- December 15, 2004 -

JIM: Do you really expect me to sit in a cage for the rest of the holiday season?

CLAIRE: I don't say these things just so Waiterbot has stuff to listen to. Get in the box.

JIM: Okay, you know what? We've just gone past the point where I would've maybe possibly been able to forgive you for all this. You are now bound to my eternal hatred.

CLAIRE: Cool. Get in the box.

CLAIRE: Now what should we do? I'm all out of evil ideas.

WAITERBOT: Well, we still haven't opened today's gift box yet. I know how much you like presents, master.

CLAIRE: Wow, would ya get a load of this?! Screw Double-Gift Day...we just hit the real jackpot! Three presents for Team Evil?

WAITERBOT: You mean you're gonna share them with me?

CLAIRE: No, that's not what I was getting at.

KNACKS: Hey, what do you two think you're doing?! We're supposed to split the presents, remember?

CLAIRE: Splitting is so last week. These babies are all mine.

KUSE: We aren't leaving until you fork over half the presents, witch.

CLAIRE: Really? Sounds like a challenge to me. Fine -- you want half the gifts? Just fight Waiterbot for them.

WAITERBOT: I'll go easy on you, guys. I'll kill you, but I won't rip out your spine and eat it afterwards.


KNACKS: ...and we wanted to fight Waiterbot for them, but the big chicken hid in the woods while Claire ran away with all of the presents!

KUSE: Someone must've tipped him off that I can beat Street Fighter 86 using Blanka. That's right, Mare -- Blanka.

KNACKS: How are we going to get our share of the gifts, my queen?

MARE: We have no time for that now! Let her have them! It'll keep 'em occupied while I'm finishing these books! Look, I have to figure out some way to knock Waiterbot out of the equation. There's no way we're ever gonna win this battle while she's got that steroid-drenched cactusfreak standing guard. Now what's the status on Random Jim? Is he unharmed?

KNACKS: Oh, right...Random Jim. Kuse, I told you we forgot something!

WAITERBOT: Master, looks like you've acquired another rare Playmobil set.

CLAIRE: And look at this! It's a sign that says "Merry Christmas!" When I kill Team Good, I'll hang it over their smoldering corpses in a fit of irony!

CLAIRE: Wow, check out the last present -- I finally have my own cellphone! And it's glowing!

WAITERBOT: Call the newspapers, master.

CLAIRE: Don't get smart. Remember, I can still force bad headaches on you with the flick of a wrist.

CLAIRE: I need to know if someone's refrigerator is running. Gimme a number.

WAITERBOT: 555-6732.

CLAIRE: Who's that?

WAITERBOT: The woman who played the first mother on The Fresh Prince.

CLAIRE: Oooh, good one.

MARE: Listen guys, I finished reading all of the books, and I think I have a plan to get rid of Waiterbot. I'll need your help, though -- you must bring me Claire's wand!

KUSE: Claire's wand?! Are you nuts? We'll never pull that off.

MARE: Okay, get me that wand, or you're both cut off from you-know-what.

KUSE: She fights dirty, Knacks.

KNACKS: Of course she does! She's a Mare!