MARE: I know that Kuse needs me right now, but I'm too depressed. I'm a Mare, dammit. I'm supposed to be a world-shaper. A real go-getter. But I can't help noticing that ever since I went good, all I do is get victimized. Lady in distress. "Save the damsel, save the damsel!" Here I am, married, popping out kids, getting kidnapped...it just seems way too loserish and pedestrian compared to whatever it is the scriptures said I was supposed to be doing.
MARE: Maybe I'm not really even a Mare. Maybe I'm just some normal, everyday chick. Maybe I'm a Mary. Or a Michelle.
MEANWHILE...
BOX: Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into, Waiterbot.
WAITERBOT: If you assholes wanted the door locked, you should have fucking said something!
MARE II: What's next, Claire?
CLAIRE: Now...we wait. As much fun as it would be to annihilate these morons now...they're not the ones I'm looking for.
MARE II: You sure you don't want to just ditch this shit and head to Mexico? We'll have so much fun!
CLAIRE: We're not going to Mexico. Come, show me whatever you've salvaged from this pit of despair. Maybe we can use some of their belongings for weaponry.
MARE II: Doubtful, Claire. It's just a bunch of household items. Coffee pot, chipmunk...shit like that.
CLAIRE: I should've known. Anything they'd own would have to be useless. Burn it. I'm going to meditate.
MARE II: And you're sure about Mexico, right?
CLAIRE: Don't piss me off, Mare II. I'm letting you run with me because I appreciate that you freed me from my icy prison, but don't think I've forgotten that I'm supposed to destroy all Mares -- not just the ones that fucked me up.
MARE II: Grump. Okay, so, what do we really have here? There's gotta be something worth keeping in this pile.
MARE II: Hmmm. This thing's way too heavy to be a book. I was born to investigate.
MARE II:"Christmas is a time for friends. For smiles. For handshakes and for Niles, which is to say, Crane, as in, a Christmas-themed Frasier rerun. Christmas is a time for thought, and for care, and for happiness, everywhere. Christmas is a time that people see other people the way those other people ought to be seen. Christmas is a time for merriment, whatever that means." What the hell?
MARE II: Who wrote this?! It's adorable! Stupid as fuck...but adorable!
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: Do you think everyone will be mad that we're keeping the lanterns for ourselves and not making them available in a special magical Christmas raffle? I'm almost afraid to go home!
KUSE: Then you're in luck. We're not going home.
KUSE: We're going to see Santa!
LATER!
KNACKS: Okay Alpha Omega...before I introduce you to everyone, there's a few things you should know. One, it's been a pretty shitty year, so not everybody's in the greatest of moods. Two, the brainy guy in the red suit might look a little scary, but he's good people. Three, don't make any bets with Legotron. Not if you want to keep that pretty head of yours.
WILLIAM: Got it. Now who's the chick with the lightning bolts coming out of her hands?
KNACKS: Huh?
KNACKS: OH FUCK ME.
CLAIRE: Nice to see you again, Knacks. Please, join us.
LATER!
SANTA: What?! Claire's back?! I told you guys to keep her on ice! I mean, in ice!
KUSE: I know, Santa, but it wasn't our fault! It was your stupid Advent Calendar! It popped out another evil Mare and now they've joined forces!
SANTA: UGH. Okay, so you told me that she burned down your house...is anyone hurt?
KUSE: They killed a couple of the newer LEGO guys, but I think everyone else is okay. Thing is, Mare -- my Mare -- took off, and I'm just really worried that something bad's happened to her. You've gotta protect us, Santa. I don't know where else to turn.
SANTA: Fine, but I don't think even I can handle two bad Mares on my own. We're going to need some help. What's the date?
KUSE: It's the 22nd.
SANTA: Thank God. Let's get to the Advent Calendar. My red-suited successor should be popping out of his box in just a few hours!
