KUSE: Look at what I got today. You're not the only one having a shitty Christmas.
KNACKS: Heh, I think that one came straight from the North Pole.
KUSE: Heh, if I had my helmet on right now, I'd take it off and smack you across the face with it, heh, heh heh.
KUSE: Enough with the theatrics, I know it doesn't take that long to figure out what's inside the box.
KNACKS: Okay fine, you're onto me.
KUSE: What are those, gerbils?
KNACKS: Guinea pigs I think. You know what? These guys are cute. I officially consider this gift perfectly acceptable.
KUSE: Why aren't they moving?
KNACKS: I guess they're just tired from the long -- hey wait a second...these aren't guinea pigs, they're just statues! Santa is giving me guinea pig statues! The FUCK?
KUSE: Okay, it's probably time for you to just go talk to him. Santa is obviously pissed at you about something.
KNACKS: You're right. Wanna come with?
KUSE: Heh, if I had my helmet on right now, I'd take it off and smack you across the face with it, heh, heh heh.
MEANWHILE!
WAITERBOT: I know what you're thinking, basket. You're thinking terrible things. You think I'm wasting my opportunities. You think I became Santa Claus for no reason. You think I'm just plodding along aimlessly and not really doing anything that justifies being an evil villain who usurped Santa's identity. You think that, basket, but you are wrong.
WAITERBOT: I don't know why I bother talking to you.
INKY: Sire Waiterbot sir, who are you talking to?
WAITERBOT: I have secrets, Inky. You don't know even half of what I'm all about.
INKY: Okay, where the hell did that come from?
WAITERBOT: I know what you're thinking, Inky...
WAITERBOT: You think I'm in this for lack of something better to do. You think I've climbed mountains only halfway. You think I stop short of what I'm really capable of. I know what you think of me, Inky.
INKY: Sir, I assure you that I haven't even put enough thought into you to come up with stuff like that.
WAITERBOT: You patronize me, Inky. Bring me Mrs. Claus.
INKY: Okay, but she's still a little weirded out by all that junk I did to her yesterday.
WAITERBOT: Frankly Inky, so I am.
MEANWHILE!
FIREMAN: You mean you let Knacks go to Santa's house alone? Couldn't that be dangerous?
KUSE: Would you believe me if I said I had a bad case of the gouts?
FIREMAN: I'd believe pretty much anything you said.
KUSE: I've got a bad case of the gouts.
KUSE: Got anything to add to that, Bob?
BOB: Don't.
LATER!
WAITERBOT: Mrs. Claus, so lovely to see you again!
MRS. CLAUS: What do you want with me? Haven't you done enough?
WAITERBOT: Well, my basket and Inky don't believe that I've done nearly enough, but tonight, that's all gonna change. Tonight is the night I prove everyone wrong and live up to my name and potential for t-shirt merchandising. Mrs. Claus, oh man...you're so goin' down.
MRS. CLAUS: You ugly monster! That's right I called you UGLY.
WAITERBOT: Ugly? Yes, yes that is true. I am ugly. You've probably spent these past few days thinking that I'm only doing these terrible things because I'm ugly. You think that I'm a villain because nobody loves me. BUZZZZ -- wrong answer, Mrs. Claus. I know that it kills you to see your husband's soul trapped under mine, because you love him. I can appreciate that. I too know what it means to love.
WAITERBOT: The love I have is as strong as yours was for Santa. To the one I love, I simply cannot wait until Christmas. I must make Christmas come early for the one I love.
WAITERBOT: I know what you're thinking, Mrs. Claus. You think I'm only picking you because I want my wife to have big bazooka tits.
KNACKS: I'm gonna give that Santa a piece of my mind!
