What, what? You're still here? You're still waiting for the advent calendar to be finished? December is over, folks. You should've moved on by now. You should be hedging your bets and laying your hopes towards an Easter countdown. Not this, not this Christmas. But, since you're here, and since I'm here, and since I already gave Playmobil and Toys R'Us my money, we may as well finish this thing, aye?
So yes, on December 21st, I received the fourth and final Mare Winningham, this time looking more like a horse jockey than a bashful virgin trying to bang Rob Lowe. To wit, I still believe it's her. In my heart of hearts, and the hearts of the original Mare Trio - we all know it's here. But why is she here? What is her purpose? We had a hard enough time trying to connect ONE Mare Winningham to the holidays. But four? How can you justify four Mare Winninghams in any setting, much less Christ's goddamn birthday?
Look at that. Go ahead. Lookit. Even my digital camera doesn't know what to do. It's blurred with confusion, just like the rest of us. Mare Winningham IV can't dress for shit, but I've always had a thing for brunettes. Particularly Tim Curry and the Chinese photographer from Gremlins 2. Mare IV seems almost too eager to make friends with her long lost twins - we've grown accustomed to a certain level of competition between the Mares. The fact that Mare IV seems to engage the others so hard makes her seem...I dunno, suspicious? There's no telling what her true motives are. But rest assured of this - she IS the last Mare. The Final Mare. From here on out, there shant be another. So what could be left? I think it's pretty simple. Within a few short days and a few lazy box-pulls from the calendar, I think we're going to HAVE to meet the creator - the father of all these Mare Winninghams. It's only natural. Stay tuned.
