MARE: ...and I know we literally just finished defeating them in battle, and that they've kind of been jerks to us for a long time, but this is Christmas! Surely we can all find it within our hearts to forgive, cautiously forget and welcome Waiterbot and Waiterbetty into our happy little fold. What do you think?
KUSE: They should at least have to pay rent.
MARE: Kuse, we've been through this. They have no money. They wouldn't even be able to hold it if they did.
KNACKS: Let 'em stay, Mare. You obviously want to, and we obviously trust you.
MARE: Okay Waiterbot, you and your girl can stay, but if we see *any* funny business, you're both out on the street.
WAITERBOT: Mare, you have our word! We really appreciate this. After all, we might not have always gotten along, but you and I go way back. It's gonna be awesome to fight with the same insignia on our uniforms.
MARE: Right. Just try to lay low for a few days. I don't think everyone else is totally sold on this yet. I'm afraid they might step on and squish you both the second I turn my back. Ironically, I need to do just that right now. See you in a bit...
WAITERBETTY: Great, Waiterbot, just great. We were safer at Santa's house.
WAITERBOT: She said "ironically," but she really should've said "incidentally."
MARE: Santa II, I think we should talk.
SANTA II: Sounds good to me. What's your favorite Christmas song?
MARE: That's not really what I meant, but since you asked, it's "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses.
SANTA II: Cool. I like the one about the donkey. Dee dee dee dee, hee haw hee haw.
MARE: Santa II, it's not that I don't like having you here, it's just that I worry about what's--
SANTA II: DE ITALIAN CHRISTMAS DONKEY! Yee hee hee hee, hee haw hee haw...
MARE: SANTA II SHUT THE FUCK UP.
MARE:Look, I know you don't like conflict, but if the original Santa is being a dickwad about giving you your chance, you need to stand up for yourself.
SANTA II: I was kind of hoping one of you guys would.
MARE: There are lines normal people should never cross. The yearly Santas settling up isn't something the rest of us are meant to meddle in.
SANTA II: I'll give you extra presents if you do.
MARE: Well then I guess we both have something to think about.
LATER!
MARE: So Kuse, what's your favorite Christmas song?
KUSE: "Christmas Shoes." Shit's hilarious.
MARE: What did the LEGO gods give you today? What's that, a skateboard?
KUSE: Ugh Mare you suck at smalltalk. YES obviously it's a skateboard.
MARE: I really hope letting Santa II and Waiterbot and Waiterbetty stay with us wasn't a bad idea. I'm just sick of all the drama, you know? It's the same thing every Christmas. Drama drama drama, right down the wire. I'd like to spend just one holiday season worrying about nothing besides filled cocoa cups and the TV reception being good. What's so wrong with that?
KUSE: Mare, it's not that there's anything wrong with wanting a nice, simple, old fashioned Christmas. It's just that inviting your sworn enemies and a flaky Santa clone to spend it with you doesn't seem like the best way to go about it.
MARE: Well, I can't go back on my word now. We've made our decision. You all had a chance to speak up. Let's just try to make it work, okay?
KUSE: I don't really care if it works or not, so long as you make good on your promise to take me to see King Kong right now.
MARE: The tickets are up my dress. Let's roll...
LATER!
WAITERBETTY:Why would Playmobil give anyone a goat for Christmas? Plus, isn't it cruel to keep a live goat in a tiny box for 20 days?
KNACKS: Waiterbetty, this isn't just any goat. It's the official Christmas Goat! Its heart is made of gold and its blood is Christmas green!
SANTA II: Dude, I hate to tell you this, but I heard the other Santa talking -- he gutted this year's Christmas Goat and sold its valuable parts off on the black market. Your goat's a ringer.
KNACKS: Jeez, Santa II...why do you hate the other Santa so much?
SANTA II: "Hate" is a strong word, Knacks. I'm telling you though, the old coot's gone mad. He's not the same Santa you guys grew up on. He's gotten all old and cranky and nuts. And he won't let me screw our wife.
KNACKS: I think you're just jealous because he got to be Santa before you.
SANTA II: You can think whatever you want. I have no reason to lie.
MEANWHILE!
MRS. CLAUS: Santa? Santa honey?
MRS. CLAUS: Santa there's too much work to do between now and Christmas -- you have to get up out of that chair. C'mon Santa, it's time to get up. Santa, Santa the world needs you.
MRS. CLAUS: Santa you've been staring at those corpses for 24 hours straight.
