KNACKS: Can you believe Santa Claus called a meeting with us? I can't believe Santa Claus called a meeting with us.
KUSE: Why is this so surprising? We sort of saved his life last year. He obviously wants to give us our Christmas presents early.
KNACKS: Kuse! You're Jewish.
KUSE: Oh I'll be Jewish tomorrow God dammit.
KNACKS: Think Santa will like my new helmet? I bought it special for this meeting.
KUSE: Okay, first off, no you didn't. You bought that months ago and you've worn it several times since. Secondly, you look like a fucking idiot in that thing.
KNACKS: Your sticks and stones cannot penetrate my fine quality helmet.
LATER...
SANTA: It's nice to see you two again. It's been too long.
KNACKS: Great to see you too, Santa! So how did that whole turning-Mare-into-baby-Jesus thing turn out?
SANTA: Not as well as I would've liked. God reversed the decision. I really don't know what happened to Mare afterwards. I assume her bodiless soul wanders aimlessly at this very moment. Her spirit could be floating around our heads right now!
KNACKS: What?! God reversed the decision? How could he do that?
KUSE: Wow. A Dusty Finish from God himself.
SANTA: Guys, I gotta be honest, I didn't bring you here to sit Indian style and play socialite all day. I have jobs for you. Pays 30 an hour. What do you say?
KNACKS: What would we have to do?
SANTA: Well, you'd both have to do different things. Knacks, mind waiting here for a bit while I do my big pitch to Kuse?
KNACKS: Sure thing, Santa. But I'll be lonely!
SANTA: K good.
SANTA: Kuse, do you know what that is?
KUSE: Is it an octopus, Santa?
SANTA: No, an octopus is a cephalopod of the order Octopoda that inhabits many diverse regions of the ocean, especially coral reefs. The term may also refer to only those creatures in the genus Octopus. In the larger sense, there are 289 different octopus species, which is over one-third the total number of cephalopod species. This here is LEGO's Advent Calendar.
KUSE: What happened to the Playmobil one?
SANTA: You don't need to be worrying about that. You need to be worrying about LEGO. You've gotta keep an eye on this thing throughout December. Open each of the gifts and make sure they don't fall into the hands of evil. You know the drill.
KUSE: Santa, you're obviously saddling me with this crapass LEGO deal and giving Knacks control over the Playmobil version! Don't deny it!
SANTA: Look, this LEGO calendar....I don't really get it. I'm not familiar with the franchise, or what damages it can cause. I'm putting you on the job because I need someone I can trust. I need my top gun on this one.
KUSE: That's buttered bullshit, Santa. But whatever, I'll do it.
SANTA: K, so it works just like the Playmobil version. Each day has a special gift. This is the gift for December 1st. I need you to rinse and repeat this process 23 times between now and Christmas. Only downside is that you've gotta put the presents together yourself.
KUSE: Santa, there's a man in there, and he's in several pieces.
SANTA: Give your gift life, Kuse! Have fun...I gotta go talk to Knacks.
SANTA: Knacks, I gotta go talk to you. I mean, I gotta talk to you.
KNACKS: I know. I've been listening. What's with giving Kuse that cool LEGO calendar? Why can't I have that one?
SANTA: "SSS."
KNACKS: "SSS?"
SANTA: "Santa Said So."
SANTA: Well, here it is! The 2005 Playmobil Advent Calendar. Lord knows what heavens and hells might be hidden within it this year!
KNACKS: Why are you tugging around a big cow head in that giant painting?
SANTA: Kids ask for the strangest things around Christmas.
KNACKS: Do you think Mare's in any of these boxes?
SANTA: Maybe a Mare. Hard to tell if your Mare's in there, though. Remember, there are a lot of Mares. Even Claire was a Mare. Maybe we're all Mares!
KNACKS: You get pretty dodgy whenever I bring up Mare.
SANTA: I know. I'm still feeling guilty about that whole turning-Mare-into-baby-Jesus thing not panning out. It seemed like such a flawless plan.
KNACKS: I agree. It wasn't the least bit convoluted.
LATER...
KUSE: Looks like the fat red dude sweet-talked you into this mess too, huh?
KNACKS: Yup! I can't wait to see what's in this box. I bet it's the 2nd season DVD set of Six Feet Under.
KUSE: Is that the season where Arthur got in trouble over the gift basket full of shit?
KNACKS: No.
KUSE: I hate Christmas then.
KNACKS: It's even better than a DVD set! It's a cat! A giant cat! He's meow-ssive!
KUSE: I absolutely hate you for saying that.
KNACKS: This guy's purrr-ty big! So what did you get on your first day of work?
KUSE: Interesting question...
FIREMAN: Gentlemen...I'd like to AXE you a few questions! HO HO!
KUSE: ...I got him.
KNACKS: Our very own fireman! We've always wanted one of those!
KUSE: Yeah, we've always wanted a giant cat and a fireman. Wake me up when December ends.
