A heaping helping of fruits and vegetables. What kind of fruits and vegetables? Your guess is as good as mine. The thing in the back that looks like a bell is actually corn on the cob, but the other two? Giant orange grapes? Deer brains? Molecule dioramas? The only people who know for sure are those who were in a position to bite the things. The advent calendar's 66 lambs did, but they can't talk. The Mare Winninghams can talk, but they're all stupid carnivores. I can't win.
The unknown fruits and vegetables fit snugly in the previous box's basket. And you thought the Grinch's growing heart and Ralphie's Red Ryder gun were Christmas miracles? Look at this! The food fits in the basket! Do bears shit in the woods? Who cares!!! The food fits inside the wicker basket!
I wish I was Jean Stapleton. I could be living off television royalties for the rest of my life instead of reviewing advent calendars. Additionally, you could impale me with a cucumber and it would feel pretty good if you hit the right spot. Santa, I was good this year. Gimme what I want.
