Ah, "The Spot." The small red creatures in cool shades helped freshen up 7-UP terminally drab ad campaigns with goofy adventures and episodic commercials. I wouldn't quite put him on the level of Domino's "Noid" or the "Energizer Bunny," but hey, they were certainly higher up on the totem pole than Little "Pizza Pizza" Caesar. More so that that, there was an elusiveness about these "Spots" that always caught our attention. Nobody was ever sure quite what to make of them, so in the interest of being the first to know, we'd watch those 7-UP commercials with insanely devoted attention. We had to know the truth about this "Spot" character, and why we liked him so much.
While Spot and Spot and the other Spots were by no means seasonal, I can't help but associate them the most with Christmastime. Maybe I was just watching more television during those December vacations from school, I dunno. Spot's been seen in at least a few of 7-UP's holiday commercials, but this one's likely the most remembered.
After Santa Claus fills the stockings at a generic suburban house and climbs back up the chimney, the Spots pop off two cans of 7-UP the filthy kids left out during the afternoon. Just like everyone else, the Spots want to see the real Santa. They quickly follow him to the roof, just barely missing a close glimpse as the sleigh disappears into the clouds. But! What's that? Oh shit -- Santa accidentally dropped a toy fire truck, altogether forgetting to leave it by the tree. This means trouble, and with so little time left between now and Christmas morning, it's up to the Spots to make things right.
One of them hops into the toy truck's driver's seat, while the other gets the far less enviable "bumper push" position. After a test of strength, they're able to free the truck from the snow, driving it all the way down the chimney with way more finesse than any two bullets on a soda can should be able to pull off. They make a not-so-perfect landing, but the truck lands just under the tree. A child, presumably woken by all of the racket or because he forgot to piss before going to sleep, fortunately arrives just after the Spots are able to disguise themselves as regular Christmas tree ornaments. They use their feet as hooks, and even make "shhh!" gestures to the audience. See, the Spots knew they were on television. They were hip and with it. I never saw the Noid wink towards the camera.
In the big happy ending, the child forgets all about the suspicious noises he was chasing, instead deciding to oogle over that new toy truck he's not supposed to play with till Christmas morning. Damn kid -- Christmas ain't even here yet, and he's already found a way to lump himself right on top of Santa's bad list for the next Christmas. Why bother being good after that? Doesn't make a difference if he helps religious old women across the street or simply push them in front of moving cars -- the kid's going to have the same coal-ridden Christmas next year no matter what he does. Still, that cool toy truck was a nice way to go out with a bang.
The combination of cute advertising characters, toys, snowy weather, Christmas trees and Santa Claus created a marvelously festive commercial, and Spot would ultimately move on to bigger things. The creatures even got their own video game. If there's anything I want for Christmas, it's Spot's return. Or my own planet. Santa's choice.
I'll never forget the day I first saw Pepperidge Farm's "Goldfish" crackers arrive in all colors of the rainbow. For seemingly as long as time itself, they've been orange. Just orange. The plain ones were more whitish, but nobody ate those. For centuries, Goldfish crackers were a constant. Orange. Cheddary. These days, they come in just about every variety you can think of. Some are "flavor blasted," meaning that the good ol' Farm poured around a pound of salty cheese-dust atop each cracker. Others now have etched-on smiles; there's even varieties of "Baby Goldfish," and the end-all be-all "Giant Goldfish." Lots and lots of Goldfish, and now they come in purple!
Perhaps the greatest of all Goldfish variations is this most recent one -- "Goldfish Holiday." A giant (we're talking BIG) box of red & green boneless fishies who celebrate Christmas by letting you eat them. Awesome.
There's the beasts -- cute, huh? More importantly, they're seriously festive. A bowl of these things out on the snack tray will go a lot further than ribbon candy or tricolor super cookies in spreading the holiday spirit, and as an added bonus, any guests you feed these to will spend the rest of the party ducking into corners trying to dislodge chunks of cheese crackers from their teeth. You win, they win, Pepperidge Farm wins -- everybody wins.
Course, you don't have to actually enjoy the taste of the crackers to appreciate all of the mighty Christmas Goldfish on the box. No longer limited to faceless drones or drones with sunglasses, these Goldfish wear Santa hats, ride sleighs, and some of 'em are even shown with blinking red Rudolph noses. In the vast world of holiday edition junk food, Pepperidge Farm's foray is 100% Christmas.
(click to enlarge)
12/2: SNOWMAN'S HAT!
It's December 2nd, and you know what that means. We've gotta pull another gift box from Playmobil's wacky Advent Calendar. Today, a tiny package revealed Mista Snowman's top hat. Wow, the guy's only a day old, and he's already accessorizing? The hat fits over a previously unsightly lump on Mista Snowman's skull, slanted just enough to make him look drunk from eggnog and sloppier than a snowman drenched in dog piss. I think I like him better this way. Course, now that Mista Snowman's ready for the dance, we can only hope than one of the next few gift boxes brings him a new friend. Will it? We'll see. We'll just see about that, Mista Snowman.
