottom of the elevator room. IMMEDIATELY set Ruto down or an Octorok will set her down for you!!! Take out the Octorok...

But I don't want to date that thing!!!
TAKE OUT THE OCTOROK and hop on the elevator, with Ruto. It will take you to a place you've been before. Go the same way but THIS time, don't fall in any holes; go directly to the door at the end. And hurry it up; there's something that will try to drop on you near the door and if you tiptoe, it will succeed. Carry Ruto and turn on your first right; don't bother with the Tailparasans because they regenerate every time you walk through a door and you'll be going through a lot of doors here. Step on the switch and place Ruto on it, holding it down. Go inside and there will be Stingers in a pool. Go close to each Stinger to make it pop out, then quickly use your slingshot on each one. After they all go, you will win THE BOOMERANG!!! Now things will be a lot easier for you.

Now enter all the other doors in the area, and destroy the huge tentacles. You’ll know what I’m talking about when you see one...first get close to make them go down toward you, then back away while throwing the boomerang. And DON’T turn off your Z-Targeting...never turn the Z-Targeting off until the enemy you’re trying to get is dead. This is a problem, though, when hunting Poes...

When you destroy every tentacle, save and reset. Ruto won’t be where you left her, she will be in the room you found her in, with the jellyfish and the holes. Pick her up(ignore what she says, she’s just trying to annoy you) and jump through the hole in the far left corner of the room. Once there, go through the door, and whaddya know...

What’s this, a big octopus?
At first I didn’t know what it was. But yeah, this is a giant Octorok, but it doesn’t spit at you. (if you want a closer look at a Big Octo, and want to take a picture of it for Rupees as well, get Majora’s Mask.) Instead, it charges at you, kinda....just let it do that, then as SOON as it starts to run away, throw Mr. Boomerang while running after it! After you’ve stunned it, slash it until it gets back up...and repeat until toasted. Then jump on the platform, and ride up...and GO outside. You’ll be at that room with the elevator again, but this time you will weigh down a helpful platform that will take you to the boss!

What do I do in here?
This part is annoying...you can’t go to the boss until you do one final task....shoot another hang-down thing. This is surprisingly difficult, as it’s hard to aim for it on the ground, and even harder to aim on the platform across from it, because some wall thing blocks the Boomerang aim. You have to stand JUST right on the platform so the boomerang hits the thing. Man, I said “thing” a lot in this one...

Is this boss hard?
If you know how to use the boomerang, no. You will also need the slingshot to bust the jellyfish protecting the Barinade. As long as you stay away from it and keep moving, it’ll be fine....remember, the boomerang only stuns the main creature, meaning you have to run up and slash it after you throw...

Do I have to marry Ruto?
Yes. If you don’t marry her, you’ll cause a war between the Hylians and the Zoras, seeing as you’ve offended the Zoran princess. Now kiss the screen...

Near Jabu there’s a cave, but Link won’t climb into it when I swim him there. What’s it for?
It’s for later. Right now, save your game, and if you like Hyrule as it is, copy it. Also, talk to Saria--this is something a lot of people don’t think of doing...she has a weird premonition: “Link...I’ve got a bad feeling....I’ve got a REALLY bad feeling....”
Here’s something even more freaky: when you go back to Hyrule Castle Town, go in the backalley and a soldier, wounded from battling Ganon, will die talking to you! MANY people miss that...

There aren’t any more ReDeads in the game, are there? I hate those things! They aren’t kosher!
No, it wouldn’t be very Jewish to eat one, but here’s a tip: if you hate ReDeads, walk out of the Temple of Time after you become an adult, which isn’t far off. Boy, you’ll have a LOT of fun!

I played the Song of Time in the Temple place thing. I was standing on that Triforce pad, and nothing happened!
I already said that was a transportation pad for later. You have to play that song in front of the pedestal at the front of the room. Now you pull the sword out, and after 15 minutes of cinema you’ll get to do something again.

Why do people complain about Final Fantasy games having too much cinema if this game has about the same amount?
Because they need an excuse to slam Square. A more accurate reason to bash them would be Final Fantasy 8, or the fact that the next FF will be online and they think that type of game counts as another number in the series...

Where do I find Dampe?
Actually, he’s dead now. Try a grave. No, really--go to a grave on the left side of the cemetery that has the same Triforce flowers as the one you got the shield from, pull it back, and jump in the hole.

“?” What’s that supposed to tell me?
It’s just displaying “?” as the location you are at because this place is connected to the Windmill in a way. Yes, that place is connected to a grave.

Oh, so THAT explains the smell in there. I thought it was coming from the windmill guy!!
Yeah, a lot of people make that mistake. Now you have to race Dampe. You’ll never outrun him; you just have to keep up. He throws fireballs, but they’re dodgable. The second time through the game, I ran into two of them and still made it. The first time, I took a wrong turn and still did. Dampe isn’t that hard. Just wait’ll you get to the butler in Majora’s Mask if you want a REAL challenge....oh yes, one thing: the last room you run through has a curved path next to a pit. Dampe will float over the pit. Don’t follow him in your haste(like I have done a lot)! Run on the curved path. Of course, some people tell me you can just use the Hookshot on a burning stick near the finish and pull yourself ahead super-quick.

The Hookshot?
Oh, duh--this race is going to help you GET that thing!! Then why were people telling me that? I probably got it from GameFAQS...they’re always wrong and the people that hang out there are looney...

What happens if I take a really wrong turn?
Well, there are ReDeads in the hallways where you really goofed up, so.....boo!

What is a ReDead?
It’s a zombie made of mud with a wood mask(the “spooky mask” you can get is what they have). The ReDead trophy in Super Smash Bros. Melee says, “Link was later relieved to learn that the ReDeads were just magic animated into humanoid shapes.” Don’t try to soften it, Nintendo....that’s a zombie if I ever saw one.

Once you win, and the Hookshot is yours, Dampe says “I’m leaving now, be careful when going back.” The truth is, no, you don’t have to go back the way you came. You can’t anyway.... Now, there’s a huge blue block. Now, this is hard to pick up on, but it’s got the same symbol on it that the Temple of Time doors did before you opened them. So, you play the Song of Time to make the block vaporize, and go through the tunnel revealed, and you’re in the windmill!! And now, if you time your jumps right, you can get a Piece of Heart too(and you better; since this is the only way to get that one). Now listen to Navi’s latest shrewish whine and go to Kokiri Forest.

Navi is SO ANNOYING!! I can’t think of anybody more annoying than NAVI!!!
Um.....I know of someone worse, but never mind.

Ha ha, look at this place! I bet Mido’s really sorry NOW!!
No, actually, you just took the rap for all this! Ha!

There’s Sheik again. I already played Super Smash Bros. Melee so I know who Sheik is!!
Good for you, you’ve had one of the best-kept secrets in the game spoiled for you. By the way, Aeris dies.

Now what do I do?
Use the thing you just got. Hookshot the branch on that odd tree and get up to the Forest Temple entrance.

Eek! It’s your mother!

I can’t open the door.
Here’s what to do: First, climb up the wall, being wary of the Skullwalltula. Then land on the tree. You will see a chest there; what you need is inside. Now open the door, and four ghosts will see you and dash into various parts of the temple. You’ll meet them all later(and they have names like “Meg” and Amy.” They’re all girls...) Now just go straight, to the door opposite the way you came in, and you’ll fight some Stalfos dudes for another key.

You don’t have to use the key yet. First go back to the main room and play the Song of Time on that other block that looks like the one in the grave. Oh yes, and if you meet a thing floating in midair, on fire, that looks like a bad drawing of a skull, that thing’s called a “Bubble.”

How do I pop it?
Ram it with your sword and the flame will go away; then slash it while it hops to get away. What exactly is a Bubble anyway?...well, according to the original manual for the first Zelda game, they’re ghosts of fallen soldiers. No; Stalfos really aren’t the same; they’re soldiers of Ganon(which is why you don’t see Stalfos in Majora’s Mask, but Bubbles everywhere). Bubbles could originally “jinx” you if you touched them, so that you couldn’t use your sword for a period of time. They can’t do it here, but annoyingly they CAN do it in MM.
There are several different kinds of Bubbles in OOT, some big and some small. You’ll meet the most annoying one in the Kakariko well.

Now you destroy the huge Deku Baba. (yes, they grew with you....how annoying. In Majora’s Mask some can walk. Yeah, everything’s more interesting there....maybe you should’ve bought that instead. Just kidding; the proper way to play is to play this one first....) Now go to the right side of the room and to the vine you can climb. Kill the first two Skullwalltulas on that vine; the third you can’t kill because it’s out of the Hookshot’s range....so while climbing up the vine you’ll have to move past it when it’s not looking at you. At the top of the vine is a door. Go through it and eventually you’ll wind up on the balcony of another room similar to the one you were just in. There’s a target close by.

I don’t see it.
That’s because targets in this game do NOT look like the Target logo! Probably for legal reasons. Anyway, it’s black and kinda small. Do you see it now? Use the Hookshot and pull yourself there via that target. When you get there, you can stand on a rusty switch. The well will drain....now hop off(ouch) and jump down that well(ouch again). There are hearts in there, as well as a key. Then climb back up and....you’re back where you started! Go back out to the lobby.

Now you want to use your key on the left door, so do that. There’s a short hallway with a Skulltula on the ceiling.

Oh noooooo!!!! He’s going to be mean to meeeee!!!
Shut up, Mr. Bill. From now on, all the spider monsters are total pushovers. One hit from the Hookshot, front or back, will get rid of them. They’re so easy now, I wonder why they’re even here.

What’s with this music?
Isn’t it nifty? It’s got kind of a “dog” chorus “ow-URF, ow-URF.” This tune ties with Jenova’s Theme(plinka-plinka-doinga-plinka-plinka-doinga(echo-echo-echo) as the most unique, original tune I’ve heard in a game(or elsewhere for that matter).

How do I fight Jenova?
You have to outrace the Running Man. He will tell you his real name is “Faery Ben” and that by beating him you lifted a werewolf curse from him. Unfortunately, it was passed on to you, so wait until night on Hyrule Field and you will turn into a werewolf. Now you can slash your claws like nobody’s business and run like the wind. If you can kill all the Poes on the field before the sun comes back up, you’ll get something cool. Go to the weird person’s place in Castle Town Ruins(where the pots used to be) and he/she will say, “Am I a boy or a girl? I don’t know.” Then he/she will give you “Din’s Fireier Fire,” which will let you do Omnislash on enemies....and just then Jenova will crash through the ceiling and growl, “THAT POWER BELONGS TO MEEE!!” Then you fight Jenova--be sure to use your new power. After Jenova is defeated your N64 will explode. That’s a glitch, sorry.

Are there any more glitches in this game, dude?
Yes. After you kill the Bubble in this next room, you can still hear it flapping around even though it’s not there. This is either a goof, or you can hear the Bubble that’s flapping around in the room above you(which would still be a goof; I mean, why would you hear it?)

Now you climb up some stupid ladders and push some blocks. Pull the first block out, push it as far as it will go (Navi will say, “Look, there are arrows on the ground” like you are blind.) And when you’ve got it pushed all the way, go back where it was and go through the newly-revealed opening, go around to the back and the block will be there. Push it some more and it will lock into where it’s supposed to be. Now climb up the block. Now you can figure out what to do with the red block too, probably, so I won’t waste my breath. After all that, you defeat 2 more Bubbles and unlock that door.

Did I take the wrong pills this morning?
No, that hallway is intentionally like that. But here’s the deal--before you run completely through it, check the map in the corner of the screen. You need to know where the exit is because I hate this room. I haaate it, and its sister later in the dungeon.

Why do you hate it?
If you must know, it scares me. Really. You’re in a mixed-up room and you have to find the exit, and you suddenly hear this scary noise, and it gets louder and then this ugly, black severed hand leaps down from the ceiling to grab you. If you don’t stay out of its shadow, it’ll get you and--no, not kill you--put you back in the enterance of the dungeon!!! It’s not only hideous and frightening, it’s smart too--it knows how to hurt the PLAYER!!! They’re called Wallmasters and while they weren’t always this ugly, they have always been this aggravating. Anyway, go in the room, hop to the second stone and then turn right and hop some more, and you won’t run into it. If you fall off you might as well let it catch you; as there’s no exit then.

Now just go through this hallway and ignore the Poe cackling; you’ll take care of her soon. Go through the door and get ready to battle.

If I fall in that huge hole will it take me to Oz?
STAY AWAY FROM THE HOLE, YOU FOOL. Battle the Stalfos but don’t fall in the hole. After you beat that Stalfos, the hole will seal up and two more Stalfos will appear. By the way, if you didn’t know....once you kill one Stalfos, get rid of the other fast....if it takes you too long, the other one will just go back to life. Getting rid of them both exterminates them for good. Now you get a Bow and arrows! Hot! If you’re looking for something to shoot, now’s the time, so go back through the door you came in on, and get that cackling Poe.

Where is she?
She’s in the paintings---she warps through all three in this room. Don’t get too close to one when you see her in it, or she’ll warp to another. Just shoot the paintings with her in them from long range. After all 3 are gone, she’ll appear by the unlit torch. Fight her....the easy sissy way is to do it with arrows every time she appears; the macho way is to use the sword and hit her once, then dodge her attacks and flaming lantern for a while, then wait for her to appear, then hit her again.....

What are their names?
There are 4 poes in all.....their names are Joelle, Beth, Amy and Meg. Joelle is the ghost of some hick from the Beverly Hillbillies. Beth is the ghost of Dave Barry’s ex-wife. Amy is the ghost of that annoying girl with the braces that you had to sit next to in seventh grade. Meg is the ghost of Meg Griffin from “Family Guy.”
Now that you got rid of Joelle(and got a nifty treasure to boot), go back through the empty Stalfos room and get rid of Beth the same way. After you get rid of her you might as well save and reset...you don’t want to go back the whole way you came, right?

I’m back in the lobby.....now what do I do?
Go back to the room with the Bubbles and the Blocks....do all that climbing and tripe again, then get to the twisted hallway. Now you can shoot the eye icon above the door and untwist it. The good news is, that stupid hand can’t bother you now since all you have to do to get out of the room is drop down a hole. But first, get the Boss Key. (Rats, now you’ll probably run into it....)

Will I have to face a hand eventually?
Yes, that’s up next....but it’s a Floormaster, which is different from a Wallmaster. Floormasters are harder to get rid of. Don’t slash it when it’s flashing green and charging; it’s invincible then. (To make it NON-invincible, use the shield to block one of its attacks.) When you DO strike it, it splits into 3 Floormasters. This alone makes it almost as creepy as it’s brother, because if a little Floormaster hangs around long enough, it’ll go for your throat, strangle you and use your life energy to grow into a regular-sized Floormaster(ack!!)
So what do you do? Use the Spin attack.....it solves that problem. I have yet to just let them attack me and see how many Floormasters I can get inside one room without a severe slowdown in framerate.
I recently went back here and fought the Floormaster again, and let me tell you, that thing is GROSS. It should be in the movie “Alien,” not an E-rated game. But you really have to hand it to these artists here--some of the enemies in this game are more frightening than anything I’ve seen in some M-rated stuff. That says a lot.

Now go to the Poe halls again. The reason why you couldn’t move forward before was because you needed a key. Now you have it, so unlock that and.....GEEZ, it puts you right in the OTHER twisted room--AACK. Climb down the ladder, turn left and climb up another ladder. No, the Boogeyhand can’t get you when you’re on a ladder.

Should I jump in those spikes?
Yes. But before you kill yourself, hop onto one of the platforms as it passes you and switch to Bow View Mode with your Arrow button. You’ll soon pass a frozen eye switch, and when the flames from the torch and that arrow line up in your sight.....SHOOT! It’ll defrost the switch and untwist the other room. Now go there and drop in the hole, same as before.

“The ceiling is falling”?
My first time through this, I was now thinking: “Oh great, what now?” Not only is the ceiling falling, but Skulltulas are waiting to drop on you as well. So fool the ceiling into falling once(move forward and then move back), and then shoot the Skulltula on the right side of the ceiling. That gets rid of him, so now run to the switch, stand on it and wait for the ceiling to fall. Once it gets back up, run to the door at the end.

There’s nothing in here but another Poe portrait.
Doi. But before you shoot it, study it for awhile, because you need to assemble four blocks once you shoot it. Now, they usually fall in a way that you can just push them to each other and assemble the portrait, but one block is a fake; it’s darker than the others. Ignore that one; push it out of the way. Don’t worry about that clock; you can’t really seriously goof up because every time you run out of time, the clock will reset and give you ten more seconds than you had previously.
Now the last Poe(Meg) will show up in the lobby, which should be where you end up now. Stand in the middle and four Megs will appear, but only the real one will spin before they start rotating around you. Attack with sword or arrow, then repeat....

What do I do in this room?
Spin it(cue TaleSpin theme here). Spin counterclockwise. You should get some money, and a Golden Skulltula by spinning, revealing rooms and hitting switches. If a room is blocked with a gate, that’s because you have to hit the switch in the room on the opposite end.

AAH! Is it the end of the game already??
No, but cool idea for a boss, dontcha think? Only a phantom version of him. Here is a trick few people figure out: if you stand on one of those little Triforce designs on the ends of the platform, he can’t really blast you. Now switch to Arrow-View Mode and watch the paintings....he will come out of one; shoot him with an arrow as he glides past you. After enough of this he’ll get off his Solid Black Gerudo Stallion™ and just hover over the arena, firing stuff at you. Deflect them with your sword; eventually the blasts will start ricocheting off it and you two will be playing Hackeysack with the blast until it hits him. When that happens, rush over to where he falls and slash him until he gets back up. After some of this, you’ll win.

What do I do now?
Get a horse. Actually, you coulda done that before you went to the Forest Temple, but I just delayed telling you until now. Go to Lon Lon Ranch and talk to Ingo, then pay for a horse ride, then pay for another one. While in the second one, play Epona’s Song to get Epona, then trot over to Ingo and talk to him. He’ll challenge you to a race. Win that and he’ll be furious and challenge you to another one....win THAT one and the horse is yours, but there’s a catch--Ingo is so angry, he won’t let you out. Build up steam and head straight for the gate. HA HA HA.....

Now that you have a horse, you can get the Biggoron Sword, but it’ll require a little rule-breaking(you’ll see what I mean later). The Biggoron Sword is optional, but it makes this whole game easier.

Now you’re in the Fire Temple, and have to deal with annoying Keese right from the start. First go left to meet Darunia, he’ll talk to you and then he’ll enter the Volvagia room behind him(hey, how did he get a Boss Key?) Now hop to the left to rescue your first Goron, and get a key. Keep in mind that if you don’t have enough keys, there’s a Goron somewhere you didn’t rescue. Now that you have a key, unlock the room on the right of the lobby now.

Is it a good idea to walk on the lava?
Actually......yes. It must have something to do with the Goron Tunic, but you can walk on top of the lava here and only be damaged a dinky little bit for every 10 seconds you take. So instead of taking the bridge, go off and run around the edge, rescuing Gorons behind doors. (No, don’t go in the locked door until you’ve gotten all of them.)

I saw the blue block and played the Song of Time, then climbed up to the room on the left, and all I got was a Like Like and some tiles that flew at me.
Yeah, I was afraid you’d do that. I have done it too many times. Usually, when you see one of those blue blocks, your first instinct is to play the Song of Time; but that won’t get you anywhere. The block isn’t blocking the door you want(the bottom one), but if you play the Song, it WILL block it. The room with the Like Like and such is for later on. By the way, I am very grateful this room is the only one in the entire N64 Zelda game run to have those floating floor tiles. If you want more of them, play any 2-D Zelda....
Now enter the locked door and go to the other side of the fence by sliding down the board, and climb it. As you climb, get to the middle of the fence so that when you get up on that edge top, you can get the Keese at both ends with arrows.

You mean I have to tiptoe along THIS narrow thing??
No....use the Hookshot to target the right-side fence platform and pull yourself to it. Ha--simple.
Jump down and push the block into that hole that’s shooting fire, then jump on it. You’ll bwoosh right up. Get off the block and open the locked door.

Slugs that are on fire? I’ve never seen these before....
Yes, I never thought I would actually see Miyamoto use SLUGS, but that is what is going on. These slugs are no match for your Biggoron Sword, but be sure you DO get rid of them....they actually can move quite fast when they attack. The idea is to catch you off guard--you didn’t really think a slug could run, did you?
Push the block into the design on the floor. Now climb up and hop to it, then hop to the platform above the Goron. And now climb up the fence. You’ll notice the next fence you want to climb is on fire(and no, the Hookshot doesn’t pull you up this time--they knew you’d try that so they negated that effect for this fence. Drop down to the platform above the crystal switch thing, then stand on the edge, aim the Hookshot at it and BOOM! The fire will stop, but it will start again soon. DON’T move immediately; the camera zooms back to you all weird and you need to know which direction to run. Once you do, quickly climb back up and climb up the fence.

Now it’s time for some fun! Run through the Boulder Maze...you have 2 Gorons to free. Once you do, you should have 2 keys....so, go in the castle thing on the right side.

Yeah, you might not want to fall from this height. I recommend you do at least once, though; when you finish the dungeon; because the view is great. Awesome effect.....
Shoot an arrow at the eye switch and the bars will get off that door...now go inside and get the Map(yes, they make you wait this long....)

One Goron can be freed by bombing a platform with a crack in it. Once you do, drop down, talk to him, get the key he has and save your game....because now, you don’t have to go this whole way to get to the Boulder Maze; you just go through the large lava hall, up the lava-boosted block, and then through the opened cage and up the chain-link fence.

Hey! You know when you put Link to the edge of something he hangs off? I wonder what would happen if I made him do that on the lava-boosted block. Would the block smash his fingers when it went through that hall, making him scream “YAAAAAAAGHHH!!”?
Actually, I almost got to see what would happen when I had him dangling off that block by accident, but I quickly righted myself, because my best guess is that he just falls off, and I didn’t want that. But wait....maybe he gets stuck in the wall, and it activates a spectacular glitch that lets you do amazing things! There’s always that possibility. Shoot, now I have to go back and do it.

Now where do I go? When I get to the top of the boulder maze again, the only visible door just goes back to the room with the firewall. Whyyyyy???
Because there was another door in that room; you just couldn’t see it while running the opposite direction. A locked door; so since now you have a key, run back and leap up there. Yes, it looks high but Link can make it. Don’t worry about the Fire Bubbles; they usually miss me.

But what about that high platform that Navi zooms to?
You can only use that if you picked a Scarecrow Song when talking to the Scarecrow, and remember how it goes. When she goes there, play it and the scarecrow will pop up. Hookshot it, and you can go to a secret room with Rupee treasure. But it’s not super-important...

After you unlock that door, you go through an uneventful short hallway. Nothing to see here, so move on...and NOW you’re in the Fire Maze. All those pillars can shoot firewalls between them; you just have to find the ones that can’t in order to get through this. Keese will also keep bothering you; and this isn’t the last room where they do either. The right side is a dead end of firewalls, so take the left side. You’ll find one door with the Compass in it, and another that leads to a room with a Goron you can’t free yet. Ignore him for now and go to the other end; NOW you’re on the right side of the firewall room.
You find a switch here, which will delete the firewall blocking your exit for a few seconds..but don’t step on it until you have figured out exactly how to get there. Running around frantically and getting flamed by pop-up fire in an attempt to get there before the fire returns is futile.

Huh?? This door was rude to me!!
Blow it up.

What’s that thing?
It’s called the Flare Dancer; there are two in all of Hyrule(and they’re both here because the Water Temple just wouldn’t work for them). It looks imposing but all that is smoke and mirrors. Hold up a bomb, approach it and throw close to explode time, right at the Dancer, and the fire will disappear, and you’ll see what a runt it really is. Slash it once; then it will run away. Run the opposite way to meet it on the other side and slash it again, and keep doing that until it jumps back into the fire and gets its flames back. Once that happens, it’ll stay in one place for a few seconds, so hold up another bomb, go to where it is and throw. Bang...now repeat over and over and before you know it, it’s gone. Do the same with the other dude.

I can’t get to this fence in time! The fire goes up too fast!!
So stand on the edge and shoot it from above. Once the cinema ends you should be able to get there in plenty of time, so don’t move immediately or you’ll probably run the wrong direction and right off the platform(in which case you won’t make it).

Where do I get the Megaton Hammer?
If you haven’t already guessed that it’s in that treasure chest surrounded by fire and only linked by a very narrow curved walkway above a several-story fall...well, it is.

Where can I hit stuff?
Go back and hit that little block on the floor. It and you will crash down one floor. Now, hit the statue. Then, hit the similar block to create stairs. Go to the top of the stairs you “made” and grab a small block, then place it on a switch and go to the NEXT room, where you can hit something ELSE. After you fall down another floor, hit more things, free more Gorons, until you finally wind up hitting the block that crashes down into the room where Darunia was, creating a stepping bridge to the boss.

I’m hitting stuff; why isn’t it working??
USE THE HAMMER, dipstick.

You can get to the boss door, but you need the key. So now go to the right side of the stairs in the main lobby(save your game too). Destroy the slugs and the Keese and move on.

Is that food?
No. In Soviet Hyrule, marshmallow eats YOU!

How do I beat Volvagia?
I’m gonna give you some lifesaving tips: when he rises up and makes all those rocks fall, just walk off the edge(don’t run) and hang there. Not a single rock will hit you. When he’s not in the air, stand in the middle because you need to be close to wherever he pokes his head out...and then hit that head with the Hammer. You can supposedly stop his air assault by hitting his head with an arrow, but if I can’t do this, than neither can you. Now your business is done here, and it should be obvious now...you’ve helped the Kokiri and the Gorons, so it’s time for the Zoras!

How do I make red ice?
You don’t wanna know.

As you’re hopping to the Ice Cavern on the flat icebergs, you can hop in a different direction to get a Heart Container. On the right side of the cold island is another Fairy Cave, so if you haven’t already been to it, destroy some rocks hiding it and go inside the hole. The “fairy” gives you Farore’s Wind, which many say is useless, but they’re the ones who play dungeons in one sitting. If it’s my first time, I often don’t, and having the ability to create a warp portal in dungeon areas is very convenient. One neat thing is that if you create a warp in one dungeon, you can travel to it from any dungeon in the game. Other than activating a glitch, that’s almost useless, but still very cool.

How do I stop these stalactites from falling on me?
You don’t stand there.

What keeps making those blowing noises?
“Freezzards.” Nice name, huh? Don’t stand in front of one, or if you do, hack it to bits before it can blow and freeze you. Speaking of freezing you, this place has the dreaded Ice Keese...boy, are you going to hate those.

I don’t get what to do in this room.
Collecting five Rupees that are floating there will open the next door. Three around the ice fan, one behind some smashable stalactites, and one above, which you jump from the high platform to get. After that is a room with more of the same, and then a big room where you’ll see pillars of Blue Fire; get up to the top to fill all your bottles with the stuff. Blue fire melts red ice, just like red fire melts blue ice. Go back to the room with the large blade and melt the part of the wall that’s red in the southeast corner. You’ll find another Blue Fire pillar, so refill the bottle you just used...then melt the red part of the wall on the west side of the blade room to continue.

How do I push the block?
By pushing it. Pulling it just won’t work.

Move the block around the room to get all 5 Rupees. Then push it into a pit to get a new block in the original place, and push it east, then south. If you want even more block-related fun(and money), play the Song of Time.

Is this boss ferocious???
He can control the weather and he wrote the screenplay to “Glitter.” Actually, it’s just another Wolfos, but an albino one. You must spank the wolf until he evaporates to get the Iron Boots, which you need. Did you save a couple blue fire bottles? If not, go back and do that....because after you talk to Sheik, you’ll be heading back to the Zora area to unthaw the King, and open a shop. The King gives you a blue suit that lets you breathe underwater for as long as you want.