KUSE: ...and that's the story. I don't know who the bad guys are, but they've got Mare, they've got Mrs. Snowman and they've got Waiterbetty. Emphasis on "they've got Mare." Mr. Owl knows where their secret hideout is, so we're gonna zip down there to save the women and kick some ass. Which brings me to my next point...
KUSE: We can't do this alone. The bad guys are apparently all much taller and stronger than us, and are likely packing heat in the form of death rays. I've come to ask three of you to come with us. We don't want to blow our cover with like a seventeen hundred soldier strike squad, but with just me, Box, an owl and a snowman...we're going to need some help.
KUSE: I won't lie to you. This is a really dangerous mission. These bad guys are playing for keeps. I'm not telling anyone that they have to come. But, for any three of you that are willing to volunteer your services, I promise I will not make fun of you for a whole six months. Any takers?
KNACKS: Count me in, Kuse. I know we haven't been real close this year, but you'll always be my best friend.
KUSE: I knew you wouldn't let me down. We're like Kevin and Paul from The Wonder Years. Sure, they weren't hanging out all the time by the later seasons, but they were still there for each other like it was Day One. That's just like you and me.
KNACKS: Okay, but you're the Paul.
KUSE: Oh shut up you are obviously the Paul.
WAITERBOT: I guess I'll come too, considering that one of the people we're saving is my wife and all. Though I would like to state for the record that, after weighing the options in my head, going with you guys beat out staying here by only a 2% margin.
WAITERBOT: And Knacks you shithead, you are definitely the Paul.
LEGOTRON: I'm in.
KUSE: Legotron?! Really? I didn't expect you to sign up. You don't have any real special connection with the kidnapees.
LEGOTRON: True, but I'm sick of nobody believing how awesome I am at karate. Here's my chance to shut you fuckers up.
MEANWHILE...
BOSS: I've been waiting for this moment for a long time...
BOSS: Soon, you and your friends' collective life energy will be ripped from your very souls and transferred to my magic wand. What I do with it after that is the big question on everybody's minds.
MARE: Just get it over with, you sicko! If you want to kill us, do it now! I'm not scared!
BOSS: Patience, my dear, patience. Voodoo spells and general magic shenanigans require certain atmospheric conditions. When the clouds form above us, then it is time.
LATER!
KUSE:Positive you remember how to get there, owl?
MR. OWL: Yes, but I'll tell you this -- it's kind of like when you're watching a commercial and they pique your interest with a 1-800 number. As you scramble to find the phone, you just keep repeating the number in your head, hoping it doesn't get lost, but eventually, it does get lost. I've been repeating the directions to Mare's captors' lair in my head for over 24 hours now. I can't keep this up forever, so let's get a move on.
KUSE: You're one wordy bird.
MR. OWL: Hey, when you're a bird who can talk, you fucking talk.
KUSE: Okay everyone! Let's hit the road! It's time to save Mare! And those other two!
KNACKS: Well Tigerboy, I guess this is it. Wish me luck.
TIGERBOY: Be careful Knacks. It's a jungle out there.
KNACKS: Can you watch over the LEGO Calendar while I'm gone?
TIGERBOY: Yes, but I have to bring up how sucky that is considering how much trouble I went through to get out of doing it in the first place.
CHEF: Gooda luck, friend-a Lego-a-tron!
LEGOTRON: Thanks, Chef. PS you're a wuss for not volunteering.
CHEF: This-a may be-a true, but before-a you go, I have-a something for-a you. Perhaps-a it will-a-bring you-a-bit of luck-a.
LEGOTRON: I take it back. You're not a wuss.
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBETTY: These ropes are cutting off my circulation!
MARE: Hang in there! Kuse will be here soon! He'll save us!
BOSS: Kuse? Save you? Winningham, it's time to face facts. Even if Kuse knew where you were, would it really do you any good?
BOSS: ...or would he just end up sharing your fate?
LATER!
DOCTOR: I can't believe Kuse put us in charge of the Playmobil Advent Calendar while he's gone.
JAMES LIPTON: He didn't have much choice! Mista Snowman went with too, remember?
DOCTOR: Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. These boxes fascinate me.
DOCTOR: We got birds. Check it out -- if you arrange them from blue to red, they symbolize an incremental increase in temperature!
JAMES LIPTON: Yes, but if you arrange them from red to blue, then they symbolize the timeline of the public's acceptance of M&M's colors.
JAMES LIPTON: I've done more remarkablous things with the birds than you!
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: It just isn't the same doing this without Knacks. Or at least, it takes a lot longer.
TIGERBOY: I really hope he'll be okay. Heck, I really hope all of them will be okay -- even the ones I've only spoken like three or four words to, and even the ones I don't particularly like. Nobody should be in pain during the holidays.
TIGERBOY: Maybe there's a way I can help...
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: You're sure this is it? This place looks like the set from Tron.
MR. OWL: Well, actually, it doesn't, because most of what you saw in Tron was created in post-production. The "sets" were more likely green screens. Then again, this place does sort of look like a giant green screen, so perhaps you hoo hoo are right after all.
KUSE: You said they're right around the next corner, right? We can't afford to be wrong about this. We only have one chance to surprise them.
MR. OWL: Yes yes, next corner, yes yes stop badgering me.
