Do I ever have a tasty treat for you today. It's not often I can pull this kind of weight, but THIS week, I have scored an interview with none other than the hottest names in hip-hop for the next ten minutes: FAR EAST MOVEMENT. Their single "Like a G6" has been burning up the illegal download charts for the last three months. What could these musical geniuses possibly have lined up for us next? I aim to find out!
PC: Okay, the first thing I want to ask is for you to explain over half the words in this stupid thing, because I don't get it.
FM: Where do you want us to start?
PC: The title, I guess.
FM: You don't know what a G6 is? Don't you keep up on the private airplane market?
PC: I've kinda fallen out.
FM: Yeah, well, the good rap's about expensive stuff, right? A'aight. You gotta have the expensive stuff if you wanna PAWTY. Our placeholder line was "I'm feeling so fly, like an insert expensive thing here." And we were gettin' kinda tired of sayin' that, but we waz stumped, man, stumped. So anyway, we were in somewhere, in something...I forget what we were in, but it was above the clouds...and Drake says we got G4 pilots in the house! An' I say, that's fly! G4 pilots! But what's flyer than a G4? Of course, it would be a G6!
PC: What about a G8?
FM (after long silence): .................WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
FM: Day-yum, I wish we'd thought 'a that earlier! That is FLY, man! That is SO FLY, you must be the FLYEST DUDE ever! You are a fly genius, Shawty!
PC: I am a genius, and don't call me Shawty!
PC: Moving on to the second question....was there any particular message this song of yours was trying to get across?
FM: It means we wanted y'all to experience a night with us. We hit the clubs, three clubs in one night. We feel fly. It's just about 'feeling fly,' feeling yourself. Living that night like it's your last.
PC: Like if you got into a car and were so completely plastered that you drove right off a cliff and exploded into flames?
FM: EXACTLY! That could happen at any time! You are SO with us!
PC: Carpe diem....
FM: Heeeey, leave the ebonics to the experts.
PC: Inquiry #3....I'm sure a song as personally hand-crafted as "Like a G6" required a lot of hard work. How long did it take to write, record and mix this one?
FM: We made that song in two hours with the Cataracs, our production team. Great chemistry. We literally just went back of the pool house with the Cataracs and partied, partied, partied, and out came "G6."
PC: You partied for two hours and when you were done you had recorded a professionally dubbed song?
FM: Well yeah, man, how else would it work?
PC: I don't know, but I've been given a clue. I should point out that your chorus line -- the very one that gives your song its name -- is actually stolen from another song by another artist. The recording is literally ripped -- it's the same girl. And her part is repeated at least three times, meaning you didn't create over half of this.
FM: Hey, it's about the collaboration, dawgster. We all in this together, homey beef, ya know what I sayin'? All in this to-gethuh.
PC: That's very beautiful, but---
FM: Hold on, I gotta take this call.
One of the FM: Yeah?
Aw, hey babe!
I AM SO SICK OF THINKING YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT! What's that thing you can do where you can't get pregnant for like two years? You should do THAT!
Maan, I can't deal with this right now, we gotta be at a party in ten minutes.
PC: Uh, how often do you guys....party?
FM: EVERY DAY AND EVERY NIGHT! We went to 7 parties before we got here!
PC: Really now. How hard did you party?
FM: AW WE PARTIED SO HARD, MAN!
PC: Did you bounce up and down?
FM: Oh yeah, we bounced up and bounced down so much, man, we were bouncing so hard, we...wait, I feel another song coming on...
PC: Suppress it for a minute. Did you snip a lot of scizzors? Because according to the song, you did a lot of that.
FM: Aw no, what we said was.....maybe we did say scizzors, what do you remember, Roh?
One of the FM: We was saying SIPPIN' SIZZURP.
PC: Oh. Thanks for clearing that up, he said sarcastically.
FM: It's a mixture of promethazine and codine. When they hand you the sizzurp, you gotta down it, dude!
PC: Uh....Did you drink anything they handed you?
FM: Aw, you bet! It's a party, man!
PC: Maybe you should get checked out then.
FM: HAW, NO PROBLEM, WE GET CHECKED OUT ALL THE TIME! WE'Z SEXY!
PC: Checked out at a doctor's office.
FM: What are you implyin', man, that we need psychiatric help?
PC: No, not...intentionally. So...do you barf a lot?
FM: Aw, you GOTTA barf, man! That, like, makes the experience complete! It makes it completely spiritual!
PC: One more question, guys. If this is your first big hit.....how could you have afforded a private jet before it came out?
PC: In fact, what is with your constant use of "fly," a slang term dating back to the days of the Fresh Prince?
FM: Well, uh, it....totally came back, dude.....
PC: I'm getting suspicious. Have you even been to a party in your lives?
FM: AW MAN TOTALLY WE TOTALLY PARTY MAN WE BOUNCE AND BARF WE---
PC: Why are you wearing those sunglasses indoors?
FM: W-We all had Lasik done! Uhh, don't reach for those! Uhh! Security??
PC: *gaaaaasp* HEY, YOU GUYS ARE ALL ASIAN! YOU'RE NOT BLACK AT ALL!
FM: ......Okay, yeah. We were foolin' everyone
'til we met you. You're no fun.
One of the FEM: Aw, we busted, man! We's totally SKEEZED!
A different one of the FEM: You can stop talking like that, just so you know.
PC: Unbelievable. You're complete frauds. How long did you think you guys could get away with this?
FM: Well, we figured even if we did get caught -- which we just did -- it wouldn't matter. Tom Petty said that today's music industry is like professional wrestling: everybody knows it's fake, but nobody cares. Milli Vanilli really got started too early; they would have been more welcomed in this century. I was a computer software technician two years ago. We know nothing about music beyond the private ebonics classes we took at the record company. We just wanted to put on a show; is that so wrong? I mean, in the end, it's the show that everybody comes for, right?
PC: I guess so. It's been that way ever since Michael Jackson....
FM: 'Zactly. You don't wanna spit on MJ, do ya?
Pleasure ta have ya, we have a party to get to....
One of the FM: What he means is that we're gonna play World of Warcraft all afternoon. Except for me, Shawty, I've become addicted to Farmville.
PC: Have a good time then. And stop calling me Shawty!
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