KUSE: This box is waaaay too small to be the new Mare, right?
MARE: Definitely. We're all identical and I know I'd never fit in there.
KUSE: Well can't we just go to the Advent Calendar with an ax and chop away at any of the boxes that you could conceivably fit inside?
MARE: Kuse! That's against the rules, and plus, what if we kill a poor innocent dog or something? You never know what's going to come out of these boxes.
KUSE: I know, I know...I just don't feel like dealing with an evil Mare this year. It's old hat.
MARE: Nice ass. What's inside the box?
KUSE: OH MY GOD IT'S THE NEW MARE WINNINGHAM OH MY GOD RUN -- jussst kidding!
MARE: Nice, ass. What's really inside the box?
KUSE: Okay, remember that scene in the second Harry Potter flick where the titular character sends his errand owl to go shit on Dumbledore's head?
KUSE: ...we got our own errand owl.
MARE: Is that what they're really called? "Errand owls?" Oh well, whatever, he's really cute!
KUSE: What? Bitch we're married. Only I'm allowed to be cute. Take it back.
MARE: You don't always have to act so jealous, Kuse.
KUSE: Jealous of what? Of this fucker? Let me tell you something -- that shit about owls being smart? It's crap! Totally false! They're no smarter than many other birds, and in fact, there's a lot of birds smarter than them! It's just an old bat's tale because people are dumb and associate large eyes with intelligence! NOW TAKE IT BACK!
KNACKS: Will you kumquats shut up? Which one of you stole my Ding Dongs?
KUSE: Look what we have here. It lives.
MARE: Knacks, you've finally come upstairs! Are you out of your funk now finally?
KNACKS: Uh, NO, I'm not out of my "funk." Like I said, one of you stole my Hostess Ding Dongs that I paid for WITH MY OWN MONEY, and I'd like them back. Now.
KUSE: Ugh you're still being a prissy brat nutleg. There's no Ding Dongs up here. They're probably buried under your forced tears and all the blood from your many self-inflicted yet totally superficial cuts.
KNACKS: I don't have time for this! One of you assholes took my Ding Dongs and I'm prepared to raise hell if I don't get them back! On the count of three, I am going to scream like a six-year-old girl being bit by a snake until there's a box of Ding Dongs in my hands. Onnnnnne. Twwwwwwoooo...
SURFER: Oh you big baby it was me I admit it, it was me. They're behind the tree. I wanted them for dessert.
KNACKS: Okay, okay okay okay, this is SERIOUSLY fucked up! How DARE you take something that doesn't belong to you! If you wanted a Ding Dong, you could've just fucking ASKED me! MESSED UP.
KNACKS: I don't know what's wrong with you people. You've been living inside this BOX for too long. You see things --THIS-- way and never --THAT-- way. You think it's PERFECTLY OKAY to take someone's snack cakes and not tell them. I'm going back downstairs now. Don't step foot in my room unless I either yell for you or am otherwise so incapacitated from tarantula bites that you've no choice but to make a judgment call.
KUSE: Yeah, great to see you too, Knacks.
KNACKS: Well, would you look at that? Kuse manages to throw out an entire sentence without cursing! Call the papers! Hey Kuse, I figured out why you curse so much. You need to bring a little "color" into your life because God knows that pale gray head of yours ain't gonna.
KUSE: The fuck did he just say to me? Hold me back, Mare.
MARE: Calm down. He's just trying to get a rise out of you. Besides, you know I love your head. It reminds me of the fictional gray gorilla enemies from Congo.
LATER!
KNACKS: Great, first those idiots take my cakes, and now I haven't gotten any friend requests in over an hour! December 3rd is royally pissing me off.
KNACKS: I need to get some air.
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: Look at this crud, Waiterbetty! Why do the LEGO gods charge me with so much traffic accident equipment?
WAITERBETTY: Santa never told you this was going to be any fun. Why do you think he keeps passing off the Advent Calendars? Just be glad he pays you.
WAITERBOT: Oh ten bucks an hour big whoop.
WAITERBOT: If this keeps up, I'm telling you, I'll revert to type and go all villain on his ass. I'm Waiterbot, not an ambulatory warehouse.
WAITERBETTY: You can't do that. Face it, our stock has plummeted. We're never going to be the "big villains" again.
WAITERBOT: Time will tell the tale of the tape on that, my dear.
WAITERBOT: Catch all the alliteration there?
WAITERBOT: A-L-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-I-O-N.
LATER!
KNACKS: ...maybe I was too hard on them. After all, they were just Ding Dongs. It's not like I couldn't share. I just get sooo steeaaaammed when people go through my stuff without asking first. I need to put a lock on my door. A big padlock. Then I'll put a "Beware of Dog" sign on it. Nah, scratch that...then they'll think I'm trying to be funny, and then they'll think I'm feeling better, when I'm NOT.
(crackle crackle crackle)
(crackle crackle crackle)
KNACKS: What's that? I hear something! It sounds like cereal!
KNACKS: Who the heck are you?!
TIGERBOY: Oh just some douchebag in a tiger costume. Wanna chat?
