LEGOTRON: I love how everyone elects me to string up the lights just because I'm tallest. My arms are just where their arms are. Having an extra seven feet's worth of heads doesn't help me any.
SURFER: Careful, Legotron. One goes out, they all go out.
LEGOTRON: Am I done yet? I think that's about as festive as a dead tree is going to look.
CHEF: But-a I doughnut understand-a. Why we-a do this?
SURFER: Kuse is doing Mare a solid and decorating the place for Christmas. He thinks it'll make her mother happy.
CHEF: I see-a. And these-a lights...these-a lights do-a celebrate the Christmas-a?
SURFER: Will you stop talking just to talk? I know they have Christmas in Italy. I've heard the donkey song.
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: So uh, I guess those are the gifts from yesterday?
KNACKS: Yehup. A bird and a basket. By the way, the bird doesn't fit in the basket. I tried like ten thousand times.
KUSE: So uh, we cool?
KNACKS: We're cool. Sorry about all the fuss. I think I just needed to have my own life aside from you guys. I have that now. I'm closing in on 500 friends!
KUSE: Good to have you back. Lord knows I could use an ally around here these days.
KUSE: I guess you musta met Mare's mom by now. Beast, right?
KNACKS: Tell me about it. I ran up to her screaming "HI MEGAMARE" and she corrected me by pie-facing my dick with her shoe. What are you going to do?
KUSE: Well, I kinda promised Mare I'd try to make it work. But, between you and me, the contingency plan is poison-in-the-turkey. I'm not worried about anyone else eating it, because, hell, you've seen her. Girl could probably down a live horse in about as much time as it took for me to say that. What an ox!
KNACKS: Uh, Kuse?
KUSE: She's standing right behind me...isn't she.
KNACKS: Yehup.
KUSE: Yehelp.
MARE:Just hear those sleighs ring-a-lin' blah blah ding-a-lin' oooooooh...
KUSE:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
MOTHER: You call this a man?! Little girl I demand that you divorce this simp right now! You're staining the family name! Pretty soon the schoolyard boys are going to spray-paint "The Losinghams" on our mailboxes.
MARE: Okay Ma that's ENOUGH. LOOK, there's a reason I invited you to come stay with us. There's something I have to tell you. Something I have to tell both of you.
MARE: I'm drinking coffee for two. I am 100% pregnant.
KUSE: this is all a bad dream this is all a bad dream this is all a post-concussion syndrome-related very bad dream
MARE: Kuse, I don't know how it happened. Okay, I do know how it happened, but I don't get it. We were so careful. You were always so quick. But it's true. I took every pregnancy test out there. I've gone to doctors. It's confirmed. Signed, sealed, delivered. We're going to have a baby. I hope you're not too disappointed.
KUSE: Disappointed? Baby I'm not disappointed! I'm happy! I'm really, really happy! I swear to God I'm not just saying this because it's the right thing to do! Look, look I'll prove how happy I am: O JOY COME EEE FAITHFUL, JOYOUS AND TRY PUPPETS...HIS HE HAD SOMETHING, SOMETHING COME TO BEDROCK, WITH FRRRREDDDD...
MARE: You're the best, Kuse. You're going to make a great father.
KUSE: this is all a bad dream this is all a bad dream this is all a post-concussion syndrome-related very bad dream
MOTHER: Just so we're on the same page...everyone here's pro-choice, right?
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: The nerve of that villain! Telling me to join his gang! Telling me to backstab my friends for lack of anything better to do! It's been a whole day since and I'm still just as steamed! Yarrr!
WAITERBOT: And yet, stupid dickhead me can't stop from sitting here considering his offer, not because I want to hurt my friends, but because I can't stand that there's going to be this cool team of bad guys who think I'm a big pussy for not joining their ranks. I'm not a pussy! I'm Waiterbot! I've fought for the sake of fighting!
WAITERBOT: Hrm.
WAITERBOT: Hrm.
WAITERBOT: I have no fucking idea how to put this together.
LATER!
KUSE: I can't believe it, Mare. I can't believe you're pregnant. I can't believe we're going to have a baby.
MARE: What should we name it?
KUSE: Well, if it's a girl, we should name it after my grandmother. It's a family tradition and they'll be really pissed if we don't.
MARE: What was her name?
KUSE: Twilight Anus.
MARE: Hah, check out what we got! This'll come in handy!
