KNACKS: I can't believe it! Hacked on the first day!
KNACKS: Just my luck. I join MySpace, I make over 200 new friends, and WHAMMO! I wake up from a TINY nap to find that my account had been hacked! Treason! It's taking FOREVER to get this all fixed! They even deleted my cheeky "About Me" section! THAT CAN NEVER BE DUPLICATED! Who could've done this?!
KNACKS: Hrm. This guy thinks it was Waiterbot. That's an interesting theory. Waiterbot's one of my friends, but now that I think about it, he did do a lot of awful shit last year. And the year before. We've never really seen eye to eye, either -- even when we were both on the same team!
KNACKS: I don't know who this motherfucker on MySpace is, but he's right. It had to be Waiterbot. I'll kill him!
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: God damn it. If I'd thought about all the walking we'd have to do to drag the gifts home everyday, I never would've signed up for this.
MARE: It's not so bad. Fresh air, holiday breezes...plus we get to see how all the neighbors decorated!
KUSE: Yeah, if I see one more deer made out of white wire and Christmas lights, I swear I'll fucking puke.
KUSE: I just don't get it. What's the point in spending all that money on a wire/light deer decoration when, by now, everyone damn well knows they won't be the first on their block with one. Doesn't anybody care about originality? Being one of a kind?
KUSE: Mare, know how they say "one of a kind" on eBay? "OOAK." Seriously. They put "OOAK" in the title. Mare??
MARE: Kuse, c'mere. Take a look at this...
KUSE: This isn't a good sign, is it?
MARE: Depends on the kind of Mare we get.
KUSE: Hopefully the kind of Mare who won't object to lesbian incest because BABY we are SO having a threesome.
MARE: I don't know, Kuse. I know I'm love and sweetness, but remember the rules. Mares are born evil. This is gonna be trouble -- grab today's gift and let's get the hell out of here.
LATER...
KNACKS: Christ, Waiterbot lives in a shithole! Who paints their facades purple anymore?
KNACKS: YOU! I know you did it! You hacked into my MySpace account and deleted my Douglas-fir tiled nonscrolling background!
WAITERBOT: What?! How dare you march into my castle and make such ridiculous claims! I don't even know what your "MySpace" is!
KNACKS: Then how did you know you were supposed to capitalize the "S" in "space?"
WAITERBOT: What are you talking about?! You can't tell that from hearing me talk!
KNACKS: Let's not gloss over the point here, Waiterbot. I stayed up all night comparing user reviews of different profile editors so I could get mine just right. I labored over my personal greeting, spent a week deciding on the embedded music track and, worst of all, NOW all of my new online friends are going to think I'll infect them with viri! Anytime you can use the word "viri" in a sentence when it really deserves to be there, you know the shit's on! How could you do this to me? I thought we were giving kudos to the same God at night.
WAITERBOT: Listen, you twit. Even if I knew what you were talking about, I still didn't do anything. Fact is, I haven't had time to do anything. See, the phone rang yesterday and...well, just follow me. I'll show you.
LATER...
WAITERBOT: ...and stop making fun of my house! Not everyone can afford the good life, you silver-spooned sack of strawberries.
KNACKS: Strawberries?
WAITERBOT: It was alliteration, you fool. A-L-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-O-N.
MEAWHILE...
LEGOTRON: So, have you given my offer any thought? It's not that hard to do the surgery. You guys can make your heads, get with my heads, and they could be heads -- shit, we could do this every weekend.
CHEF: No-a way, Jose. I canna chance-a being seperablated from-a my-a hat.
MARE: Legotron! Stop trying to make Chef and that other guy join heads with you!
KUSE: Will you idiots get over here and help me? This thing weighs like three hundred pounds.
KUSE: Hmmm. It's a...well, it's a black crow.
CHEF: Black-a crows are-a bad eh omen, yes?
MARE: More than you know, Chef.
MARE: ...more than you know.
LATER!
WAITERBOT: See Knacks? How could I have done whatever it is that you're trying to tell me I've done? I've been too busy watching over this thing!
WAITERBOT: ...Santa told me I had to be really careful!
KNACKS: Santa gave you the LEGO Calendar?!
WAITERBOT: Yeah, he called yesterday. Told me all about you being one jaded juggernaut of a jerky jackass. More alliteration, Knacks.
KNACKS: Well, I guess this does prove that you didn't hack my MySpace account. I know how time-consuming this Advent Calendar shit is. Sorry. So, it's been two days...what did you get so far?
WAITERBOT:That. Yesterday I got a guy with a shovel -- and by the way THANK YOU for never telling me how sick and TWISTED it is to put those guys together -- and today I got, I dunno, car accident decorations or something.
KNACKS: Not bad for the first two days, really.
WAITERBOT: You can have it back, you know. I don't care if you want to run LEGO. Personally, I hate all the walking involved.
KNACKS: That's a generous offer, Waiterbot, but...I dunno. It's just not really what I'm looking for right now.
