KNACKS: This gift sucks. It's a friggin' bedpan. Is December 2nd "Everyone Hates Knacks Day?"
KUSE: I appear to have received some sort of jet backpack and ice beam ray gun. And a fire hydrant.
KNACKS: You got three gifts today?! This is so unfair! Can we trade calendars?
KUSE: Yeah, you probably should wait until you get something better than a urine receptacle before making an offer like that.
KNACKS: Oh God you look so cool I hate you I hate you.
KUSE: I can't remember the last time I felt this pretty.
KNACKS: Oh God you look like a Ghostbuster I want to be youuuu.
KUSE: Stop whining. There are plenty of people far worse off than you, Knacks. At least you have a bedpan to piss in.
KNACKS: A bedpan? Humbug. More like a badpan.
KUSE: You've been beddamned.
KNACKS: You bedpan believe it, buster.
KUSE: On the upside, at least you have a storage bin for all those bottle caps you've been collecting.
KNACKS: This is true. My proficiency in breaking ice comes directly from Snapple bottle cap facts.
KUSE: Now you have a place to put all of your Snapple caps!
KNACKS: Stop trying to make me feel better and give me the beddamed ice ray.
ELF: Knacks! Kuse! Santa summons you!
KNACKS: Oh go to Hell you spoonful of retard.
KUSE: You heard him, Lucky. Scram.
ELF: Santa's going to be really ticked off if you turn down his invitation!
KUSE: Yeah, well Santa's going to be even more ticked off when I tell all the good boys and girls that he makes his slaves wear giant green condoms on their heads.
ELF: You see the four buttons on my shirt? You won't believe what happens when you push them. Come with me and I'll show you! To Santa's house we go!
KNACKS: Santa's house?! Seeing where Santa lives just might make up for the bedpan incident.
KUSE: Our chances of scoring steaming hot cocoa today have increased dramatically.
KNACKS: I thought you didn't like hot cocoa.
KUSE: I don't. I just want to scald this freaky leprechaun in the face.
KNACKS: Wow, Santa's house is HUGE! And really clean! I can't wait to see the insides!
KUSE: Yeah, now I almost feel bad for intentionally stepping in dog shit the whole way here.
KNACKS: Wait, back up. Can I use the word "insides" in that context? Is it correct?
KUSE: When we meet Mrs.Claus in there, I'm thinking that's the first thing you should ask her.
