Hello, everyone. I'm Holy Cow. This was an interesting day, and for whatever reason, I've been charged with telling y'all about it. Where do I begin? Well, you know what's been going down, don't you? Waiterbot and Waterbetty stole the Bodies of Claus™, and my friends, charmingly heroic folks that they are, decided it was high time to take care of bidness. The outcome was undecided; the only thing for sure was that there would be an outcome. Mooooooooooo.
My friends weren't going to have it easy, no no! Waiterbot sensed their impending arrival, or something like that, and had bolstered his ranks with a few clever additions -- pirates and a weird ghost guy joined Inky, Hellf and the terrifying Waiterbetty in Waiterbot's mighty legion. These forces of awfulness stood for evil and chicanery above all else, forever milking the fiber of our very reality in the hopes for moore moovolence. But the team of badness wasn't out for milk, no sir -- they were out for blood. I don't know what kind of plans they had for the blood, but I mean this in the most literal fashion. They really wanted my friends' blood!
Led by the beautiful Mare Winningham, my friends and heroes cautiously swept toward the stolen castle of Santa Claus, forming not a single battle cry as the they marched in silence, potentially to their doom. Everyone had a weapon of some sort, some more makeshift than others. As they grew closer to the castle, or house as the case may have been, my friends could only hope and pray that Tomorrow would be theirs to meet. Moooooooooooo.
Mooooooooooooo.
The battle was as fierce as it was colorful, as players who had never once seen any prominence during this year's Advent Calendar adventure took center-stage, mostly to provide opportunities for battle-related deaths that wouldn't totally muck up the storyline by killing off a central character. You know how it goes. The villains took the lead in the early goings, centering their evil efforts on the fowl and snowmen. Wasting their limited energy on the easiest targets first proved to be a mistake, as my friends soon gained ground and just moo'd the holy fuck out of all the bad guys.
The evil ghost guy, once a bodily host for Waiterbot himself, was made short work of at the hands of -- get this -- ducks and robot dogs!
Just as Hellf was about to turn Kuse into a lousy song, Mare used her magic to transform him back into Elf! Positively harmless Elf!
Even I got into the action, spearing a pirate with my trusty megahorns and feeding his entrails to the ducks. Modesty aside, I don't mind telling you that I kicked all kinds of cow ass in the battle, and have no idea why this was the only instance of me-kicking-cow-ass photographed.
During the moment of truth, my friends found it surprisingly easy to remove Waiterbot and Waiterbetty from the hapless Santa and Mrs. Claus. Had they known it would be this easy, they might not have dragged this whole thing out for a week.
And now we join my friends live and in person and in progress. I'm a talking fucking cow, damn you.
Mooooooo.
MARE: Guys...we did it! We did it! We saved Christmas!
KUSE: Gimme that head, I wanna squish it.
SANTA: You've done well. All of you. Not only have you saved Mrs. Claus and I, but you've also managed to deliver Santa II safe and sound. I am impressed.
MARE: It was our pleasure, Santa. We just couldn't sit around and let Waiterbot ruin Christmas like that. Especially since it was ultimately so easy to prevent it from happening. But really, you should be especially thankful to Knacks and Kuse -- they're the ones who really made it all happen.
SANTA: Yes well, I think Knacks and Kuse were included in the part where I said "all of you," but if you're fishing to have me thank them twice, it's no problem. Knacks and Kuse: Santa salutes you!
KUSE: Yer welcome. So what did you decide to do to Waiterbot and Waiterbetty? Did you feed them to the Sharkticons?
SANTA: No, no -- then we'd be no better than them! I've got the dirty little imps under safe keeping where they cannot possibly do further damage.
WAITERBOT: Well, at least they let us live.
WAITERBETTY: You call this living?! Fenced off in Santa's living room?! We've been reduced to pet bunnies! You know my feelings on rabbits!
WAITERBOT: Deal with it, grump. We gave it a shot. We had some fun times. It's been a good run.
LATER!
MARE: God, this place is a mess. Bless this mess.
KNACKS: Now that Waiterbot's been thwarted, we can devote our attention to cleaning this place up!
KUSE: Is that how we're gonna spend the rest of December? Pretty soft climax if so.
LEGOTRON: Hey Mare, any ETA on giving us our bodies back?
KNACKS: I got a wagon, possibly a chuck wagon!
MARE: That's not a chuckwagon, Knacks. Chuck wagons have tops.
KUSE: I got a Christmas keg filled with nothing!
MARE: That's not a Christmas keg, Kuse. I don't know what it is, but it's not that.
