Some of the items you've been seeing as we count down the days till Christmas were only bought for this purpose -- admittedly, I wouldn't have bought all of this crap if I hadn't intended to write about it. With others, site or no site, there was nothing that could've kept me from pissing my money away. That's definitely the case with these "Fluffy Stuff" bags of "snowball" cotton candy. Essentially a way to hock uncolored cotton candy, the bags retail for just over a buck each.
I've been holding on to these for weeks, gleefully awaiting the day I'd be able to unseal those bags and throw around faux snowballs. As you can see, they missed the target by a few inches. They're only "snowballs" in the sense that they're clumps of white stuff. They're neither shaped or sized like the real deal, so we're lucky cotton candy is so easy to mold. Indeed, with a quick few rolls in your filthy palms, Fluffy Stuff's holiday venture becomes the most perfectly room temperature bunch of snowballs you could ever hope to nail someone in the face with.
Tastewise, it's the usual. Cotton candy. Just like there's no real difference in flavor between the more typical pink and blue hues, Fluffy's albino variety is only unique in appearance. Plain old white, plus whatever dirty marks your hands drop off during that whole "snowball rolling" process.
It's not much, but we can't help feeling that there's some potential being wasted here. Fluffy Stuff's Snowballs are on the verge of something bigger, however unmentioned, and I guess it's up to each particular consumer to unearth that unknown glory. I sat, I debated, I consulted, I ate cotton candy. Then I repeated the last three steps, if only because it's difficult to sit when you're already sitting. After serious consideration, it finally hit me. "Snowballs." That's merely a suggestion. There's a far more poignant opus in the destiny of this crappy candy. If we really want to see this stuff hit its maximum capabilities, there's just one thing we can do. Turn it into...a snowman.
A featureless snowman with no cutesy carrot nose, but a snowman nonetheless. I felt vindicated, and somehow, I knew that the great king of Fluffy Stuff Castle saw my achievement, smiled, and went back to not existing since there really isn't a Fluffy Stuff Castle. I thought about using "Red Hots" to give my new friend eyes and buttons, but a trip to the store in the middle of a snowstorm (IRONY!) caused me to opt for a simpler resolution: I just ate him and went to bed.
Sorry, Fluffyman. At least you didn't physically see me eat your head. You'd given me dinner...I had to at least give you that much. Fa la la la la.
Here's a commercial for ABC's special "holiday" Saturday morning lineup, from in or around 1985. Judging from the clips used and my own personal experiences with these so-called "Christmas mornings," it's oftentimes a rip-off. You sit down with your Fruity Pebbles thinking you're about to watch a six-hour block of bona fide holiday specials, but at best, it's just a bunch of regular toons loosely connected by three-second scenes involving snow.
Some of the shows advertised seemed to fit the Christmas bill -- there were holiday episodes of "The Littles" and "Scooby Doo" -- but others fell short. "Droids" and "Ewoks," the two original Star Wars spinoff toons that were a lot better than they're given credit for, certainly didn't have actual Christmas episodes. Poor kids getting amped up for Santa's arrival at the Ewok Village or R2-D2's pilgrimage to the North Pole were going to be disappointed with more of the usual, but so what? It's not like they paid extra. Lousy complainers.
There's R2. He's in the snow. Snow equals Christmas.
There's an Ewok. It's snowing on top of the Ewok. Snow on top of Ewoks equals Christmas.
Still, the commercial is a good reminder of one of the best, if not least mentioned parts of Christmastime for kids. Those weekend mornings spent paying more attention to the ads than the toons themselves. Hey, we had wish lists to put together. This was no time to get lazy in fueling our "I WANT THIS AND I WANT THAT" fires. Christmas might be about giving and sharing for adult, but it's the most acceptable time to be completely greedy for anyone under 10.
Mista Snowman's world was forever changed by yesterday's arrival of Mare Winningham, and he doesn't even know it. We know it. We're familiar with her work. Following suit with Mista Snowman and Bird's penchant for receiving gifts the day after they're born, December 7th's gift box included a special assortment of accessories for our new queen.
Mare is the lucky recipient of a pink hat and a white scarf -- now she can style the Hell out of Christmastime and stay warm all the same. Now that the frozen skin around her neck and earlobes no longer pose a constant distraction, Mare's free to complete her mission. What's her mission? That's what I wanna know. I don't like the looks of things, to be honest. Mista Snowman seems fine with it, but what's up with him being outcast to the far side of the snowy fence? Mare is chatting up a storm with Bird...where's the love for Mista Snowman?
