- December 9, 2004 -

KUSE: Hey Mare, you can't go to bed yet! We still haven't opened today's gift box!

KNACKS: Yes, my queen, listen to Kuse! I saved this box just for you! It's the lucky December 9th box!

MARE: December 9th. December 9th. DECEMBER 9th?!

MARE: Oh my God, how could I have been so stupid? So careless? It's already December 9th! That dreaded box's day is at hand! I should've spent my time preparing and getting armed! I can't let them open that box -- I just can't! They're not ready for the truth. Or worse, the lies. Why didn't I blow up that box on the 3rd like I originally planned? How will I get out of this one? Bribery? Honesty? Violence? Murder?

MARE: Murder?! What am I saying?!

MARE: Guys, guys, I need you to listen to me. I need you both to trust me and not open that box. Just let it remain sealed. We'll incorporate it as part of our holiday decor. There's no real reason to open it, and I'm asking you not to. Please? For me?

KUSE: No way. With this kind of buildup? No fucking way.

MARE: Knacks, surely you wouldn't betray me. You'll abide by my wishes, won't you?

KNACKS: No fucking way.

MARE: What?! YOU dare say that to ME? YOU?! Knacks, my number one?

KUSE: Way to go, Knacks.

KNACKS: Way to go, Knacks.

MARE: Hey wait a second. What's going on here?

KUSE: Nothing.

KNACKS: Nothing.

MARE: You tricked him into one of your sordid little competitive rounds of "repeat everything I say," haven't you?! This isn't fair! What he says doesn't count! It's like you're getting two votes otherwise!

KUSE: Forget it. I said we're opening it and he said we're opening it, that's 2 to 1, you lose.

KNACKS: Forget it. I said we're opening it and he said we're opening it, that's 2 to 1, you lose.

MARE: Kuse, admit it, we're friends. I know you act like you don't like me very much, but I just can't believe that you'd actually want to hurt my feelings. In fact, I refuse to believe it. I know we're closer than that. I know you're better than that.

MARE: And Knacks? Remember that time we confided in each other about our private obsessions with cow feet? You can't possibly want to risk ending our string of late night debates over whether they're prettier in mid-kick or while the cows are sleeping. Come on, we're tighter than a knot.

KNACKS: Okay, Mare. We won't open the box. I can't hurt you like that.

KUSE: Yeah...I guess we can skip this one. But you should flash us or something to make up for it.

MARE: Thank you, boys. Your loyalty and friendship shant go unrewarded and won't soon be forgotten. I will treasure this act of camaraderie until the day I die again.

KNACKS: It's no problem, my queen. The presents have mostly sucked, anyway. Best thing we got was Waiterbot, and he wasn't even a real gift.

WAITERBOT: Excuse me, everyone? Can you please look this way?

WAITERBOT: While you were off talking about cow feet, I took the liberty of opening the box. So, without further adieu, I proudly present...


KUSE: Mare, is there something you want to tell us?

KNACKS: Yeah "Mare," what the hell is going on?

MARE: It's such a long story...