WAITERBOT: You call this a meal?! Where I come from, a chef who cooked this up would be burned at the stake! And then we'd eat that instead!
CHEF: But-a Mister Waiter-a-bot, sir, I-a do this outta the-a kindness of me heart. I've-a asked no-a-one to pay for this-a fine-a feast!
WAITERBOT: And you're not supposed to talk to the customers! People hate that! Legotron, don't you hate that too? We came for dinner, NOT CHAT!
KNACKS: THERE you are! What kind of jerk are you, anyway?
KNACKS: I lent you my laptop and this is the thanks I get? You vandalize my MySpace blog with scatological nonsense? Plus, why are all the keys so sticky?!
WAITERBOT: I apologize for my transgression. It was rude and uncalled for. You have every right to be upset. I hope that someday you'll accept my apology.
KNACKS: Really? You mean that?
WAITERBOT: No. You're an asshole.
KNACKS: Okay, screw you, Waiterbot. It wasn't too long ago that Kuse and I were inventing new kinds of sports just so we'd have an excuse to kick your head around as a ball. Think you're sooo tough...let's see how brazen you are without Santa's body! And stay the hell away from my stuff.
LEGOTRON: Shit dude, you got schooled.
WAITERBOT: Bah, everyone has their off days.
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: Dwuhhh is Mare still mad at you?
KUSE: Yup.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Dwuhhh do you still blame me for that?
KUSE: Nope. Box was my responsibility. I hate you, but it's not your fault he's lost. It's mine. Point is, I hate you.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I guess this would be a bad time to break out my Elvis Presley-inspired magical Christmas rendition of Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley.
KUSE: So help me God I will melt you down and drink you, and when I piss I will piss into a steaming pan so whatever's left of you will evaporate into gases, and then I'll add flammable gases to your gases and set them on fire.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Okay then! "Elvis has left the building," heh.
KUSE: Just stop talking. Everything you say makes me want to kill you a little more.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Are you going to open today's gift box? I bet I know what's in it!
KUSE: No, you do it. I'm just gonna sit here.
MISTA SNOWMAN: But don't you want to know what I think is in it?
KUSE: No.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I bet it's...
CHRISTMAS MAGIC!
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: Look at all of these parts! I don't remember last year's LEGO Calendar being so complicated. Kuse would've never put up with this!
TIGERBOY: I feel more justified being a quitter every time we come here.
KNACKS: Ugh, I don't have time for this! I mean, it's not that I have soooo much to do, but it's Christmas! A season for reflection and slacking and goofing off!
KNACKS: Sometimes I just want to sniff some roses, y'know?
TIGERBOY: Why would LEGO give you a miniature flower shop? Didn't Waiterbot say that all of the stuff that came out the first week had to do with traffic accidents?
KNACKS: Maybe this thing is for the guy who sells flowers to the bereaved after the bereaved's loved ones get crushed by cars.
TIGERBOY: Borderline, but I'll take it.
MEANWHILE...
HOLY SHIT
KUSE: What are you "holy shitting" about this time? What, another pair of chipmunks? Perhaps a shiny new squirrel? Tell me snowman...what AMAZING thing did we get today that warrants yet another of your patented cries of "HOLY SHIT?" Let me guess -- it's a Christmas tree ornament? A magical Christmas Christmas tree ornament?
MISTA SNOWMAN: No, even better!
BOX: Hey, Dad. Sorry if I worried you. I just needed a little time to grow.
HOLY SHIT
MEANWHILE...
MARE: I wonder if I've been too hard on Kuse, Mr. Owl. After all, it's not like he lost Box on purpose. Kuse loves that boy as much as I do. I just wish he would've lied to me about what happened. "My husband was having a brawl with Mista Snowman" isn't exactly something I can share with my girlfriends when we're gabbing and the conversation moves away from me and I need to play the lost son pity card to steer it back into the light.
MARE: Besides, no matter what happens, I'm not ready to leave him. Call me old fashioned, but when I get married to someone, and I get pregnant by that someone, and our child pops out of box a few days later, that's the kind of thing that I think is for keeps. Guess I'll have a talk with him tonight. Better shave my legs.
(crash bang boom)
MARE: What's that? James, is that you out there?
MARE: Who are you?!
EVIL-1: Relax, lady.
EVIL-2: Yeah, we just want to uh...talk to you! Yeah, that's all! Talk!
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: Son, I don't get it! I mean, you popping out of a box instead of Mare's happyhole...barely plausible, but I could swallow it. Now you're telling me that you don't grow with age, but rather through metamorphosis?
BOX: Totally. I'd show you the chrysalis but I had to eat it after I hatched. You know how it goes. Didn't Mom know about this? I figured she'd have known how this works.
BOX: I didn't mean to scare anybody. It's just that, well, metamorphosing is a pretty private thing. It's not like I was gonna jump on the table and scream, "HEY EVERYONE! COME WATCH ME METAMORPHOSE!"
KUSE: It's okay, Box. I'm just surprised is all. I'm really happy that you're okay.
KUSE: ...but I think I know someone who'll be even happier. Let's go home.
BOX: Notice that I got rid of the pink pants? Know how hard it is to will something like that when you're metamorphosing? All for you, Dad.
MEANWHILE...
EVIL-2: So, how much do you think one of these "Mares" is worth nowadays? Ten, twenty thousand?
EVIL-1: Mind out the gutter, Evil-2. If we don't take her straight to the boss, there ain't enough money in the world that could help us.
