KUSE: What's the matter? I'm just gonna go grab today's gift, haul it back, make a snide remark about it and hit the sack.
MARE: Wait, before you go...there's something I need to talk to you about.
MARE: Look, I'm sorry I didn't bring this up earlier, but it's already been such a crazy month. Santa put you in charge of the Advent Calendar, Knacks is all moody and I can't stop Legotron from pitching his "head merge" campaign to Chef and Surfer. I just haven't had the time to tell you.
KUSE: Your mother?! I didn't even know you had a mother! I thought all of your Mares just sprung into life from utter nothingness! You're kidding...your mother?! She's coming here?! What if she doesn't like me?! What if she tells you that you can do better?! AHHHHHHHHHH
MARE: Kuse, don't be silly! She'll love you, just like I do!
KUSE: You mean she'll want to throw me down and ride me like a beast of burden? Mare that's sick!
MARE: You know what I mean! There's nothing to worry about! My mother is as sweet as punch!
MARE: Look Kuse, it'll be okay. Why don't you just go for a walk, grab today's gift, and when you come back, we can talk about where she can sleep.
KUSE: But Mare, what if she hates me?! I know how daughters are! They listen to everything their mothers say! I don't want you to leave me!
MARE: KUSE I'M NOT LEAVING YOU, just get some air and we can talk about it when you get back.
LATER...
KUSE: I can't believe this. Mare's mother. My mother-in-law. Coming here. Ugh ugh ugh this is so not good. I know she won't like me, and hell even if she does, this is going to seriously cut into my nookie time.
WAITERBOT: Nice to see you again, Kuse.
KUSE: Waiterbot?! What are you doing here? These pathways lead to the Advent Calendars!
WAITERBOT: I know, Kuse. Didn't you hear? Santa put me in charge of the LEGO calendar this year. I figured Knacks would've been griping to you about it by now.
KUSE: Knacks and I aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment.
WAITERBOT: ...I still can't believe you and Mare got married. Did she convert to Judaism?
KUSE: No. She said she couldn't have very well come from a Christmas Advent Calendar and rightfully be a Jew, and my family understood.
WAITERBOT: Interesting. Well Kuse, it's been good to see you. Good luck with Mare, with Knacks, with Mare's mother and with the Playmobil Advent Calendar. I've gotta grab my gift and get home before the game comes on.
KUSE: How have your gifts been?
WAITERBOT: Shitty. And not like a fox.
MEANWHILE!
KNACKS: ...and that's when I told them to fuck off and stay away from my stuff.
TIGERBOY: Knacks, I totally get that you want your personal space. We all do. But you shouldn't crap on your friends like that. They're all you've got.
TIGERBOY: Just look at my situation. Trust me, you don't end up as a nomad wearing a tiger costume foraging for dead possums to eat by keeping your friends. I've made a lot of mistakes in my day, and now it's too late for me to ever go back home. Don't let the same happen to you. Being a tiger isn't as glamorous as it looks.
KNACKS: I know what you're saying. I don't know. I'll think about it.
TIGERBOY: Okay, but don't wait too long. Don't make them give up on you.
KNACKS: Thanks. Guess I'll go home now. It was really nice to meet you, though. What did you say your name was again?
TIGERBOY: <-----
KNACKS: You're a smart guy, Tigerboy. Before I go...just one question.
WAITERBOT: Well, what do we have here? This one doesn't look so bad. Nobody dies today!
WAITERBOT: So, what are you, some kinda...air traffic control type guy?
STEVE: Yes, something like that, only a little more rebellious because I wear my hat backwards.
WAITERBOT: I know what it's like to be a rebel. You're talking to the guy who once employed a giant cat to eat Jesus Christ himself. I was such a rebel that my opus got retconned!
LATER...
KUSE: Jeez this box weighs a ton. What's in this thing, cattle? I need a break.
KUSE: I don't know about you, boxy, but I'm not happy about this "mother-in-law" sitch. Who needs some complaining old broad ruining their fun?
KUSE: I bet Mare got her looks from her father. Her mother probably looks like an ox, heh. A big screaming "get me this get me that" ox.
MOTHER: An ox, huh?! You think I look like an ox, do you?!
KUSE: Mother Winningham! I was just kidding! I mean, I knew you were in there...I was just playing! It's so great to meet you, I couldn't wait to!
MOTHER: So this is what the fruit of my loins is throwing her life away for?! Take me to my daughter's house RIGHT NOW!
KUSE: But Mother Winningham! We should get to know each other! Let's go to the diner down by the shore and wonder why it's not owned by Dinah Shore because God damn how awesome would that be?
