Michael Gallagher and Dave Manak wrote and drew my favorite childhood comic book, ALF, and then they created the original Sonic the Hedgehog comic, I've written extensively about both already. What I wasn't aware of though, until recently, was that they took on a job IN BETWEEN those two jobs, for Harvey's short-lived Beetlejuice comic.
It makes total sense. Two things became apparent about Gallagher while reading ALF: (1) he loved tortured puns, and (2) he loved juvenile gross-out gags. Both those things made up 90% of the content in any given Beetlejuice cartoon episode. This is a place where he could REALLY cut loose!
Gallagher didn't write every issue of "Beetlejuice," though. There are some written by fellow Star Comics writer Angelo DeCesare instead, but there's barely any difference. Both were pretty good at translating the spirit of the show into comic form -- for the brief time they were allowed to. Harvey didn't seem to have much confidence in the Beetlejuice comic, releasing the six existing issues as "specials" at random times instead of numbered issues on a monthly basis. They were:
Beetlejuice (July 1991)
Beetlejuice In The Neitherworld (August 1991)
Beetlejuice Horror-Day Special (November 1991)
Beetlejuice: Crimebusters On The Haunt (July through September
1992, a three-part miniseries)
So let's get into it. Like the man said, IT'S SHOWTIME!
THIS IS YOUR LICE
Up in Lydia Deetz's room, Beetlejuice tells her he's working on
his calling card -- scuse me, "CRAWLING card," which is
the comic's logo spelled out with electric eels. Lydia is like
"that's too icky even for me!" so BJ hands her a more
traditional version "written with dirt from my
toenails." That's just icky enough. At that moment, Lydia's
stepmother Delia calls her downstairs, so she has to leave
Beetlejuice hanging. There's someone new there, a psychiatrist,
who introduces himself as "Foster T. Farnsworth" and
whips out a charm...
A "normal teenage girl" is obsessed with boys, huh? That's, um....well, that's 1991 for you. Outdated concepts aside, this is a good hook for the first Beetlejuice story, as it threatens to break up the girl and the ghost for good with no clear resolution (aside from the hypnotism "wearing off"). When Lydia sees Beetlejuice after this, she has no memory of him and reacts with terror. After she runs away screaming, Beetlejuice wonders just what he did to offend her ("maybe it's my aftershave, Essence of Pooper Scooper").
After this, Beetlejuice is stuck in the Neitherworld with no way of even seeing Lydia again, let alone trying to cure her amnesia. He can't visit her unless she says his name three times, and she's forgotten his name...or has she? Seems a part of the old Lydia still remains as she calls out his name in her sleep.
Beetlejuice recounts all the adventures he and Lydia have had together in an attempt to jog her memory, and while she does seem to recall those things happening, she reacts with disgust, not delight. BJ comes to the conclusion that Lydia really doesn't like him anymore and he starts to walk away, only for Lydia to call him back and say "I just remembered I had FUN doing all those things because we like each other!" BJ jumps for joy and turns into stuff to make visual puns, as is his habit.
If Delia doesn't see results, though, she's just going to keep paying the psychatrist to brainwash Lydia, meaning they could be back to the same problem before long. But that's not hard for Beetlejuice to resolve...he just freaks Dr. Farnsworth out with his ghost-demon tricks and the man runs away screaming.
SCUZZ-O
Lydia overhears her father telling a neighbor "unless we
come up with some extra cash soon, we may have to move our things
somewhere else." Concerned that he means moving out of the
house. Lydia asks Beetlejuice for a solution. He says all they
have to do is win the Neitherworld Scuzz-O Lottery, where the
prize is fifty billion dollars.
Unfortunately, the line to buy a ticket is rather long....so Beetlejuice just teleports himself and Lydia to the front of the line, then tells the thick-headed monster he cut in front of that he's actually in the BACK of the line. The monster runs off, and so do the others, believing the lie, leaving BJ and Lydia to purchase a ticket.
Lydia is skeptical this is a very good plan, as even with those other ticket buyers somewhere else, the odds of winning are still incredibly low. BJ says he has that covered too, but doesn't mention how. Eventually, Lydia finds out Beetlejuice signed a contract with a devil named "Lucky Lucifer" to sell himself into slavery for 2,000 years in exchange for Lydia winning the lottery.
Lydia doesn't like that and rips up the ticket, insisting if she's truly BJ's friend, she wouldn't want him selling his soul. With the ticket destroyed, BJ's deal is null and void before it began. Fortunately it turns out Lydia's father was actually talking about a storage shed, not the house, so she's sticking around.
THE NEITHERWORLD
BEAUTY PAGEANT
This one starts out with a summary of how Beetlejuice and Lydia
got together. There were complaints from some that Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice seemed to make the cartoon
"non-canon," but the reality is, it never was -- it
follows its own separate continuity. I can't really see Lydia
taking a shine to Beetlejuice after what he pulled in the 1988
film anyway.
Beetlejuice has stopped by to tell Lydia about the Neitherworld Beauty Pageant. Lydia says she's not interested. BJ says "Oh yes you are -- you're already entered!" He already put her name in because he has his eyes on a 50% take of the prize money. This leaves Lydia pretty mad, mad enough to say his name three times. She's transported to the Neitherworld and finds herself in the contest anyway.
Of course "beauty" is a subjective term for this place. The frontrunner is a blue woman sawed in half who has entered herself twice. She doesn't appreciate the competition and chews Lydia out -- driving her to actually go through with this just to show Ms Blue up. After a tight race in the talent competition, the judges start to hand the award to Lydia -- only for Ms. Blue to point out that Beetlejuice helped her win and that's against the rules. The judges reverse the decision, causing BJ to throw a tantrum (and turn into a baby).
For unknown reasons Lydia wears a blue poncho when she visits the Neitherworld in the comic, but on the show it's red. I don't know if it's related to the "Bart Simpson has a blue shirt on merchandise so they can catch bootleggers" thing.
WHERE THE GHOULS ARE
Lydia's parents are taking her on a trip to the beach, and she
orders Beetlejuice to stay behind. He doesn't. Exasperated, she
points out that he'll spook the entire shoreline. BJ takes the
innocuous form of a beach ball to placate Lydia, and her parents
are none the wiser (in fact, they play catch with the
"ball," much to BJ's discomfort). However, just a few
panels later they're swimming in the ocean as a shark speeds
right toward them. Lydia has no choice but to plead for
Beetlejuice's help. He takes another form no one will mind --
that of a muscular superhero he just invented named Beetleman,
and throws the shark far away. The final page reveals the fate of
the critter -- BJ ate him.
GET ME TO THE CHURCH
ON SLIME
Lydia can't believe Beetlejuice forgot to give her a Christmas
present. When she summons him, he turns out to have a valid
excuse: he's getting married. But who'd want to marry Beetlejuice
willingly? The answer is still "no one"....he's been
automatically betrothed thanks to a weird Neitherworld tradition.
Wait'll you hear this: he was about to conduct a panty raid on the All-Ghouls School, but the girls had been tipped off that he was coming, so they leapt out of the bushes and threw things at him. In retaliation, he spat his gum into one of the girls' faces. And in the Neitherworld, if you spit your gum at someone and it hits them square in the face, the both of you must have a "shotgum wedding." Makes total sense.
When they teleport to the Neitherworld, Beetlejuice is shocked to find himself surrounded by "every ghoul, goblin and gonzo I ever ripped off, swindled or sold out!" But everything's cool (for once)...they all came to watch him get married because they figure domestification might finally slow him down and get him out of their hair.
Wait, since when can LYDIA shapeshift?? Hope someone got fired
for that blunder.
They aren't wrong. Beetlejuice is distraught to find out the girl's father wants to take him into the family business (gravedigging, apparently) so when he marries her he'll have to spend all his days...WORKING. Lydia has heard enough and she can't let the wedding go through. On the day of the "blessed" event, when the minister asks for anyone to speak or forever hold their peace, Lydia jumps up and points out neither the bride or groom love each other, or even like each other.
"But Lydia, we have to go through with it, there's gum on her face," BJ points out. Upon hearing this, Lydia simply rips the gum off the girl's face and just like that, he doesn't have to marry her anymore. Twelve pages for this. I have to at least give Gallagher points for originality.
NEVER A DOLL MOMENT
Both stories in this issue start with someone looking for a
present. In this case it's Beetlejuice searching for the perfect
gift for Lydia's birthday. He may have found it when he sees a
commercial for "Barfie," the trendy Neitherworld
doll....but isn't Lydia too old for dolls? Apparently not.
Unfortunately Barfie is so popular that the local Toys R Pus is almost completely sold out. Just one doll is left by the time Beetlejuice gets there, and he and a giant witch doctor grab it at the same time. The guy looks pretty strong, but Beetlejuice has the advantage of being able to change himself at will, so he simply turns into a giant hand and swats the guy.
But the witch doctor has tricks of his own. As Beetlejuice attempts to run off with the doll, he is suddenly stopped by sharp pains. It's the doctor sticking pins in a BJ voodoo doll. He gets the doll back, but Beetlejuice comes up from behind in a costume as a "representative from the Barfie company." He informs the doctor that Barfie will need dozens and dozens of accessories, all of them expensive. The guy is now like "forget that" and tosses the doll away.
Beetlejuice seems to have won, but then he hears crying in a jungle hut. It's a baby witch doctor upset that he won't be getting a Barfie. What does he care, he's Beetlejuice, the meanest, most selfish guy in town....except when the plot doesn't call for it. BJ literally melts into sap, then willingly gives the kid the doll.
But then what does he give Lydia? The Beetlejuice voodoo doll, that's what. "Just...try not to hug it too much," BJ says while nursing a pain in his side.
ELLIOT MESS AND THE
UNWASHABLES
Between that story and this one, the comic went on hiatus for
seven months and came back with a much lengthier story than what
it had told before. No more twelve-page mini-sagas; Beetlejuice
was now one long story told over a miniseries of three whole
issues. And it starts with Lydia looking through her family photo
album and asking if Beetlejuice has any family. He tells her of
course he does, she just hasn't seen them because they hate him like everybody else. Lydia
doubts it's true, so he takes her to the Neitherworld to show
her. Also, Lydia's poncho is now the correct color.
BJ's parents complain about his hygiene and tell him he should be more like his brother Donnyjuice. Donnyjuice? Is there a joke I'm missing here? If I had to come up with a name for Beetlejuice's "good" brother I might pick something like "Applejuice," since apple juice is a lot better for you than the juice of beetles would be. But Donnyjuice...I don't get it. It's just a guy's name with "juice" after it. Maybe it's an inside joke...someone at Harvey knew somebody named Donny and put him into the comic. I don't know.
Beetlejuice leaves his family home still sore over his treatment there, and Lydia points out it doesn't come from nowhere. She tells him maybe if he really WAS more like his brother, he'd be treated nicer. BJ can't stand the thought. But before the conversation can continue further, a horde of Neitherworld citizens runs past them in terror. BJ asks them what happened and they say someone just desecrated Ply-Mouth Rock, a public landmark (and a giant mouth)...by cleaning it.
Since the Neitherworld prefers things dirty, cleaning public property is considered a crime. Lydia says finding the criminals and busting them would make BJ look better in his parents' eyes...possibly better than Donnyjuice. Beetlejuice is like "I'm too lazy and I don't care"....until his television tells him the same vandals have now hit the bank. "WHAT? That's where I keep MY money! NOW IT'S PERSONAL!"
Beetlejuice dons the outfit of Elliot Mess, G-Man (the G stands for Garbage) and heads to the bank to thwart the clean-up crew. But they turn out to be more than his match....and they also turn out to be giant, living cleaning products. There's a vacuum cleaner, a mop, a washbucket and a washing machine, and after they're through kicking Beetlejuice around, he is literally all washed up.
BJ isn't going through that a second time, so he appoints Lydia, Jaques the French Skeleton and Ginger the Spider as his crew, "The Unwashables," and sends them out to do his literal dirty work. They find a sponge working for the gang and torture him with a record of Beetlejuice singing his greatest hits. The sponge cracks and tells them they're all taking orders from their boss, "The Big Squirt." The Big Squirt is currently preparing his greatest act of cleanliness yet....a detergent bomb at the harbor tonight that will purify Neitherworld's Messyslop River forever.
You can probably guess who the Big Squirt is. He's the only previously established citizen who isn't a floating cleaning product AND loves being clean. It's Donnyjuice all right, After the Unwashables stop the bomb, he appears and confesses "I was just trying to make the Neitherworld a nice, CLEAN place to live in." The police arrive and arrest him, and Lydia tells Beetlejuice his parents can probably respect him now. "But doesn't all this make me....THE NICE BROTHER??" BJ finds the notion revolting and runs away about to puke.
OILCATRAZ ISLAND
The story could have easily stopped there, but instead, Lydia
wonders aloud if Donnyjuice was REALLY as guilty as they thought.
He seemed like a nice enough person...why would he willingly
commit a crime, even if it had results he approved of? She tells
Beetlejuice she believes he was set up. You'd think he wouldn't
be interested in helping his hated sibling, but now that BJ saved
the Neitherworld, public opinion on him has completely flipped.
Everyone consders him a hero and sings his praises
everywhere....and he HATES IT. "I'M supposed to be the
family slimeball, not Donnyjuice!" he rants. Since there's
something in it for him, BJ agrees to try and stop Donnyjuice's
rigged trial.
The judge immediately sentences Donnyjuice to the sandworm desert, but Donnyjuice is so nice that he's overjoyed by that news. "I just love sandworms! I used to have a pet sandworm...until he grew to fifty feet and ate some of my neighbors." The judge changes his mind. "I'm instead sending you someplace you can't POSSIBLY enjoy!" he growls, and pulls a trap door lever. BJ and Lydia arrive just in time to watch Donnyjuice fall through. They jump in after him and wind up in...
OILCATRAZ, the Neitherworld's most high-security prison! Escape is impossible...but try telling that to Beetlejuice. His shapeshifting powers definitely make him hard to contain, but he gets as far as the shore before he finds out it's surrounded by a sea of oil -- it's muck not even he can swim through.
In the cafeteria, Beetlejuice has another idea. He'll start a fight between the prisoners and escape in the chaos. BJ casually stretches his neck toward the beefy monster dining next to him and says, "Hey, how about we start rioting over this bad food?" "WHAT?? The cook is my MOTHER!" the man yells, and pummels Beetlejuice. That didn't go so well, so Lydia thows her meal at the toughie, which initiates a food fight. That allows them the ability to escape, and commandeer a chopper to fly out of there.
But the "chopper" doesn't fly; it's there to serve the opposite purpose: digging down. Beetlejuice, Donnyjuice, and Lydia are now in a worse predicament than before: they're in the underground area where prisoners are forced to dig for oil all day. The prison guards are constantly there, so it looks like they're truly stuck this time.
But then one guard orders Donnyjuice not to drill too close to the main pipeline, as its purpose is to pump oil to the surface and it's about to go off in "one minute." "One minute, you say...." says Beetlejuice, then breaks a hole in the pipe on purpose so he and everyone else can jump in and ride the gusher to the sky. Once there. Beetlejuice quickly turns into a balloon so they can float to safety.
They're not quite safe yet, however....this is part 2 of 3. The cliffhanger is that they drift into Sandworm territory.
THE VIOLENCE ON THE LAM
There is a long history of comic books using deceptive covers. Here's another one. Despite what the cover suggests, Beetlejuice only becomes Super Slob for about two pages of the issue. It's mainly about resolving the dilemmas set up in the previous two.
Beetlejuice, Donnyjuice and Lydia are now stuck in the sandworm desert. The most dreaded creatures in all the Neitherworld will surely devour them before long. They rush to what they assume is a safe hiding place, but turns out to be the top of a Sandworm's head. And as it rises they figure they're surely doomed, until...
...the Sandworm turns out to be Cuddles, Donnyjuice's pet he mentioned earlier. The worm is on their side. They now have a way of escaping the desert on Cuddles' back, but once they return, their problems won't be over....Beetlejuice and Donntyjuice are still wanted men.
What they have to do is track down the REAL "Big Squirt" and get him to confess. The only easy part of this plan is that he doesn't really hide himself...Donnyjuice takes them to the headquarters of Squirter Inc, where he works. The place is locked tight...but not for long. The below joke actually got a laugh out of me:
To get a confession out of Big Squirt, Beetlejuice has to become the one transformation he NEVER wanted to be...that of his brother. "Donnyjuice" walks into Big Squirt's office just as the mob boss is gloating over his one witness being Sandworm food. For now, Beetlejuice doesn't break character, so Big Squirt believes he's still working for him and shows "Donny" his ultimate plan: a mega-ton nuclear soap missile that will clean ALL of the Neitherworld.
But then Big Squirt notices Donny is snacking on beetles and he knows Donny never does that. "YOU'RE BEETLEJUICE IN DISGUISE!" he rages, just as Lydia comes up from behind and grabs his launch remote. She throws the remote to Beetlejuice, who's lifting up the floorboards looking for more bugs. He almost doesn't see the remote but catches it just in time. And while he was distracted with THAT, Big Squirt grabbed Lydia as a hostage. It's at this one and only moment that BJ turns into Super Slob, but it's only for show. Big Squirt easily defeats him with a water hose and escapes with the screaming Lydia.
So now Beetlejuice and Donnyjuice have to somehow find the boss while the Neitherworld police force are still after them. Their only advantage is a fog is currently drifting through the area, making it easier to sneak around. Donnyjuice sets up a meeting place where Beetlejuice is expected to exchange Lydia for the launch remote. Unfortunately he picked a place right below a giant "WANTED" billboard of them both, surrounded by cops.
The cops also see Big Squirt with Lydia, and guess correctly he kidnapped her, so they're now after them all. A car chase leads them straight to a cliff. Lydia screams for Big Squirt to slow down. He says he won't -- unlike her, he's a Neitherworlder, which means he's already dead. He drives them off the cliff as BJ and DJ watch in horror.
BUT Cuddles has arrived a second time! Safely perched atop his head, Lydia is now saved. Too bad the Neitherworld isn't. Big Squirt simply yanks the launch remote out of BJ's pocket and, having nothing left to lose, presses the button. The giant soap missile launches into the air. What could possibly be the solution now?
...The same solution that resolved The Mask. At's a soapy meat-a-ball!
Big Squirt is arrested, and everybody loves Donnyjuice again. But this means Beetlejuice is still a hero, doesn't it? He doesn't seem to mind as much on the final two pages. In fact he even confesses to Donnyjuice that he does love him as a brother -- but then vomits soap scum all over the page where he does it, preserving his rep.
And that's as far as we can go. Harvey mentions something about another three-parter in the works called "Hooray For Horrorwood," but that never appeared. Did the title not sell well, or did Harvey itself implode? I can't find anything online that says they collapsed, but the facts are I NEVER saw another comic with the Harvey imprint appear on a shelf past 1993. "Beetlejuice" was one of the last original comics they made, with their primary output at that point being reprints of their classic material. The other original comic was "Saved By The Bell," but you'll have to wait for Saved By The Bell: The Movie to come out for me to cover that one.