- December 18, 2004 -
CLAIRE: I can't believe this! They stole today's gift box!
WAITERBOT: Let's not jump to conclusions, master. Maybe it has just been misplaced.
CLAIRE: I don't care! You're still going to kill them!
CLAIRE: We have to find that box, Waiterbot! It was a big one!
WAITERBOT: I'll keep looking.
CLAIRE: I think we should check out the backyard. Maybe they stashed it there.
WAITERBOT: The backyard? Oh, oh no, it definitely couldn't be there. Definitely not in the backyard. No need for us to check there, master.
CLAIRE: What are you trying to hide from me?
MARE: Okay boys, it's almost showtime.
KUSE: Mare, are you sure this will work? We're going to look really stupid if this doesn't work.
MARE: It'll work, Kuse, have faith!
KNACKS: I have faith, my queen!
MARE: Of course you do, Knacks. Of course you do.
CLAIRE: Hmmm...this is weird. Why would they steal the gift box but not free my pet monkey? Are they trying to fuck with our heads, or are they just cold-hearted bastards?
WAITERBOT: Maybe that guy's a decoy meant to throw us off.
CLAIRE: Good call. I'll check his pants.
CLAIRE: What?! You dare flaunt your blasphemy in open space?! Waiterbot, destroy them!
MARE: Wait, Claire! We're not looking for a fight! We're ready to surrender the box! It's yours -- take it!
CLAIRE: Waiterbot, what do you think? Is this a trick?
WAITERBOT: It's hard to say. With the box where it is, I can't tell if their fingers are crossed.
CLAIRE: Whatever, just cover me. I'm going in...
CLAIRE: I'm glad to see that you've come to your senses, Mare. It would've sucked if you had to spend Christmas without a head.
MARE: You're so right, Claire! I should've known better! You're the new hotness this year, not me!
CLAIRE: Yes, I suppose that's true. I am sort of the "It Girl," aren't I?
MARE: Good luck with your new present, Claire! You've earned it!
CLAIRE: Damn straight I have. It ain't easy bein' the center of the universe with this sweater on. Now keep quiet while I savor my gift-receiving victory pull by tug.
MARE: Of course. The hour is yours.
CLAIRE: ...oh my god.
MARE: Say Claire, look what ya got! It's your very own personal giant-sized enemy! Team Evil, I'd like you to meet a good friend of ours: MEGAMARE Winningham. She brawls.
KNACKS: She mauls!
KUSE: She got balls.
TO BE CONTINUED!