MARE: Jeez, can you believe it's December 8th already? Time flies.
KUSE: You know, I have a theory. Do you think Christians invented advent calendars to compete with the eight days worth of gifts us Jews get on Hanukah?
MARE: Your theory is weak. Real advent calendars have nothing to do with presents. This is just a wacky fluke kinda thing.
MARE: What the heck are these things? What odd gifts!
KNACKS: They look like sticks, my queen. Sticks from Father Christmas.
MARE: No, no, they're definitely not sticks. Too much fine craftsmanship is present for these to be mere sticks. We have not solved the puzzle.
KUSE: Mare, let us hold the sticks for a second...
KUSE: Because you look scary holding them. Now hand them over. Slowly.
KNACKS: Ah, so that's it! It's so obvious now! This is an extended backscratcher, for those really hard to reach itches.
KUSE: And clearly this is a bridge from a standard billiards set. It's what you use to make long shots when you forget your balls at home.
KNACKS: A double entendre?!
KUSE: Yeah, but I didn't realize it till after I said it. I'm so cool.
WAITERBOT: You're all idiots! That's more equipment for the fireplace! Anyone can see that!
MARE: Wow, so it is! Good call, Waiterbot.
WAITERBOT: I can't believe none of you knew that! Have you never gone to college? Have you never read books? Have you never seen a doctor for the apparent blindness you've all suffered? I'm rooming with society's dregs!
KUSE: Hey Waiterbot, you're pretty much immobile, right? Like, you can sort of crawl around like a starfish in super slow motion, but, let's say you were a football. You'd have no say in the matter, right? If we wanted you to be a football, you'd be a football.
WAITERBOT: Perhaps I was a bit rash...
KNACKS: Okay Kuse, go long! Extra ten points if you miss!
KUSE: Dude, this thing has really sharp, painful, pointy edges. I have no intention of missing.
MARE: Now boys, you have it all wrong. You shouldn't be tossing him like a football, you should be tossing him like a water balloon. I hereby offer the sum of one fuck to the person who makes Waiterbot explode.
KUSE: The stakes are raised.
KNACKS: And so is something else -- oh ho ho!
WAITERBOT: Yeah, me! Oh ho ho!
KUSE: Hey, you're not allowed to play our word games.