- December 13, 2004 -
 MARE: Everyone, everyone, come quick! It's December 13th! That's Double-Gift Day! KNACKS: What happens on Double-Gift Day? MARE: We get two gifts in one box! They're not at all related and have no reason for such lumped proximity, but when Dealer Jesus shoots a pair your way, you don't complain. CLAIRE: I contend that each group of our little "party" receive one of the gifts. Waiterbot and I, Team Evil, should pick first. And by "should" I of course mean "will, or expect much pain." Waiterbot, seize the gift of higher monetary value and bring it to me.  WAITERBOT: Master, it seems we have forcibly inherited our very own Playmobil toy set. I believe it's the rare "Viking Set" from '96 -- the one with the offensive captive girl figure that drew such a ruckus. CLAIRE: Hmmm...a toy? I have no use for that. Come, let's spray the insides with poison and donate the box to goodwill.  KUSE: A candlestick?! That's sooo lame. Plus, we already have a candlestick! MARE: Well, at least now we can light both ends of a table. KUSE: Mare, the only table we have is like nine feet high and barely wide enough to house that wreath centerpiece. Face it, this candlestick sucks. MARE: I can't face it. I won't face it. There must be light. KNACKS: I did it in the Billiards Room. I did it to Miss Scarlet. Get it???  CLAIRE: Whoa hey, what do we have here?! Wow, looks like you guys took home an honest to goodness candlestick! Try not to paint the town too red while we're gone! MARE: Claire, there's nothing wrong with a candlestick. We like candlesticks. What did you guys get? CLAIRE: It's a Playmobil toy box stuffed with solid fucking gold. MARE: Wow...that sounds pretty amazing. CLAIRE: Yeah, it's almost as amazing as getting your very own candlestick! I still can't get over it -- what a treasure! You must be beaming!  CLAIRE: Dyslexic snocksniffing shits. Waiterbot, to goodwill!  KUSE: Jesus, Mare...your sister is a bitch! MARE: Well, technically, she's not my sister, she's my fellow clone. But yes, you're right. We can't wait for Santa Claus to save the day -- it'll be too late! We have to come up with a plan to stop Claire ourselves! KNACKS: It was a "Clue" reference, guys. |
