ELF: ...and I heard what Santa said! What are we going to do? He's gone nuts!
MRS. CLAUS: We're not going to do anything, Elf. This is Santa's house, and a man's home is his castle, which makes Santa king, which means we should never ever disagree with him in fear of royal retribution.
ELF: But Mrs. Claus!
MRS. CLAUS: Elf, us even having this discussion counts for treason in Santa's kingdom. Shhh.
ELF: I can't believe you're letting him do this! I know Santa's had a rough month, but how can he cancel Christmas?! Millions of children are depending on him!
MRS. CLAUS: Yeah? Well, they've still got parents with credit cards and 24 hour Wal-Marts. Look Elf, if you want to say the kind of things you're saying, best you just take it straight to Santa. I'm not going to be anyone's liaison, because "liaison" sounds like "lesion" and I hate those.
MEANWHILE...
MARE: I'm glad we're not fighting anymore, Kuse. It sucked being mad at you.
KUSE: I was never really mad, Mare. King Kong is a pretty stupid thing to fight over, anyway. And I don't mean King Kong is stupid, just that it's a bad thing....well not a bad thing...but....uh...
MARE: I know Kuse, I know.
MARE: It's been such a weird month. Nothing feels right. I still don't even know how I ended up a brunette. Everyone's acting all out of character and...I dunno, it just doesn't feel very Christmassy, I guess.
KUSE: Totally. But you look okay with the brown hair.
MARE: Awww, thanks! I dunno, maybe I'm just overthinking things. I guess it was bound to be a weird Christmas, what with the first thing I saw when I was reborn for the eightieth time being Waiterbot in a skeleton costume shouting "booga booga" and luring me into his evil plans. So glad that's over with.
KUSE: And then you invited him to come live with us. Just reminding you.
MARE: Ah, come on, Waiterbot fits right in. For better or worse, he's part of our family. Our very...odd family.
KUSE: Yeah, it's a good thing we didn't try to do any of those family portrait Christmas cards, because the photographer would go insane trying to get the duck and the goat and Legotron to stay still, and I hear they charge by the hour.
MARE: You didn't go pick up your LEGO gift yet, didya?
KUSE: Nope. Knacks made a run for his this morning...it was way too cold for me.
MARE: Well then let's blow this taco stand.
KUSE: Sounds good to me. Sure beats listening to another one of Santa II's conspiracy theories.
LEGOTRON: That's a lamb, isn't it?
KNACKS: Yep, it's a baby lamb! Think I'll call him George.
LEGOTRON: What's the significance?
KNACKS: He's Georgeous.
KNACKS: I can't promise that I won't eat your legs someday, but I can promise that I'll make the times you have good ones.
LATER!
MARE: Wow, you got a bar today? Neat!
KUSE: Yeah, with glasses and champagne and everything. Want some? I feel like getting hammered.
KUSE: This is some good shit.
MARE: Definitely. I'd like to propose a toast, Kuse. To...friendship.
KUSE: Cheers, lady.
MARE: This is nice, isn't it?
KUSE: Yeah, and I'll kill myself for saying this later, but I'm really glad you came back this year. Knacks really missed you.
MARE: And how about you?
KUSE: Huh?
MARE: You say Knacks missed me. How did you feel?
KUSE: Well, I guess you could say that I didn't mind you...you know, it wasn't like I wasn't happy to see...uh...
KUSE: Okay, I missed you too.
MARE: Thank you, Kuse. You're pretty cute when you talk like a retard.
KUSE: ....
MEANWHILE!
ELF: Santa, I know this probably isn't my place, and I know I shouldn't be saying this, and I know I know I know, but somebody's gotta say it, and if Mrs. Claus won't do it, then I guess it's gotta be me. Santa, you're being a major asshole.
SANTA: Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never get me to not cancel Christmas. Now shut up and let me watch my corpses. My...beautiful corpses.
ELF: If you're so hell-bent on not delivering presents this year, why don't you just give Santa II control of Christmas a few days early? I'm sure he'd gladly do the job, and then you can just kick your feet back and look at your damned stupid corpses all you want.
SANTA: Oh, oh my dear boy, that's just not possible. I have no intentions of giving Santa II control over Christmas...not now, not on Christmas Eve, not ever!
ELF: But Santa! You know the rules! You can't do that!
SANTA: I can do whatever the fuck I want! I'm Santa Claus! Ho Ho Hobble down to the kitchen and get me my fucking vodka you toad.
LATER...
MARE: Thanks for letting me come with. That was fun!
KUSE: It really was. We should go out more often. I mean, we should go outside more often. I didn't mean "go out" like, well, it's not that I wouldn't, but...
MARE: Kuse?
KUSE: Yeah?
MARE: Do you want to have children someday?
KUSE: No.
MARE: Good, because I never want to get fat.
MARE: Thanks again for the lovely day.
KUSE: What will we tell Knacks?
MARE: Give him some of your LEGO gifts. He'll think it's some kind of cool trade.
