MARE: I can't believe you made me breakfast! I should get pregnant more often.
KUSE: You're welcome. Sorry we only had one strip of bacon, but at least it's a twenty foot long strip of bacon.
KUSE: Speak of the devil...
MARE: Good morning, Mom! Are you in a better mood today?
MOTHER: Actually, I'm just here to reiterate my original point: Abort mission! Abort mission! Mare, it's a new age...you don't have to go through with this. Have you thought of the child? The poor child? Look at the genetics this guy's providing! Your child will grow up to be fifteen inches tall! What will people think?!
MARE: I can't deal with this stress! For the last time...I'm not getting an abortion!
KUSE: Lady you need to back off. You're talking about my kid, and a man's kid is his castle. Wait...
MARE: The point is, Mom...Kuse and I love each other, Kuse and I are married, and Kuse and I are having this baby whether you like it or not!
MOTHER: You know what, Mare? You do what you want. I can't stop you. It's your mistake to make. And Kuse, dollface? Be careful what you wish for. They don't teach how to raise a Winningham in school.
KUSE: What did she mean by that?
MARE: She's just being moody. Kuse...I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to hurl up whatever I just mistakenly took for pancakes and ate.
KUSE: What's the matter, baby? Do we need to go to the doctor?
MARE: No...no...not the doctor. Kuse...take me to the Advent Calendar.
KUSE: The Advent Calendar?! Why?!
MARE: It's the only place us Mares can give birth!
LATER...
MARE: Faster, Kuse...faster faster faster!
KUSE: I'm trying, Mare! I'm trying! These stupid pathways are like a maze!
MARE: Can't...hold out...much longer...
KUSE: MARE stop it stop pushing! I'm going as fast as I can!
WAITERBOT: Kuse! Mare! Heading to your Advent Calendar? Same here. Nice day, huh?
KUSE:Can't talk now Mare's in labor see you some other time okay bye see ya bye now...
WAITERBOT: Hooooooooookay then.
WAITERBOT: Of all the times not to have had my camera...
LATER...
WAITERBOT: I don't think I'll ever get used to this. Building my own men! It's absurd! It's delightful and absurd!
WAITERBOT: Ugh, not you again. What do you want this time?
BAD GUY: Well, it's been a while...just wanted to see if you've changed your mind. My boss is really ticked that you haven't pledged allegiance to his flag and shit yet. Did you give his proposal any thought?
WAITERBOT: As a matter of fact, I have. I'm Waiterbot. Do you not realize the magnitude of those words? Technically, me just being in this body qualifies me as a Santa Claus killer. And if I kill again, it will be because I want to, not because some hood tries to muscle me into it.
BAD GUY: My boss was afraid you'd say that.
BAD GUY: Better hurry on home, kiddo. Maybe you're not too late.
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: What oh what am I going to write about on my blog? Nothing interesting ever happens around here!
KNACKS: God what the fuck am I gonna write about?!
LATER!
DOCTOR: Is this your "palace," Master Waiterbot? You said it was lined with diamonds!
WAITERBOT: What...what's happened here? This place is a wreck! Wait a second...someone broke into my house!
WAITERBOT: What's this box?! I don't remember owning a giant gift box! At least not one with a big bell on it! I hate bells! Somebody left this here! Somebody TOYS with Waiterbot!
WAITERBOT: Oh my God.
WAITERBOT: They took Waiterbetty! That shithead with the stubble kidnapped my wife!
WAITERBOT: WAITERBETTY! WHERE ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER SCREAM "WAITERBETTY" AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS?!!
LATER!
KUSE: A false alarm?!
KUSE: Mare, I pushed your heavy ass all the way here from home! How could you tell me this was a "false alarm?" Cry wolf too many times, and you'll be shitting babies on our living room when the time comes.
MARE: I'm sorry, honey. I knew it seemed weird that I was going into labor after being pregnant for a grand total of 17 hours. But, we're here, right? You might as well go grab today's gift.
KUSE: One of these days, woman...one of these days...
MARE: Don't worry, Kuse. I won't be having any other false alarms.
KUSE: Oh. My. God.
KUSE: Oooohh....you're good.
MARE: Hah! Kuse, I'm a Mare! You didn't really think it happened the traditional way, did you?
MARE: It's a boy!
KUSE: In pink pants. Remind me to play football with him a lot.
