DECEMBER 14, 2005: KNACKS: I don't know who you guys are or why you felt you had to tie me up, but I assure you that I am no enemy. I just came to see why Santa Claus was giving me guinea pig statues instead of razor scooters. INKY: Damn dude, you're fucked in a bad way. Didn't you hear? Our boss kicked the crap out of Santa and now he's in charge of Christmas. There's like a 99.9% chance that he'll order us to kill and eat you. KNACKS: I demand to talk to your boss! I demand to talk some sense into him! HELLF: Inky, let's let my boss handle this, not your boss. My boss is more creative in her punishments. You like creativity, don't you Inky? MARE: Okay what's all the commotion about? You're driving me nuts with the noise. You know I hate the noise. KNACKS: MARE?! It's you! You're alive!! MARE: Of course I'm alive. I'm only a few days old. KNACKS: NO! You're not just any Mare -- you're my Mare! And I'm your Knacks! I can see it in your eyes! You're MARE! MARE: Inky, you're not allowed to let your crackhead friends over anymore. KNACKS: You've got to untie me! You have to know the truth! Try to remember! Try! MARE: Okay, just untie the little trout so I can get to the bottom of this. HELLF: What?! You don't honestly believe this intruder, do you? MARE: Please. I can't even figure out what he's saying; there's nothing to "believe" or "not believe" yet. I just want to hear him out. HELLF: You're the boss, sire. Even when you're being really stupid, you're still the boss. MARE: ...so you're trying to tell me that I'm not really the 2005 Mare, but rather a reincarnated 2003 Mare who saved Christmas from the 2004 Mare? And that you're the one who brought me back to life last year to begin with? KNACKS: In a nutshell. Mare, you've got to believe it...I know you're the one. You've changed your hair color, but I know it's you. Same dress and everything. MARE: You sound sincere, but I have no recollection of anything before December 6th. If I don't suddenly remember all of these past lives you speak of, I'm really going to have no choice but to cancel your ass. INKY: Sire, we're ordering sushi. You guys want any? MARE: Sushi? You're ordering sushi. Sushi. Hmmmm.... MARE: Hole Eee Shit. MARE: SUSHI! Knacks...Knacks, you did it! You brought me back AGAIN! KNACKS: Oh my God! It's really you? I just pulled that shit out to save my ass. You mean you're really my Mare? MARE: Knacks! I fed you your first raw eel! KNACKS: Mare...it hasn't felt like Christmas without you. I'm so glad you're back. MARE: Oh Knacks...how did this happen? How did Waiterbot get so big and mean? How did he steal the box I was in? KNACKS: Whoa whoa whoa -- back up. Waiterbot? Waiterbot's here?! WAITERBOT: So nice to see you again, Knacks. I've been waiting for this moment for a loooong time. KNACKS: You! We took you in and you sided with Claire and you did horrible things and you smell! And look at what you've done now! You can't do that to Santa Claus! We won't let you! MARE: Let me handle this... MARE: Okay Waiterbot, I know the truth. We've stopped you before, we'll stop you again. The first thing on my wish list is you taking your slimy paw head off of Santa Claus and giving Christmas back to the Catholics. You don't have Claire to help you now...you can't win. KNACKS: Oh man. Waiterbot you got dissed. WAITERBOT: So! You're the same Mare that troubled me last year! Well, you're correct about one thing. Claire is gone. Formidable ally as she may have been, Claire was not a woman I could trust. If I am to slaughter your fucking brains, it's better I do it without her help. KNACKS: Dressing like Santa Claus isn't going to be enough to win this battle, Waiterbot! WAITERBOT: ...you didn't let me finish. WAITERBOT: Behold, old foes! The one! The only! Waiterbetty! WAITERBETTY: I...am as hot as a cat on a tin roof. WAITERBOT: Oooga booga, Waiterbot and his lady friend, comin' atcha! WAITERBETTY: I'm going to turn your feet into chicken because I eat chicken! WAITERBOT: Oooooga booga! Time to settle the score! MARE: OLLYOLLYOXENFREE! (poof!) KNACKS: Mare! You teleported us to the Advent Calendar! How did you do that?! MARE: I just find it convenient to be able to do that. KNACKS: ...and I keep getting crappy presents like this! The fuck am I supposed to do with this junk? MARE: This has been a seriously twisted Christmas. Everything's changing. Everything's all screwed up. But we're back together now, Knacks. We can make things right. KNACKS: But Waiterbot's still got Santa, and now his girlfriend has Mrs. Claus! MARE: Yes, we must once again save Santa, preferably without me having to sacrifice my life this time, but we can't take 'em alone, Knacks. As a duo, they're too powerful even for me. We need backup. KNACKS: I know just who to ask! MEANWHILE! WAITERBETTY: Honey, if we plan to ruin Christmas, we don't have a lot of time. WAITERBOT: I know, I know, stop nagging. We'll fuck shit up old school starting tomorrow night! WAITERBETTY: Why night? WAITERBOT: Because Matt's real job is sucking the fucking kidneys out of him by day. LATER! KUSE: WHY is assembly always so required? I have no idea what I'm trying to build here. KNACKS: Kuse, Kuse get up! We've got to get Waiterbot off Santa and Waiterbetty off Mrs. Claus! There's not a second to waste! KUSE: Stop smoking the cracks, Knacks. MARE: Sup Kuse? Cute new head you got there. KUSE: Hole Eee Shit. TO BE CONTINUED!