KNACKS: I can't believe this. Everyone on my MySpace blog thinks I should take the LEGO Advent Calendar reigns from you. How is that fair?! It's your responsibility...not mine!
TIGERBOY:Tigers..are the champ'yans...mah fre-hends...
KNACKS: It was practically a shutout! Only like three or four people thought you should make good on your promise to Santa. Did you pay these fuckers off or something?
TIGERBOY: You know what they say about guys with paws. They say, "Be careful about guys with paws...they usually know how to grease them good!"
KNACKS: Okay, who says that, exactly?
TIGERBOY: Tigerboy WHOOOOOOOOO!
LATER...
KUSE: ...and that's why we called you all here. According to Waiterbot, there's some serious terror on the prowl, and until we get to the bottom of it, we have to assume that none of us is safe. Or is that "none of us are safe?"
WAITERBOT: I think it's "none of us is," Kuse, but let's not get away from the point. I don't know who these bastards are working for, but they kidnapped my wife and have orally threatened the lot of you. Only together can we protect ourselves and solve the mystery of "the boss!"
KUSE: I'm afraid to say that there are going to be a few changes around here. We need to be more careful, so I'm imposing a curfew on everyone in this room -- nobody leaves the house after dark, and nobody travels alone!
WAITERBOT: That last part was my idea. I figured, everyone loves company.
KUSE: I know this is a lot to digest, but I also know that some of you are relatively knew to this "advent calendar" business. Take it from a pro, you don't want to chance fate. Okay, the floor is open -- does anyone have any questions?
CHEF: Yessa Mister Kuse-a I do. This-a "Waiterbetty?" Do we-a not have to-a rescue her-a? It-a only seems right.
KUSE: Waiterbot and I discussed it, and we're willing to chalk Waiterbetty up as collateral damage if it means keeping our cover, our cool and our lives. Truth is, even Waiterbot didn't like Waiterbetty that much. Any other questions?
MRS. SNOWMAN: Will this change of events have any kind of positive impact on my overall role in this story?
KUSE: Absolutely not and I'll make sure of that. Okay guys, we're not quite finished. There's still the issue of the Playmobil Advent Calendar. Now, Santa Claus fired Waiterbot, so unless we hear otherwise, we have to assume that he found a suitable replacement to run the LEGO calendar. But I'm still doing Playmobil, so my next point--
KNACKS: HEY EVERYBODY, I'm interrupting things!
MARE: Knacks! You're back! So much has happened today! And why is there a tiger with you?!
KNACKS: I'd like you all to meet my good friend, Tigerboy. Say hello, Tigerboy!
TIGERBOY: Hello.
KNACKS: Now say it with a British spin.
TIGERBOY: A'lo, blokes!
KUSE: Knacks, what's this all about? We're defending against terrorists here, and you're out making friends with tiger people?
KNACKS: Not "people," just the one! Besides, I had a very good reason for taking off. See, Santa put this guy in charge of the LEGO Advent Calendar after firing Waiterbot, but Tigerboy doesn't really know how to do the calendars, so after an unpopular vote, it looks like I'm going to go against everything I've said for the past ten days and take care of it myself!
KUSE: That...was the longest sentence...ever.
KNACKS: Tigerboy's agreed to come with me everyday as a compromise, so at least I'll have someone to bitch to.
KUSE: Well, incidentally enough, I just got through telling everyone else that nobody can leave the house alone. See, there's some bad dudes who kidnapped Waiterbetty, apparently as part of some grander plan to royally fuck our shit up. So, be careful out there!
WAITERBOT: Wait wait wait, wait a second. You're telling me that Santa fired me and put a damned furry in charge? What's with all the injustice?
LATER...
MARE: Kuse, why are you doing this? You know I'd be more than happy to go with you to the calendar everyday. I'll be worried sick sitting here!
KUSE: I know you would, Mare, and I love you for it. But we have a kid now. One of us can afford to die, but both of us? Box will grow up an orphan! Or worse -- Legotron or Waiterbot will become his adoptive father! All terrible options! No, you stay here. We're going to do this my way.
MARE: Pfft...okay, but looks like somebody's Napoleon complex just kicked into high gear.
KUSE: Okay everybody, listen up! We have to talk about the Advent Calendars! Knacks and Tigerboy are going to take care of LEGO, but I still need one of you to come with me for my Playmobil duties! This is a big responsibility and a chance for one of you to really shine!
KUSE: ...so I'm going to draw a name out of a hat -- women, children and animals excluded. Whichever one of you I pick must accompany me to the Playmobil Advent Calendar, everyday until Christmas!
CHEF: Wow-a! This is-a annopportunity of a-a lifetime!
KUSE: Well Mare, here it is. On this piece of the paper is the name of someone I'm going to be forced to spend my entire holiday season with. This is such a fucking downer. I don't like any of them!
MARE: It's just a few minutes out of each day. You'll survive.
KUSE: I hope I get Waiterbot. Then at least I won't have to worry about him sniffing through your drawers while I'm out.
KUSE: Ohhhhhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuuuuuuudge.
LATER...
TIGERBOY: ROARIN' LIKE A TIGER!
KNACKS: You know, you could help me with this. These pieces ain't light!
TIGERBOY: Is that today's gift? Who is he?!
KNACKS: James Lipton, host of Inside The Actors Studio.
TIGERBOY: What are those things he's holding, then?
KNACKS: Heat lamps, so he can sweat people into answering the tough questions.
MEANWHILE!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Oh wow oh wow oh wow! I haven't seen one of these things since 2003!
MISTA SNOWMAN: ...and yet it feels like I've never left! This place fits like a glove! A snowglove!
KUSE: Shut up.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Wow, my very own bench! Think if we wished hard enough, a magical bus would stop here to pick us up and take us to Magicland?
