HSSXXLLLO: ...I'm just concerned that we're spending too much time on the small stuff and losing sight of our ultimate goals.

???????: You shouldn't be. Being concerned is my concern, Hssxxlllo.


???????: Remember, it was you who chose to accompany me when I was wrongfully banished to Amalthea. You followed me because you believed in my vision. I only ask that you continue believing in me now.


HSSXXLLLO: I do believe in you...you know I do! I've sacrificed everything for our cause! I just can't help being worried. I've been chanting for the One Who Would Save Us to make his presence known, and I've not heard a peep!


???????: That's because the One Who Would Save Us is more than a mere parlor trick. He will not show himself simply to prove his actuality. He will only come when we need Him the most.

HSSXXLLLO: I guess you're right. My apologies for questioning your great wisdom.

???????: Doubt is a natural emotion, Hssxxlllo. It's fear that I will not allow. You must remain fearless. Our time has almost come. Now return to your office and continue earning the foul currency of this lost world. We cannot alter the course of history on a shoestring budget.

MEANWHILE...


KUSE: Looks like the coast is clear...


KUSE: Okay, I've got fancy construction paper, markers, heart-shaped ink stamps...man, Mare is going to faint when she sees this card!


KUSE: Now for the hard part: Coming up with the right words.

MEANWHILE...


WAITERBOT: So! Thought you could fool me, did you? I know all about your little escapades with Knacks, girl. In the Book of Waiterbot, insubordination is punishable by death!

CHER: Ugh. So what if I talked to Knacks? What's the big deal? It's not like I tried to get out of this stupid cage or anything.

WAITERBOT: You spoke to another without first obtaining my explicit written consent! To me, that is a big deal!

CHER: But why do you give a shit? You've made it pretty clear that you aren't exactly one of my fans...and besides, you're married!


WAITERBETTY: You're right! Waiterbot is married! Though it seems this often escapes his memory!


WAITERBOT: What are you doing here?! You know how I feel about my secret lair!

WAITERBETTY: Yes, I do, but why must your privacy quirks extend to your own wife?! I thought I was your beloved!

WAITERBOT: You are, my dear, you are! But every boy needs his clubhouse, and I don't feel that I should be robbed of this birthright simply because I don't want to sit in a shitty wood box up in some termite-infested tree!

WAITERBETTY: Fine, you can have your little lair. I only ask that you give me one thing in return for my many years of loyal companionship...


WAITERBETTY: ...I want that bitch's body. Place me upon her head so that I may encompass it with my own! It's been too long since I've last commandeered the legs of another!


CHER: What is she talking about, Waiterbot?

WAITERBOT: She refers to our way of improving other beings by taking over their heads and controlling everything underneath them! What, did you think I was born with a Santa Claus body? I had to earn this!

CHER: You're not really going to let that thing eat me, are you?

WAITERBOT: She's made an attractive proposition, girl. Not only will I get to keep my secret lair, but I'll gain control of a wife who combines the advanced intellect of my species with the raw power of a Mare! I could rule the universe!


WAITERBOT: ...but I think I'm going to pass, Waiterbetty. I will not risk my legendary prowess in the patriarchal role by providing my wife with the means to become more powerful than myself! Fuck you and get out of my lair!

MEANWHILE...


MR. OWL: Hoot, hoooooot. Hoot hooooooot. Hoot.


JAMES LIPTON: CUT, cut! This just isn't working for me!


JAMES LIPTON: Sorry, Mr. Owl...I'm just not believing you in this role. Everybody knows that owls don't eat lettuce. They'll think my movie is a sham!

MEANWHILE...


OH MY GOD


OH MY GOD


OH MY GOD


OH MY GOD


I GOT A BIDET!


A MAGICAL...

CHRISTMAS...

BIDET!


OH MY GOD


OH MY GOD


OH MY GOD

LATER!


LEGOTRON: So what's the deal with your mother and that dude in the cape?


BOX: What do you mean?

LEGOTRON: Well...I don't want to make you upset or anything...but don't they seem to be getting a little too close?

BOX: What are you saying...you think my mom's cheating on my dad? Noooo fucking way. That would never happen.

LEGOTRON: You say that now, but what if they get a divorce? You'll probably blame yourself!


BOX: Okay, for the sake of argument, let's say you're right. Then what?

LEGOTRON: "Then" you kill the guy in the cape. Duh.

BOX: Murder him? I can't do that. I'm not a killer.

LEGOTRON: Yeah well, that's not going to help you sleep at night if your father becomes a raving derelict ruined by depression.

BOX: Okay, now you're scaring me. I wish I could call him, but he always yells at Mom when she calls him at work. He must be really busy there...

MEANWHILE...


HSSXXLLLO: So you've been at this for seven hours now, and you've still got nothing?

KUSE: I don't know. I wrote some stuff, but I just can't figure out if my poetry's any good. It's there on the desk if you want to take a look.


HSSXXLLLO: Kuse, what the hell? "Roses are red....violets are blue. If you forgive me...I'll stop being a Jew." Are you joking? Your wife doesn't want you to convert...she just wants to know that you care about her!

KUSE: So you don't think that one works? I wrote a few others...see if you like those any better?


HSSXXLLLO: "Roses are red...violets are blue. I'll switch to Catholicism...to prove I-love-you." Kuse, this is almost exactly the same as the last one!

KUSE: I thought I showed a little more talent for turning a phrase in this version, though.


HSSXXLLLO: I just don't think this is the right kind of vibe you want. She's not looking for you to compensate by giving her things...just tell the woman you love her!

KUSE: I don't know how. I can't seem to rhyme and be romantic at the same time.

HSSXXLLLO: Ugh, get me a damn pen. I'll help you.

MEANWHILE...


CHER: Thanks for saving me this morning, Waiterbot.

WAITERBOT: What?! You thought I was saving you?! Have you lost your mind?

CHER: Well, you could've handed me over to that weird brainy woman...but you didn't!

WAITERBOT: Bah! You cannot claim I saved you on a technicality! Incidental saves are stricken from the record!


CHER: Whatever you say, but here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking...that maybe you aren't as bad as I thought.

WAITERBOT: You're wrong! I am that bad! I am Waiterbot!

LATER!


KNACKS: So you really found this thing hidden under a rug upstairs, huh? That's strange. I wonder who it belongs to?

TIGERBOY: Let's try to contact whoever has the other one!

KNACKS: You've had this walkie talkie since yesterday, and you just thought of that now?


KNACKS: Uh...hello? Hello, is anybody there? H-E-L-L-O?


???????: Report status.


KNACKS: Huh?! Who is this?! We've got the other half of the walkie talkie set...we found it in our attic and we're all a little weirded out about it. Who are you??


???????: Turn it off. That isn't Jacob.


KNACKS: The connection just went dead! Do you think this is someone's sick idea of a practical joke?

TIGERBOY: Could be. Did the person on the other side sound like Bea Arthur on helium?

KNACKS: No, it definitely wasn't Waiterbot.


???????: Our inside man is getting sloppy. Now we must accelerate our plans.

SANTA-X: It's clobberin' time.



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