TIGERBOY: What do you mean you can't?! We've got a job to do, Knacks!
KNACKS: Ugh, sorry Tigerboy...I am WAY too depressed to worry about the LEGO Advent Calendar. All I want to do is sit on this couch, stare and the wall, and maybe try to figure out why there's birds all over the house.
TIGERBOY: But Knacks, Santa is counting on us! And poor Legotron and Box have been covering for us for days now!
KNACKS: I don't know if there are any words capable of motivating me to get off this couch, but I'll tell you this: The ones you're saying aren't them.
TIGERBOY: Jesus, Knacks!
KNACKS: Tigerboy, please! I went all the way to fucking Tahiti just to get confirmation that the love of my life didn't even respect me enough to tell me she didn't want me. Then I get home and find out that I've gotta stare at her goddamned twin everyday for the rest of my life! I AM NOT GOING TO THE STUPID, FUCKING LEGO CALENDAR. REPEAT: NOT GOING.
TIGERBOY: Well, I tried. Looks like you guys are back on the job.
BOX: Sweet!
TIGERBOY: You mean you like doing the LEGO Calendar?!
LEGOTRON: Are you kidding? By the time December's through, we'll be background characters no more!
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: Down one.
WAITERBOT: Up two.
WAITERBOT: Down three.
WAITERBOT: Up four.
WAITERBOT: Calisthenics, my dear! It's how I stay in shape! And I'm sure you didn't mind the view.
CHER: I wasn't looking at your ass, Waiterbot.
WAITERBOT: Ah! But you were! I can see it in your eyes!
WAITERBOT: Hold on...what's that? What's that noise? Do you hear it?
CHER: I don't hear anything.
WAITERBOT: It's a funny, squeaky sound! Those pestilent squirrels must've gotten into my garden again!
WAITERBOT: Squirrels, you won't get away with this! I will poison that garden before I see you escape with the fruits of my labor!
WAITERBOT: Hey wait a second...those aren't squirrels...
JACOB: Fair Mare, I can't help but consider it some form of fate to find someone with whom I share so much in common!
MARE: Aww, you're just saying that so I don't feel bad that I'm the only person on the planet who can't pronounce "okra" correctly.
JACOB: Come on now, try it one more time.
MARE: "Orkara."
JACOB: That's so cute, Mare! It's adorable!
WAITERBOT: Well those two seem to be getting awfully chummy. I wonder if Kuse knows about this.
WAITERBOT: I've always had a quiet respect for Kuse. His woe-is-me, blame-the-world attitude has entertained me more than once through the years. I must warn him of this new development. He deserves to know that he married a whore.
WAITERBOT: I'm going out now, girl, and I'm leaving you here. Don't get any funny ideas, because I'm taking the only key to that birdcage with me.
CHER: But you haven't even fed me yet! When will you be back?
WAITERBOT: Before Wheel of Fortune, this much is certain!
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ha! I knew sneaking here before Waiterbot woke up would pay off! These flowers are all mine!
JAMES LIPTON: A patch of goodness, that's what I see!
MISTA SNOWMAN: James Lipton?! It's great that you could share in my special Christmas moment...but what are you doing here?!
JAMES LIPTON: I followed you. I've been tracking you for weeks!
JAMES LIPTON: ...would you mind if I used a few of these flowers as props for my upcoming big screen adaptation of Our Town?
LATER!
CHER: Hi there. I'm Cher Winningham!
KNACKS: Hi...uh...I'm Knacks.
CHER: I know, silly! Waiterbot told me all about you! But don't worry...I've learned how to trim the bullshit from the things he says to get to the real story. I know you're a cool guy.
KNACKS: You think I'm cool?
CHER: Well, I did before I caught you hiding behind the chair and staring at me.
KNACKS: I'm sorry about that...it's just...well, you see, I had this girlfriend, and I thought we were getting along great, but it looks like she wasn't all that into me. She was super pretty and nice and gorgeous, and you just...you just remind me so much of her.
CHER: You mean...you think I'm gorgeous? Well isn't that sweet!
KNACKS: This is kind of an awkward conversation to be having with someone who's trapped in a cage. Do you know where the key is?
CHER: Brainface took it, but don't worry...it really isn't so bad in here.
KNACKS: Well, I'm glad I could at least meet you. You seem like a nice lady.
CHER: If you figure out a way to get Waiterbot out of the house tomorrow...we can chat some more!
MEANWHILE...
LEGOTRON: Oh God...this is going to be so painful...
BOX: You don't have to do this, Legotron. I already told you...I don't really care if you steal all the heads from the Advent Calendar.
LEGOTRON: I know, but the others will get suspicious if we don't fill our yearly quota of "new LEGO guys."
ORANGE OSWALD: Hiya dudes...I'm Orange Oswald!
LEGOTRON: We already have an Orange Oswald. You're gonna have to pick a different name.
BLUE OSWALD: I'm Blue Oswald! And who might you guys be?
LEGOTRON: I'm Legotron. I came off of one of these Advent Calendar a few years ago, but as several different people. Then someone used magic to combine me into the towering terror you see before you today. My hobbies include collecting extra heads, Scrabble, and paying to pork my friend's wife, who has no body.
BOX: And I'm Box. I too came off an Advent Calendar, but it wasn't the LEGO kind. I was an infant just last year, until I became a teenager through the power of metamorphosis. Though mostly untapped, I've shown limitless potential in the field of "shooting laser beams from my eyes." I too enjoy Scrabble.
BLUE OSWALD: Am I getting Punk'd?
LATER!
WAITERBOT: I tell you Kuse, she's practically a hooker! Just last night, I spotted the traitorous wench wearing another man's cape! You must be rid of her!
KUSE: Mare? Cheating on me? No way. You didn't actually see her cheat on me, did you?
WAITERBOT: Well, no, not really...but clearly she is considering it! Tell me, Kuse...if you're stuck at work all the time, then why does the house continually reek of her putrid pheromones? Just who is she trying to attract?
KUSE: I knew Mare was pissed about me keeping this job...but I didn't know she was that pissed. I better talk to her.
WAITERBOT: Yes, you do that. You "talk" to her. You "talk" to her with open-fisted slaps!
KUSE: Jeeeez, man...why do you hate women so much?
WAITERBOT: Because I am Waiterbot!
JOE: Yo, Kuse! Vinny and I are headin' down to Starbucks to get some of those gingerbread latte deals. You know, the kind that come in the limited edition cups? You in or what?
JOE: What the fuck?!!
VINNY: What the fuck is that?!!
WAITERBOT: You two have a problem with the way I look?
