DOCTOR: Box, you're incredible! You saved Legotron's life!
BOX: Aw, don't make such a big deal about it. Anyone would've done the same if they were in my shoes.
DOCTOR: Yeah...anyone with hand energy, at least.
MARE: Okay everyone, listen up! This is a serious situation! We all knew it would happen eventually, and now it's time to take the necessary steps to avoid getting killed! This year's villains have fired their first shot!
MARE: I know some of you are new, so I'll give you the lowdown. Every year, we find ourselves at odds with one or more nearly unstoppable bad guys. There's a lot of kidnapping and laser blasts, and a few of our resident ancillary characters usually find themselves dead. Until we sort all of this out, NOBODY leaves the house alone...is that understood?
MARE: That means you can't duck out of your Advent Calendar duties anymore, Waiterbot. Do NOT send Mista Snowman out of the house alone.
WAITERBOT: But Mare!
MARE: Don't "but Mare" me! I believe one of the earlier incarnations of Santa Claus set a precedent. If you stop doing the Advent Calendar midway through the month, you have to forfeit all of the gifts you received up to that point.
WAITERBOT: Fine, I will do it! You will not free Cher from my grasp that easily!
MARE: Meeting adjourned. Remember what I said: Don't leave this house unless you've got someone to watch your back. Now everyone wish me luck...I've gotta call Kuse and hope the idiot picks up the phone this time.
LATER!
KUSE: ...you've got to be kidding me. Our son was attacked by a skeleton?! Mare, what the fuck is going on down there? Are you guys safe, or do I have to come home?
MARE: I'm pissed that you even have to ask that, but actually, I don't want you to come home. Not until I gather up a team to go there and escort you back, at least. It's not safe for you to walk here alone.
KUSE: Okay, maybe I'll try to talk to the boss and see if he'll let me have some time off. Hey did you get my package today? It should've been on the doorstep.
MARE: I just walked outside...not seeing anything on the stoop, though. It's still pretty early...maybe the mailman hasn't come yet?
MARE: Look Kuse, I'll check for it again later. Meantime, just be careful. Do NOT leave your building. Sleep there if you have to. You know, like you've been doing all fucking month anyway?
LATER!
LEGOTRON: That was some pretty kickass shit you did yesterday. I owe you one.
BOX: No sweat, buddy. Besides, if you died, can you imagine who I'd get stuck doing the LEGO Calendar with? Picture it: Box and James Lipton...in charge of the LEGO Advent Calendar.
LEGOTRON: James? Nah, there's plenty worse options than James...
LEGOTRON: I mean, you could get stuck with...that guy...you know...that guy with the black hair...and he has glasses I think? What's his name again? Doorman? Rocktomb??
MEANWHILE...
MARE: So Doctor, what's the verdict? Are those bones of natural or supernatural origin?
DOCTOR: Mare, I think I need to come clean with you about something. "Doctor" is my name, not my title. I'm not really "a doctor." I'm just..."Doctor."
MARE: Wonderful.
LATER!
JACOB: Aw man what the fuck? I know I left it here somewhere. Where the frig is it??
TIGERBOY: Looking for this, Jacob? I had a feeling that this mysterious walkie talkie's owner would return to the scene of the crime sooner or later.
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: ...three French Hens, two Turtle Doves...and a Gold Frog on a lil-leeeeee...
WAITERBOT: That's a lilypad. You can't shorten it to "lily" just because it suits your song-bastardizing purposes.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Why not?
WAITERBOT: Because I said so!
WAITERBOT: And Cher, what do you think you're doing?! You know full well that you are never to walk in front of your master! I consider this treason!
CHER: Sorry, Mr. Waiterbot...something just...something caught my eye.
MEANWHILE...
JACOB: Just hand over the walkie talkie, and we won't have a problem.
TIGERBOY: I knew we shouldn't have trusted you! I knew it from the first second I smelled you! You smelled like trouble!
JACOB: Tigerboy...you're playing with fire.
JACOB: ...and people who play with fire often find themselves on fire.
TIGERBOY:Hand energy?! I knew it! I knew you were bad news!
MARE: Lower your hand, Jacob.
JACOB: Well, look who it is!
JACOB: Women, I tell ya! They can never decide if they want to kiss you or kill you! What's the matter, Mare? Upset that your sad marital status forbade you from hittin' this shit? Don't deny it. I saw the way you looked at----
JACOB: AHHH! You bitch!
MARE: I should've known better than to trust a guy who wears a cape over regular clothes. That's just weird. Now tell me who you're working for...or I'm going to blast you even harder.
JACOB: You'll have to catch me first...muahahahh!
MARE: Jacob, get back here!
JACOB: Don't worry, bitch! I'll be seeing you again real soon! RABBITS FOREVER!
MARE: Did he just say..."rabbits?"
MARE: Oh my God...
MARE: Tigerboy, are you okay?!
TIGERBOY: Just a little shaken up...but I'll be all right. What the hell is going on here, Mare?
MARE: Oh God...if it's what I think it is...we're in for some serious shit.
MARE: You see, a long time ago, one of my sisters...Christ, I don't even know how to put this. She started hanging around with these really extreme activist groups, and...
TIGERBOY: What are you trying to say?
MARE: That one of my sisters is after us. One of my really, really powerful sisters.
TIGERBOY: What do you mean? Is it Claire? I thought we killed her last year!
MARE: No, it's not Claire.
TIGERBOY: But it's a Mare?
MARE: ...sort of.
SANTA-X: I can never say it enough...
SANTA-X: ...you are fucking BRILLIANT!
SANTA-X: Who else would think to install a hidden camera in the reanimated skull of that undead blonde girl?! And only you could've successfully predicted that the idiots would drag the thing into their shitty house! You're amazing, fearless leader.
???????: I appreciate your flattery, but there's no need for such positional titles. Please, call me by my real name...
