I've mentioned this ad during an earlier article; now it's time to do the full review. The Christmas sprit comes in all forms, and believe it not, even a cross-promotion between Pepsi and Nintendo was capable of shooting bolts of festivity stronger than any Santa snowglobe or church donation.
The promotion worked wonders for both companies -- actually, it's become one of the literal textbook examples of cross-promoting. The team-up was successful enough to inspire several future pairings between Pepsi and Nintendo. When money's being made, anyone can be best friends. More importantly than the promotion itself was the absolutely kickass Christmas commercial that sprouted from its roots. Designed like a video game, we kick off with Mario wandering into the most general general store in the general history of general stores. Then it gets really fun...
First, Mario must circumvent the many obstacles in his path. No flying turtles or mushroom monsters this time -- now he's avoiding fruit stands and grocery carts. In this I've noticed an interesting phenomenon. This isn't the only commercial that drew up a mock video game, but why is it that, in every case, these mock video games look a Hell of a lot more fun to play than real video games? Mario piddling through a general store, hopping over screaming kids trapped in wagons....you're telling me you wouldn't have bought that?
The power-ups were similarly changed; instead of fireflowers or mysterious leaves that cause Mario to shit out prehensile tails, the familiar "question mark box" spits out Pepsi Cola logos. Awesome. Soda and Super Mario -- the cornerstones of childhood -- all rolled into one. Did I mention that there's a background score of "Deck The Halls," but set to reflect Mario's old theme? Yep. After you download the video clip, you'll be humming it till Easter.
As the action progresses, Mario nails the ULTIMATE power-up. No longer limited to just becoming "Super Mario," Nintendo's golden boy unearths a new identity: Santa Mario. It's the greatest Mario-related thing I've ever seen, possibly excluding the part in "Super Mario Bros. 2" where Toad got to kill a giant mouse with bombs. As Santa Mario, our hero is free to spit fireballs -- but instead of the usual flaming bullets, his hands now shoot out various freebies, courtesy of Nintendo.
Ever the perfectionist, he shoots all of this crap right into the passing customers' carts. Damn. Mario had like two seconds to get accustomed to this "Santa" power, and he already mastered it. Sonic probably would've just ran around the general store looking for clay pebbles to shit on. We know where to stick our loyalties.
The freebies included Nintendo Action Sets (system w/ ZAPPA), Game Boy systems, and "Super Mario Bros. 2" cartridges. The very same year of this promotion, I just happened to receive that very game for Christmas. I think it marked the first time I came. While I was never quite able to get up to boss character "Wart" during my youth, it still ranks as one of my all-time favorites. You had the Princess floating over egg-spitting transvestites, Luigi doing all sorts of freaky shit with his feet, and a Kabuki mask chasing anyone who didn't forget their keys. Great game, and it still holds up just fine today. Click here to read my tribute to the villains of "Super Mario 2," published on some long ago month that I'm not looking up.
Course, I already had the Action Set. I'd receive the Game Boy system too, but not for another few months. I never played it as frequently as most, though certainly enough to know that the second choice of music for "Tetris" was by far the best. And that's my story.
As the final coup, the commercial also provides footage of Pepsi's older style logo. They'd stopped calling their three-liter bottles "Ghostbusters" by then, but hey, Venkman was old news. Follow the link below to watch the madness, though I should warn that the video quality is pretty piss poor. We do what we can. Marry Carstmarsh.
You know, I've been looking at these "Bellywashers" things with intrigue for months, but only now have I found a genuine excuse to actually buy 'em. A beverage company of many gimmicks, Bellywashers are curvy plastic bottles of warm Kool-Aid topped by rubbers spout shaped like famous children's characters or youth pop icons. They seem to have fallen under the radar to people who'd usually collect shit like this -- there's over 50 different bottles, with the character gamut running from G.I. Joe to The Simpsons, Hello Kitty, Spider-Man, Scooby Doo and beyond.
Two more recent editions reflect the holidays -- it's Rudolph and Bumble from "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." If you've ever wanted to drink from Rudolph's pouty lips or Bumble's carrion-filled teeth, here's your chance. They're cheap, and they're limited editions. Once these be gone, these really be gone.
There's the holy liquid, pouring forth from the skull of one Humble Bumble. It tastes putrid warm, but becomes palatable enough when chilled. Still, nobody buys a Bellywasher for the taste -- you could shove oil or dog ass juice in these things -- kids just want the neat bottles. Fittingly enough, Bumble's peddling a juice flavor called "Jingle Berry." The bottle features semi-translucent photos of other characters from "Rudolph," challenging kids to identify their faces only using silhouettes shown against terrible pink fluid. Gah.
Rudolph: Hey Bumble! We're juice bottles!
Bumble: Derrr now we weally bewowng on da Iswand of Miswit Toys!
Rudolph: Hey Bumble! Shut up!
Bellywashers retail for about two bucks a pop. Christmas enthusiasts should probably take note of the "Grinch" Bellywasher bottle, but since it debuted in 2000 and quickly vanished forever, don't take too strong of a note. They're pretty stupid things to collect, but then, my credibility's been shot by all of the other stupid things I've collected. Buffalo nickels with completely smudged off dates, cocktail umbrellas, you name it. Who am I to judge? You want to collect Bellywashers? Go for it. Just start soon...don't want to miss the Christmas editions. Gah x2.
(click to enlarge)
12/5: TINY SLED!
"Mista Snowman" and "Bird, the Evil Crow" became best friends during yesterday's entry. They got off to a roaring start, but soon, problems arose. See, Mista Snowman had a hat. When pickings are so slim, hats are the equivalent of toys. So, Mista Snowman had a toy, and Bird had nothing. An unbalanced friendship, and unfortunately, Mista Snowman doesn't like to share. He tried pawning off that stupid snowy fence as a toy, but Bird wasn't falling for it. Thank God for the bounty found in Playmobil's gift box for December 5th. It's a new sled! A hot new blue sled for a hot new black crow!
Mista Snowman eventually saw more merits in the new sled than his old hat, but Bird refused to trade. It's not because he didn't like Mista Snowman's hat....shit just wouldn't fit on a crow head. Since Christmas is all about sharing, he still agreed to let Mista Snowman occasionally reenact the infamous "SNOWMAN SLEDDIN!" scene from "Jack Frost." Finally, everyone was happy again. With hope, December 6th's gift box won't throw another kink in the chain.
