More cereal from the North Pole -- "Holiday Rice Krispies," in what gotta be the biggest box I've ever seen in the cereal aisle. Seriously, it's about 60% taller and wider than most any other cereal box, even managing to dwarf such known giants as Honeycomb and all of those generic Froot Loops brands with poorly drawn crabs dressed as pirates on the box. I find this surprising, as unless you eat Rice Krispies three times a day at a rate of four bowls per sitting, there's just no way this stuff'll be gone before the holidays. We're easily looking at mid-May before one could even get halfway through. It's a lot of cereal. One box provides more snaps and crackles than six thousand feet of bubble wrap. For under five bucks, that's a steal.
Speaking of snaps and crackles, the familiar Rice Krispies spokesgnomes are shown wearing all sorts of winter gear, and looking happier than ever. I guess skiing brings out the best in gnomes. You might've also noticed the sneaky "Cat In The Hat" promotion rearing its ugly head in the upper right corner -- pay no mind to that. Since cereal is the safest bet for kid marketing at the grocery stores, that damn Cat is on virtually every box in the aisle. The only brand that didn't have a CITH promotion was Crispix. Crispix has no marshmallows or limited edition "holiday colors," so I dealt with the damn cat and pretended to be a fan.
Whatgh an awesome movie that wasgh!
Anyway, as far as Christmas cereals go, this one is kinda blah. Kellogg's only made a half-assed effort, theorizing that half-assed efforts would be forgiven if they included eighty-seven tons of cereal in each box. It worked on me, but I'm not so sure that others will choose Holiday Rice Krispies over the icy glories found in "Winter Lucky Charms." (check yesterday's entry) The box art only received a halfhearted facelift, while the cereal itself got the ol' sporadic dye treatment:
Most of the contents remain the same, save for around 30% which has been dyed red. Red + Cereal = Holidizzays. You can't help but feel that Kellogg's could've done more with this one. Snap, Crackle and Pop have been around for a long time. They're practically pioneers of their industry. If Lucky the Leprechaun can nail seven new holiday marshmallows and a cereal box covered in silver foil, there's certainly something more that could've been done for Rice Krispies.
I dunno...maybe "Ice Krispies?" Make all the ricey bits pure white, add some red and green marshmallows, and viola -- an instant Christmas masterpiece. As things stand now, all I've got is this sorta cool but mostly lame cereal box too large to fit into any normal cupboard. Maybe I can use it as edible packing peanuts when I send Aunt Betty her Christmas present. Actually, no, scratch that. Holiday Rice Krispies itself will be Aunt Betty's Christmas present. It's not like she can see or taste anything these days, anyway. Merry Christmas, Aunt Betty. You old coot.
Okay, this one only has negligible ties to Christmas, but my well's a'runnin' dry, so this is all you get. It's an old ABC Saturday morning teaser ad, telling kids what they'd catch if they woke up early enough. Aside from old faves like "Dragon's Lair" and "Turbo Teen," there was a Christmas-themed episode of "Scooby Doo." The commercial then takes a turn for the worse, promoting "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever," starring what's-her-face from "M*A*S*H*." Conventional wisdom suggests that the ad is from 1983.
Pauly Pooch and Bird the Crow snuck away from Mare's clutches with the final three gifts from Playmobil. Still playing by the rules, they wait until December 22nd to open the corresponding box. How they got it open is up for debate, though one would assume it involved much pawing and pecking. More important is what was inside that box -- a curious magic wand. Neither dog nor bird understand what the wand is to be used for, but realize it as an important enough item not to piss and/or shit on. Pauly took a few quick nibbles, but what do you want? He's a dog.
Meanwhile, Mare and Mysterious Boy finally realize that they're a few gifts short...
M.B.: I can't find those last three presents anywhere!
Mare: Did you check under the couch cushions?
M.B.: We don't have a couch. I checked everywhere, Mare!
Mare: Well, you better keep looking. My sisters and cousins used to warn me about those last few Playmobil boxes.
M.B.: What do you mean?
Mare: Just find them, okay? Real fast like. We're in big trouble if you lost those gifts...
What's that we see? Is that a hint of worry from the devilish Mare Winningham? Who knew she had it in her? Lord knows what's inside the final two boxes, but if the panic on Mare's face is any indication, the final gifts of Playmobil certainly fight for the forces of good.
Really, it's all up to Pauly and Bird, now. A crow, and a dog with a lead x-ray vest draped over its back. What's the Vegas odds on something like this?
