KNACKS: Okay Waiterbot, listen up. I know you won't give up Cher without getting something in return, so I'm here to work out a deal with you. Name your price. I'll figure out some way to get the money.
WAITERBOT: Do I look like Watto to you? This isn't The Phantom Menace. I don't barter my slaves away for sport!
KNACKS: Why do you have to be such an asshole all the time? Come on, there must be something you'd take in trade.
WAITERBOT: Cher, can you believe this fool? He's confused Waiterbot with Wattobot!
WAITERBOT: ...he thinks you're Shmi Skywalker! He thinks your conception was immaculate! He thinks you're a dried up, ratty-haired old woman!
CHER: That isnt exactly what he was trying to say, Waiterbot.
WAITERBOT: Bah! I've always pegged you as the kind who would protect her ego with denial!
WAITERBOT: No Knacks, I will not "bargain" with you. And do you know why? Because I am Waiterbot!
KNACKS: Yeah...know what, dude? Might be time to come up with a new line. That one's getting a little old.
WAITERBOT: Old...like your MAMA!
MEANWHILE...
HSSXXLLLO: Isn't that kind of a big package to be mailing a card in?
KUSE: What do you mean? Mare loves boxes. Hell, we named our son after boxes.
HSSXXLLLO: I'm just saying that she might expect a crystal vase or fancy jewelry if you send the card in a package that big.
KUSE: Wow, I didn't think of that. How'd you get to be so smart, Hssxxlllo?
HSSXXLLLO: I read a lot.
KUSE: Unfortunately, I don't have time to rip all the tape off this and find an envelope. The messenger center closes at three o'clock sharp. I need them to drop this thing off at my house!
LATER!
KNACKS: ...and the dumb jerk wouldn't even try to make a deal with me. I seriously would've paid anything to get Cher out of that cage. She doesn't deserve to be locked up like that!
KNACKS: ...are you even listening to me?
TIGERBOY: Sorry Knacks, I'm just going crazy with this whole "mysterious walkie talkie" thing. I've gotta find out who this belongs to!
KNACKS: Why do you care so much? I told you to just forget about it!
TIGERBOY: I'm a tiger, Knacks! We don't end the hunt until there's a bloodied caribou on the ground, spread eagle!
KNACKS: Not really sure what you mean by that, but...okay?
KNACKS: Tigerboy, don't be a fool! So what if we don't know where that walkie talkie came from? There are a lot of things around here with untold origin stories.
TIGERBOY: No, I'm telling you, there's something different about this! Something isn't right!
KNACKS: So you're seriously going to spend another whole day trying to track down the owner? That's so stupid!
TIGERBOY: Maybe, maybe not.
KNACKS: How are you even gonna do that?! Don't you think that the person would've already been asking around if they lost one of their walkie talkies and wanted it back?
TIGERBOY: Don't worry, I have a plan. Tigers always have a plan.
KNACKS: Great, have fun. I'll just spend the rest of the day sprawled out on the couch with nothing but misery and despair to keep me company.
JAMES LIPTON: "Depression. It's one of the least remarkablous emotions ever felt. Its roots and existence have long mystified even the most devoted scientists and psychologists. Tonight...James Lipton Productions presents...this very unusual inside look...at THE DEPRESSIVE MIND."
KNACKS: You better not be doing what I think you're doing.
KNACKS: What the fuck, Lipton? How long have you been filming me?
JAMES LIPTON: Several days. It's one of the advantages of a multi-camera setup.
KNACKS: Just turn that fucking thing off, okay?
JAMES LIPTON: In a minute! We're almost done with this scene!
JAMES LIPTON: I just need you to pull a few tears. Doesn't matter if they're crocodile-style or not. Just gimme some waterworks. We are guaranteed an Emmy if we get this shot!
MEANWHILE...
BOX: So what's it gonna be? You keeping that head for yourself or what?
LEGOTRON: I'm still debating. To be honest, the last one hasn't been fully assimilated yet. I'm still getting signals of doubt and aggression from the north.
BOX: Maybe we could flip a coin?
LEGOTRON: I call heads.
LEGOTRON: Uh, Box? Did you invite some bulimic chick to come see us work our mojo at the Advent Calendar today?
