SANTA-X: Look buddy...I appreciate that you've taken a shine to me, but can you please stop calling me that? CHAINMALE: Calling you what? You are my father, and therefore, I call you Daddy! SANTA-X: I am not your father! I am a resurrected, charred Santa Claus bent on misguided revenge! CHAINMALE: This may be true...but you are also Daddy! MEANWHILE... MARE: Carol, if you're going to live with us, I guess I should introduce you to everyone. That's Trudy, Knacks and Santa Claus. CAROL: You live with Santa Claus? Really? MARE: Actually, we live with two of them if you count the one Waiterbot's commandeering. He's kind of a squiddy, brainy thing. Really crass. You'll meet him later. CAROL: This is some cast of characters you have here! CAROL: So, I understand that you too were born of the Playmobil Fairy Tale Advent Calendar. It's nice to meet you. TRUDY: What's your name again...Carol? Listen, Carol...we'll get along just fine if you stay out of my food. CAROL: You like food? That's awesome -- I do, too! TRUDY: Then perhaps the fact that we've met is more than just a chance occurrence! MARE: So, uh, yeah...kitchen's over there, bedrooms are upstairs, yadda yadda yadda. Sorry, we don't believe in bathrooms. CAROL: That's fine because girls don't shit. Is there anybody else I should meet? MARE: Well, there's like fifty people living here...it'd be a little daunting to try to introduce you to all of them. CAROL: Okay, but who are those guys? MARE: Those are our random LEGO dudes. They're not feeling so hot today. We got them out of various LEGO Advent Calendars over the past few years. We'd have more, but this other guy likes to steal their heads and hide the rest of their bodies in parts unknown. CAROL: Wow! They should make a movie about this place! MARE: Actually, one of our roommates is already doing that. Ever hear of James Lipton? CAROL: You guys live with James Lipton?! MARE: Uh huh. We've also got a kid who runs around in a tiger costume. MEANWHILE... HARE: Though most of my pieces have moved into position, I find myself desperate for the quick win. Just because I preach patience doesn't mean I have to practice it. HARE: I must summon The One Who Would Save Us! By my watch, the time for victory has come! He will rise! He will destroy the evil ones and restore order to the universe! HARE: Oh great one, I beg of you! What to them is a decree, is for you a plea! HARE: 7777! Our God up in Heaven! Rise from the smoke and take to the sky....strike at those who dare to defy! Restore peace to each of this system's spheres...it is for justice and hope that I beg you to appear! HARE: Yes, yes! Rise, oh great one...rise! HARE: 7777! Our God up in Heaven! You usher in the great upheaval...truly you are without equal! HARE: Yes, yes! Leviathan is luck and love...Leviathan owns the sky above! MEANWHILE... WAITERBOT: I still can't believe it! Can you believe it, Cher? No, of course you can't! How could anyone believe that I would so wantonly slay those pitiable LEGO fools without hard evidence?! CHER: Waiterbot...from what I heard, they caught you beating Orange Oswald up with a wrench. WAITERBOT: That's circumstantial evidence! Don't you know anything?! WAITERBOT: I tell you, Cher...there is only so much injustice I can take before I do awful, terrible things in protest! I must find a way to calm my nerves! CHER: Why don't you do some yoga? Yoga can be very relaxing. WAITERBOT: Yes yes I know all about yoga. It is not the solution to my problems. WAITERBOT: No, the only way that I'm going to calm down is by perversely brushing your hair with my trademark sensual touch! CHER: Wouldn't you rather have a Hostess Ding-Dong? WAITERBOT: How dare you talk back to me when--wait, we have Ding-Dongs? CHER: Yeah! A whole box! WAITERBOT: This better not be some kind of trick, girl. If it is...your punishment will be the stuff books are written about! CHER: Waiterbot, I'm not lying! There's a whole box of frosted chocolatey goodness just waiting for you downstairs! WAITERBOT: Chocolatey goodness! One of the only phrases I'd consider turning into an ass tattoo! WAITERBOT: I'm going downstairs. Remember what I said: If I find out you're lying, you will pay! CHER: Don't worry. You'll get your cakes. I'll just sit right here like a good girl and wait until you get back. WAITERBOT: How dare you suggest things before I have a chance to do so myself! KNACKS: ...is he gone? CHER: He's gone. LATER! HSSXXLLLO: Hare, what the fuck was that?! The ground was shaking and the skies were parting...and then all of the sudden it just stopped! HSSXXLLLO: Were you trying to summon The One Who Would Save Us? HARE: I was. HSSXXLLLO: Oh my God! So what happened?! He didn't come?!! HARE: No, he did not. Now leave me be. MEANWHILE... BOX: Jeez, it feels good to get back to the house before dawn for once, doesn't it? LEGOTRON: Sure does. Feel like I haven't seen this place in a week! BOX: Hey, can you help me lift this thing up the stairs? It's pretty heavy for something so obtuse and pointless. LEGOTRON: I would, but...I think I have a little problem, here. LEGOTRON: I may have taken on one extra head too many. LEGOTRON: Even if I crouch down, there's no way I can fit through that doorway! JAMES LIPTON: This is good, this is good! I'll be the first news outlet in the whole world to cover today's LEGO Advent Calendar gift! Finally, my big break! JAMES LIPTON: Hmmm...what do I keep stepping on? Is that a package? Why would the mailman leave our parcels in such an obscure location? JAMES LIPTON: Hey, it's from Kuse! And it's addressed to... uh...M-A-R-E. Why would Kuse send a package to a ready-to-eat meal? I could see sending an MRE to someone, but sending an MRE something?! That's nuts! MEANWHILE... MISTA SNOWMAN: You look like God's gift to Christmas! TIGERBOY: No I don't. I look ridiculous. Are you sure this is a dress? It's awfully big. MISTA SNOWMAN: Yeah, and you know what else is big? The spirit of Christmas! That dress is big in tribute to the spirit of Christmas! TIGERBOY: Okay, but that still doesn't explain why you need me to wear it. I don't do dresses. MISTA SNOWMAN: Oh but you do "do" tiger costumes? You can't do tiger costumes and not do dresses! Not during Christmastime! LATER! MARE: Jesus, Kuse! How could you have just "neglected" to mention that?! If you would've told me you were working with a rabbit, I could've figured this out from the start! KUSE: Look Mare, we don't have time for this now. Hssxxlllo gave me a bunch of papers and said that they could save our lives, but I can't make any sense of them! It's just a bunch of weird codes and fucked up symbols! KUSE: I mean, listen to this one: "Deeds showy trust....havoc aunty eyes." What the fuck am I supposed to take from that?! MARE: Kuse, throw those god damned notes in the trash! I told you...Hare is into black magic! They're probably trying to trick you into transforming yourself into a frog or something! MARE: I knew I should've made you come home! It's not safe there! For all you know, you'll turn around and some screwed up monster will stab you in the throat!