- December 7, 2004 -
 KNACKS: Wow, this place is amazing! MARE: I've been coming here like, forever. Wait till you try their spicy tuna roll. It's out of this world. KUSE: Check out those dudes sitting over there. Think they're a couple?  KUSE: Hey, hey wait a second. This isn't real marble! MARE: Kuse, you gotta learn to enjoy life a little. So what if it's not real marble? It's not like there's a sign outside that says "Come On In -- REAL Marble Inside!" KUSE: Yeah Mare, actually, there is. Hence the complaint. KNACKS: I don't know what these things in front of me are, but I can't reach them!  MARE: Finally, our first course! Have you boys ever had this stuff? It's miso soup. KUSE: I have a request. If either of you get drunk tonight, can you refrain from using the soup as an excuse to make "Miso Horny" jokes? I'm begging you here. KNACKS: Mare, I don't know what to order! MARE: Just order one of the combination specials. Try a little bit of everything. KNACKS: Awwww, I dunno. I've never had sushi before. I don't even know if I like it! MARE: Well, the combination specials are served on wooden boats. Wooden boats, Knacks. KNACKS: Give me three of everything.  KUSE: Here is your order, sir. Six pieces of octopus and two flying squid rolls. KNACKS: Mare YOU SAID THIS PLACE HAD CHICKEN! MARE: That's at the hibachi in the other room. But you can't smoke in there.  KUSE: Good God, I don't know where to start. MARE: Start with the California rolls. Everybody who claims to have eaten sushi so as not to look uncultured in front of their friends does. KUSE: What are you insinuating? MARE: You're a virgin to fish of all kinds. KUSE: Funny, really, that was funny. What are you eating? MARE: California rolls.  KNACKS: Queen Mare, I'm not sure I like sushi. Can we go somewhere else? MARE: Are you kidding? It takes a year to reserve a table at this place. KUSE: A year?! You made the reservations last night! Are you claiming that you made these reservations a year ago, from beyond the grave, somehow cognizant of the fact that you'd need a place to stage a Christmas tree celebration on this very night?! MARE: Dude, I told you yesterday. Death gave me foresight.  KUSE: What's this crap in the jars? MARE: Sake. Tastes like shit but gets you wasted quick. KUSE: Sake, you say?  KNACKS: OHMYGOD OHMYGOOOD I'M SO SUCH A HAMMERED HAMMERHEAD! MARE: Toot toot toot toot...TOOTIE! KUSE: ...guys guys you're not listening my mother never treated me right no really i MEAN it my mother never treated me right... MARE: Okay, let's all sing television theme songs as loud as we can!  PIRATE BOB: Waiter, waiter -- can you do something about those idiots? Thar be ruinin' our eatin' experience, the lousy landlubbers! WAITERBOT: I'll see what I can do. PIRATE JACK: Make 'em walk the plank. WAITERBOT: Okay, pirates, settle down -- I'll handle it. PIRATE BOB: We ain't PIRATES!  MARE: Holy Mary Mother of HEY-ZEUS, I am fucking LOADED. KNACKS: ME too. I lost my helmet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH KUSE: I didn't even notice that you didn't have it on! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH KNACKS: HAHAHHAHAHHAHA MARE: GUYS, look at me, I have something to show you...  MARE: My eyes are sushi! AHHHHHHH! AHAHAHAHAHAH KUSE: Dats da jingle bell, dats da jingle bell, DATS the jingle bell BLAHHHHHHH! KNACKS: Wait wait GUYS look over here!  KNACKS: ROE ROE ROE YOUR BOAT, GENTLY DOWN THE SASHIMI!  KUSE: Mare, Knacks -- TADA! I proudly present MORE SPARKLE JUICE, along with green hot snot! MARE: Just pour it down my DRESS! KNACKS: Just pour it down HER DRESS!  WAITERBOT: Excuse me, pardon me -- I'd like to ask the three of you to please quiet down a bit. We have other customers here and we'd like them to have as pleasant an experience as possible. MARE: Well we have JUST ONE THING to say to that, Mr. Waiter Robot! Okay boys, on the COUNT OF THREE! ONE! TWO!  ALL: YOUR BRAIN IS IN YOUR STOMACH, TRALALALALA! WAITERBOT: Okay, get out. Now.  MARE: My head is swimming in Japanese samurai blood. KNACKS: Mine too. KUSE: Wait a second...we forgot to open today's gift box! MARE: Get it. I can't stand up or I'll fall down and I'll die.  MARE: Hey, it's the waiter brain from dinner! KUSE: What?! How can he be in there! We saw him two hours ago! WAITERBOT: Pardon the intrusion, I mean you no harm. You folks got me fired. I have no place to go. It is your duty to take care of me until Christmas. KNACKS: I'm wearing a different helmet now but I can't remember why.  WAITERBOT: This is the real gift from the box I popped out of. I think it's equipment for your breathtaking fireplace. KNACKS: That present kinda falls flat after the whole waiter brain thing. WAITERBOT: So can I stay with you guys? Just until Christmas? MARE: Sure, why not? What's your name, anyway? WAITERBOT: Einstein. ALL: ...... WAITERBOT: My parents thought it'd be funny. |
