Mare: More ropes? Please, Santa. Get a new game. Eventually, someone will pass by and untie me. After that, I'll track you down and murder your entire family.
Santa: All of this planning ahead surely is an admirable trait, but it's a little too late to get on my good list, Mare. You're going to die in that very spot.
Mare: I am not.
Santa: I'll bet you five bucks.
Santa: Mark! You changed your shirt! Finally!
Mark: Yeah, it was starting to smell like cattle slaughter. Whatever that smells like. Did you take care of my sister?
Santa: Yup. We won't be hearing from Mare Winningham ever again.
Mark: Are you sure?
Santa: I'll bet you ten bucks.
Santa: Well, I guess I should give out some Christmas presents. After all, I'm Santa! Here you go, Mark...
Mark: A tuba?
Santa: Yeah, a big ol' tuba. You've never expressed even the slightest interest in owning one, much less learning how to play, but it just seemed like you.
Mark: A tuba.
Santa: Yes, a tuba.
Mark: Guess I wasn't as good this year as I thought I was.
Santa: Ahhh, my dear little animals. You two are responsible for saving Christmas, so I've got a very special gift for you both.
Pauly: Arf?
Santa: Even better than that, Pauly. Okay, come close to my magic wand, and concentrate as hard as you can.
Bird: Cawwwwww.
Santa: I said concentrate. Not caw.
Santa: There! Pauly Pooch and Bird the Crow -- you are now real boys!
Pauly: Arf arf arf arf arf!
Bird: CAWWWW!!!! :)
Killer: Santa, that's a great gift and all, but it would've worked better if you enabled them to speak English.
Santa: You think?
Killer: Definitely.
Santa: Well, then they'll know what to ask for come next Christmas.
Santa: ...and I didn't forget about you, Killer Reindeer. Here's your present -- it's a brand new collar!
Killer: Wow, a collar. I think that was just two notches below having my balls explode on this year's wishlist. Good work, boss.
Mista: Hey hey hey! Got anything for me, Santa?
Santa: Snowmen don't get Christmas presents, Mista Snowman. Sorry.
Mista: Oh. I'd cry, but as I'm made entirely of water, the gesture would be inherently redundant.
Santa: Wow, I see you've learned some new words! That's worth a gift in my book. Okay, I got a little somethin' for ya...
Santa: Meet Miss Snowman!
Mista: Oh my God! You've brought me a woman!
Santa: Indeed. Now you've got a top hat, friends, and a wife. For a snowman, you're doing pretty well for yourself.
Mista: I bet you give great snowjobs.
Miss: If this relationship is gonna work, you have to make me a promise. No snow puns. Not now, not ever.
Mista: Sno' problem, baby.
Mark: This turned out to be a great Christmas after all!
Mista: It sure did!
Santa: Ho ho ho!
Pauly: Arf!
Bird: Caw caw!
Killer: I hate my new collar.
Mare: Oooh, that rotten Santa! How dare he make me spend Christmas tied to a pole! What did I do that was so wrong, anyway? Killed/ate my parents? Melted one lousy snowman? I'll get them for this -- all of them. Besides, Mysterious Boy probably survived that reindeer attack. I'm sure he'll come strolling through any second now. In fact, I think I hear him coming! Mysterious Boy! Mysterious! I'm over here!
Mare: Mysterious Boy! Hurry it up! Girls hurt just as bad as boys when they've gotta hold their piss for eight hours....
...Mysterious Boy? You there, man?
THE END.
Well, another Christmas has come and gone. Hope yours was filled with great presents and the LORD. I don't have any commercials or Christmas products to add for this final entry, so instead, here's an assortment of pics I've taken during the Christmas season that, for one reason or another, were never used on the site.
Strangely enough, our pals in Playmobiland over to the left were easily the most popular portions of this month-long feature -- seems like you readers cared a whole lot more about Mare Winningham than the zany old ads and the 50,000 dollars worth of Christmas candy I bought. Something tells me we haven't seen the last of Mare, so yeah, there's always next year. Thanks again for spending the month with me and Mista Snowman, and be sure to check X-E regularly for more updates. No more Christmas stuff, but let's face it, we were all getting tired of looking at it anyway. Enjoy, and here's to 2004!
