WAITERBOT: They've got to be kidding me! A box of flowers?! This really steams my piss!


MISTA SNOWMAN: What's wrong with flowers? Flowers are pretty!

WAITERBOT: Don't you get it, whitey? This is supposed to be a Christmas present, and yet, we got summer flowers wrapped in a fairy tale box! Can't you see what this means? Christmas really has become secularized!

MISTA SNOWMAN: What does that mean?

WAITERBOT: I don't know!

MEANWHILE...


TIGERBOY: Hey Knacks, these numbers on the LEGO boxes...what's this font they're using? I'm thinking Helvetica.


KNACKS: No idea, but forget about that...you have to check out the awesome gift we got today!


TIGERBOY: What is this, a box of fire?

KNACKS: Yeah! I mean, there's other parts and doodads in there, but strictly speaking, it's a box of fire! How cool is that?

TIGERBOY: I dunno. "Cool" is pretty subjective. But I do find it kind of neat to apply the "cool" descriptor to something that's so decidedly "hot."

KNACKS: Dude, we got a freakin' box of fire!

LATER!


SANTA: Okay everyone, I want to you be honest with me...


SANTA: How am I doing as Santa Claus so far? I could really use some feedback. Be as blunt as you want.

DOCTOR: Well Santa, since you asked...


DOCTOR: I can't say I really get why being Santa Claus is such a big responsibility. I mean, all you've really done so far is make a bad speech and pull a few names out of a hat. Anybody could do that. Heck, I could do that, and half the people sitting at this table don't even know my name!


SANTA: Tough crowd.


SANTA: Box, what about you? Surely you, the son of a Mare, understands the importance of being a good Santa.

BOX: Zap.

SANTA: So how am I doing so far? Am I giving the Santa legacy a good name? Have I reached my Claus potential?


BOX: Santa, yucky. Santa smelly. Yucky Santa cacka pee-pee.


SANTA: Forget I mentioned it. I should've known that this would be a selfless job. New topic, please.

JAMES LIPTON: I have one!


JAMES LIPTON: Let's talk about bears!


JAMES LIPTON: Wait I have an even better idea....let's imitate bears!


JAMES LIPTON: Whoever does the best bear imitation gets the last Ding Dong, okay?

MEANWHILE...


MARE: This is wrong. This is all wrong. December's supposed to be our month. Me and Kuse, happily surviving whatever Christmas threw at us, together, with our friends. This year is all screwed up. Kuse with a full time corporate job, an Advent Calendar from another dimension, a new house with secret rooms and a hidden underground chamber, random giant ears popping up in the windows...


MARE: All we need is for James Lipton to morph into a giant fish and have Fonzie jetski over his head.


MARE: It's funny how you can miss a time in your life that didn't even seem that great to start off with. Ugh. I'd cut off a tit to have Kuse show up right now with a dozen roses and a cute remark.


KUSE: Dandelions okay? I got them because you're dandy.


MARE: Kuse! You're home! I've missed you so much!

KUSE: Missed you too, babe. Hardcore.


KUSE: Listen Mare, I can only stay for an hour. If my boss finds out I'm gone, I'm totally fucked.

MARE: Kuse, Kuse there's so much to tell you! We've got interdimensional plots, unseen enemies, a new Santa Claus hanging by a thread...

KUSE: Mare! You can tell me that stuff through e-mail! I only have an hour! To the bedroom!

MEANWHILE...


WAITERBOT: Well, would you look at this?


WAITERBOT: What are the chances that we'd all get home from our Advent Calendar duties at the same time?

TIGERBOY: 47.6 to 1. I've actually thought about this!

WAITERBOT: Shut up you freak.


KNACKS: So what'd you guys get today? We got a BOX OF FIRE!


WAITERBOT: Oh, us? We got...well...we got...uh...


WAITERBOT: We got a high-powered blast cannon, made entirely of silver and shaped like a deadly cobra.


KNACKS: LIAR! I see what Mista Snowman's holding! Those are flowers! Ha! We got a BOX OF FIRE, and you got flowers!


KNACKS: Looks like we won this round, dorks! See you at the dinner table -- we'll save you a slice of HUMBLE PIE!


WAITERBOT: "Humble pie?" Is that like bread pudding?

MEANWHILE...


KUSE: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON...IN MY FUCKING BED?!


LEGOTRON: Get out get out GET OUT!


KUSE: Mare...PLEASE tell me I didn't just see what I think I saw. PLEASE tell me that Legotron and Waiterbetty aren't screwing in our bed.

MARE: Kuse, good God...she's wearing his hat and everything.

KUSE: I'm sooooo glad I risked losing my job to see Waiterbetty's "serious sex" face. Sooooo glad.

LATER!


TIGERBOY: Jeez Knacks, you were pretty hard on Waiterbot and Mista Snowman. What's with the attitude?

KNACKS: What's the problem? I only spoke the truth. They got a box of flowers, and we got a box of FIRE! There's no comparison! We clearly and completely won!

TIGERBOY: Yeah man, but it's like I told you...taste is subjective. You can't say that our gift was better just because you like fire better than flowers. Not everyone would agree.


KNACKS: Please! Could you name even one person who'd take flowers over fire? No, you can't!


KNACKS: One Advent Calendar had a box of flowers, and one Advent Calendar had a fucking box of fire. I'll leave you to cast your own vote, but this should be pretty easy to figure out...


KNACKS: ...after all, there's only two gifts to choose from.



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