HARE: I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, Mare.
MARE: I don't know how you escaped Amalthea, but I'm sending you back there...dead or alive.
HARE: Same old Mare. Must you always cling to hopes and dreams that are well beyond your pitiful reach?
HARE: I can't help but admire the fact that you'd even go through the motions of putting up a fight, but really, all you do is delay the inevitable. I'm taking your life, and then, I'm taking your place. From now on, December will belong...to me.
MARE: Same old Hare. Still talking too much when it'd be a whole lot easier to just...
MARE: ...SHUT UP AND FIGHT!
HARE: Your Christmas-themed hand energy is no match for the ancient power of my benevolent God!
MEANWHILE...
LEGOTRON: You son of a bitch! Do you know how fucking hard it is for me to put my heads back on?!
CHAINMALE: Tell you what...I'll give you to the count of five to repair yourself before I strike again. That sounds pretty fair, no?
LEGOTRON: I can tell that you're lying from the tone of your voice, but I love my heads too much to resist your offer!
LEGOTRON: Come on, heads...I need you now more than ever!
CHAINMALE: Sucker. I'm only counting to three!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHH
BOX: Stupid villain! You were almost victorious, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand energy!
MEANWHILE...
SANTA-X: It doesn't have to be this way, Waiterbot. I've been watching you for quite some time, and I've always admired your cold, opportunist ways. Just give me the girl, and I'll let you live.
WAITERBOT: Ha! The scorched Santa wants to make a deal with Waiterbot, does he? Forget it! I already wear the body of one of the Santas I've killed. Yours will be used merely as fertilizer!
SANTA-X: You'd risk your life to save that whore? I thought you were more of a man than that, Waiterbot.
WAITERBOT: Let's not make a mountain out of a molehill. I just don't want to let the customized "Property of Waiterbot" branding iron I recently ordered go to waste!
SANTA-X: You can't win this, fool. Your silly wrench is no match for my big, shiny, mace-like baseball bat thing.
WAITERBOT: It is too! I put fifty-three LEGO guys in a coma with this wrench!
WAITERBOT: Gah! He got me in the stomach! Cher...the pestilent rat has hit me in the stomach!
CHER: Out of the way, Waiterbot. I'll take care of this turkey.
WAITERBOT: What do you mean "you'll" take care of him? Despite all your rage you are still just a girl in a cage!
CHER: I'm not just a girl, Waiterbot...
CHER: ...I'm a Mare.
SANTA-X: YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WAITERBOT: Yes, yes, keep blasting him, girl! Push him off the ledge!
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: You wouldn't stab a guy with glasses, would ya?
GOLDGUY: You're not wearing glasses, snowman.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ah shit.
SANTA-X: AHHHHH!
GOLDGUY: OWWWW!
MISTA SNOWMAN: ...I knew I could do it!
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: Knacks, thank God it's you!
KNACKS: Tigerboy, what happened?!
TIGERBOY: They caught me at the Advent Calendar. Knacks, Mare's sister is totally fucked up! She wants to sacrifice us to some kind of demon god!
KNACKS: Well then it's up to us to make sure that never happens! Let me get you untied...
TIGERBOY: Ohhh fuck.
KNACKS: I should've known better than to blindly trust giant-sized Mares from an interdimensional Advent Calendar.
TRUDY: What's the matter, boys? Sad to see that we've been PLAYING YOU FOR FOOLS ALL ALONG?!!
CAROL: Ha! You thought we liked you! We don't! We hate you! We hate all of you!
CAROL: Have a nice trip, see you next fall.
KNACKS: Ahhh! Fucking Christ lady, don't throw me out the fucking window!
CAROL: You'll live. You'll just break some stuff.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TRUDY: And that just leaves us...and you. How does it feel, tiger? How does it feel to be this year's token major character death?
TIGERBOY: What?! No! Don't do this!
CAROL: Sorry, Tigerboy. This war has built waaay too much suspense to wrap up without somebody offing at least one major character. We elect you for this honor!
CAROL: Got any last requests?
TRUDY: Want to divulge any hidden secrets before you die?
JAMES LIPTON: Hidden secrets! I love those!
TRUDY: Ugh, not you. I've had to put up with your nonsense for far too long, Lipton.
JAMES LIPTON: Ladies, please! I believe you said something about divulging hidden secrets. I myself have one that I'd very much like to divulge!
JAMES LIPTON: Just let me put my camera down for a moment...okay, there we go.
JAMES LIPTON: As I was saying...I'd like to do some hidden secret divulging. My story begins some time back. There I was, in a limo on the way to a routine Botox session. I always had an interest in keeping a fresh face, but during that limousine ride...something hit me.
JAMES LIPTON: My hands! I'd been going through so much trouble to take care of my face...but I was completely neglecting my hands! They looked awful! They were, dare I say...beyond repair!
JAMES LIPTON: So I had a cosmetic surgeon cut them off and replace them with prop hands. Incredibly, none of my friends noticed! I've been marching through life with phony hands for over a year now!
JAMES LIPTON: Now, hand removal is a tricky surgery, in that it leaves the rest of your arms as...well, what could I call them? "Empty cavities?" My arms were essentially hollowed out tubes, and it always struck me as odd that I wasn't actively using them for anything.
JAMES LIPTON: So, I got an idea. It took me some time to find a doctor with the needed skills, tools and willingness to make my idea a reality, but when all was said and done, I was a new James!
JAMES LIPTON: And do you know what that idea was, ladies?
JAMES LIPTON: My idea...was to convert the empty cavities that were once my arms...
JAMES LIPTON: ...into goddamned fucking flamethrowers.
CAROL: AHHHHHHHHH!
TRUDY: AHHHHHHHHH!
TIGERBOY: James! Holy shit!!! You killed them! You fucking did it! You saved my life!
JAMES LIPTON: Remarkablous!
MEANWHILE...
CHAINMALE: Hare, you gotta do something! Somehow, these fucks are winning!
HARE: I see that, Chainmale.
HARE: I guess we'll just have to...
HARE: ...try a little harder.
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH
DOOF
MEANWHILE...
KUSE: Oh no! I'm too late!
KUSE: I knew I shouldn't have taken the parkway! It's always jammed at this time of year! God damn it!
KNACKS: Kuuuuse....Kuuuuse, hellllp!
KUSE: Oh fuck...Knacks!
KNACKS: Dude I think I broke my ass. Is that even possible? Can a person break their ass?
KUSE: Knacks, I gotta get you to a hospital!
KNACKS: There's no time! Go save Mare and the others! I'll be okay!
KUSE: Oh God...I can't believe this is happening!
HSSXXLLLO: Freeze, Kuse. Don't make me use this. And for the record: It's a death ray...not a hairdryer.
KUSE: Hssxxlllo?! Come on, I know you don't want to do this!
HSSXXLLLO: I will do what I have to do. Grab your injured friend and get in the house. If you try anything funny, I will shoot you.
MEANWHILE...
CHAINMALE: Hare...that was brutal! That was brutal, awesome and amazing! You single-handedly beat every single one of these idiots!
