KNACKS: Okay Cher...I've got something I want to tell you, but it's not really easy for me to say...
CHER: Aw, come on Knacks...you know I love everything you tell me.
KNACKS: See, it's just that...well, I don't know if I've ever really said this to anyone before, and...well...you know what I'm trying to say here, right?
CHER: I might, but I want to hear you say it.
KNACKS: You're really going to make me sweat this one out, aren't you?
CHER: Uh huh. You're cute when you're nervous!
KNACKS:Grrrr. Okay. Cher...Cher...I uh...okay, let me just blurt it out real fast...Cher...I...
WAITERBOT: SO! I knew it! I knew you two were sneaking around behind my back! Is there no end to your insolence?
KNACKS: Waiterbot! This...uh...this isn't what it looks like.
WAITERBOT: Now it all makes sense! Now I know why Cher kept trying to persuade me to go to the corner deli for Hostess Ding-Dongs!
CHER: Waiterbot, you don't understand! Try to be reasonable!
WAITERBOT: Now I know the true reason why my secret lair smelled like chicken yesterday! You two...you were cooking in my lair! Knacks, get out! GET. THE FUCK. OUT.
KNACKS: Waiterbot, please!
MEANWHILE...
SANTA: Okay guys, Mare and I talked about it, and we've decided that it's just too dangerous for anyone to be leaving the house right now. We want to temporarily suspend your Advent Calendar duties.
SANTA: This was a really difficult decision, but with the threat of Mare's sister looming over us, there's just no way we can send you out there. I know you're all disappointed, but this is simply the way it must be.
LEGOTRON: Disappointed?! You think we're disappointed? Christ, Santa...I've been saying what you just said for a fucking week now!
BOX: To put it nicer way: No, we really don't mind if you want us to stop doing the Advent Calendar.
LEGOTRON: C'mon, Box. Let's grab some beers and see if Waiterbetty's "store" is open.
SANTA: Okay, well that's two down. What about you guys? Are you upset that you can't go down to the Playmobil Advent Calendar anymore?
MISTA SNOWMAN: As much as I love those presents, I stand firmly behind the single belief that's driven every decision of my entire life: Santa Claus is always right!
SANTA: Good. And how about you, Tigerboy?
TIGERBOY:Shit. Guys, I have a little confession to make...
TIGERBOY: Mista Snowman, remember those weird fences we got from the Advent Calendar yesterday?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Are you kidding? I can't get them out of my head!
TIGERBOY: Well, we should've gotten them today. I goofed. I accidentally pulled out the gift box for December 21st, and completely skipped over the box for the 20th. I noticed it before we left, but at that point, what could I do?
TIGERBOY: Santa, I have to go back! You know it's bad luck to open the boxes out of order! I need to go unwrap #20!
SANTA: Out of the question! Though it is bad form to open the Advent Calendar gifts out of order, I simply won't allow anyone to put their lives at risk on my watch!
TIGERBOY: But Santa!
SANTA: But nothing! Do NOT go to the Advent Calendar, Tigerboy. That's an order!
TIGERBOY:Screw what he says. I'm gonna go fix this. What if something really bad happens? What if yesterday's gift transforms into some kind of monster, in protest of not being opened?
MISTA SNOWMAN: But you heard what Santa said! We'll get in big Christmas trouble!
TIGERBOY: No...I will. You're staying here. This was my mistake, so it's my responsibility to fix it.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Okay, if you insist. Now, to bring you luck, I'd like to recite my favorite verse from my favorite Christmas song of all time.
I SAID ME TOO
BUT WHY ARE YOU--
YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT CRANBERRIES, TOO?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Do you feel any luckier???
MEANWHILE...
BLUE OSWALD: Okay guys, listen up! We're all tired of not getting any respect around here, so I say we do something about it!
SWEEPER: But what can I do? I'm just a guy who sweeps! It's all I'm capable of!
BLUE OSWALD: We're going to sit on the front stoop and wait for these stupid rabbits to show up! We'll kick their asses, and then everyone will know we mean business!
LATER!
MARE: Hey Knacks...mind if I sit down?
KNACKS: Suit yourself. I mean, it's your house. 50% of it, at least.
MARE: Looks like somebody is in a grumpy mood.
MARE: You know, I've been pretty moody myself lately. I haven't seen Kuse for more than an hour in weeks, and my giant rabbit sister is planning to murder me, my family, and all of my friends. Life sucks! What are you upset about?
KNACKS: I'm all fucked up about Cher. I wish Waiterbot didn't own her.
MARE: You have to admit, my problems sound way more intense than yours.
KNACKS: You're not helping.
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: Boy, do I feel silly! How could I have thought that the fate of the universe depended on me yanking this thing from a day-old gift box?
TIGERBOY: I mean, we haven't had rain around here for over six years now.
TIGERBOY: Unless this is just one of those umbrellas that fancy ladies use to shield themselves from sunlight?
TIGERBOY: Either way, I still feel silly.
HARE: You're about to feel a whole lot worse than just "silly," fuzzy one.
TIGERBOY: Mista Snowman, is that you? Why do you have such an ominously deep, booming voice all of the sudden?
TIGERBOY: OH MY GOD! THE SKEPTICS WERE WRONG! THERE REALLY ARE GIANT RABBITS!
HARE: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hare Winningham of Amalthea. To my right is Santa-X, who you may remember as the once-jolly superhero ruined by the exploits of you and your friends last year. The smaller rabbit is Hssxxlllo Ussall. He is very senstive about the pronunciation of his name. And these other guys...they're just knights.
HARE: Tie him up, Hssxxlllo. He's far too worthy a sacrifice to kill for mere pleasure. Clearly he should be among the chosen for tomorrow's grand offering to Leviathan!
HSSXXLLLO: But Hare! The One Who Would Save Us never decreed that he'd be provided with these awful sacrifices! There's no reason to do this!
HARE: You're wrong, Hssxxlllo. By this time tomorrow, we will be ready for his great arrival!
LATER!
BLUE OSWALD: Guys, this is it! I can see them coming! Put up your dukes!
CHER: Waiterbot, do you hear something about outside? I swear I just heard an explosion.
WAITERBOT: You heard no such thing! I will not be tricked into leaving my lair again! Now shut up and endure your punishment brushing, girl!
CAROL: Looks like it's time.
TRUDY: Yup.
SANTA-X: That was too easy. Where's the challenge?
HARE: Don't worry, Santa-X. There is plenty more to come. Let us now usher these blasphemers to an eternity spent in pain!
MEANWHILE...
SANTA: Now like I I told you guys before...you're firemen. I need you to learn how to actually put out fires. It's not good enough that you just dress like firemen. With everything that's going on, we need real skill!
HARE: There's no place like home....for the holidays.
SANTA: Oh no! It's them! They're here!
HARE: Very astute observation, you pathetic sack of sick.
HARE: I am Hare Winningham. Die you will, but I leave it up to you whether that happens by a fast or a slow hand.
SANTA: It's gonna take a lot more than empty bravado to win this battle, mutant! If you're here to harm my friends, you'll have to go through me, first! These kids are my responsibility!
HARE: My, my...this is the first time I've ever had a firm invitation to take someone's soul.
HARE: A Santa Claus you may be, but it is in name alone. You're nothing more than a weak impostor.
HARE: ...and weak impostors are unfit to serve to the great king, Leviathan!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SANTA: My earlier comments...to the firemen...now seem...almost too ironic...
HARE: All wars have their casualties, phony Claus. Just be glad that some misguided future generation may remember you as a martyr.
MARE: HARE! NOOOOOOOOO!
HARE: Hello...sister. So nice to see you again. You haven't aged a bit.
MARE: Why did you kill him?! Your beef is with me...just leave everyone else alone!
HARE: My "beef" is with anyone who cannot see the light in the darkness!
