KUSE: Oh for the love of motherfucking cocksucking dick...what NOW?
KUSE: Hello, Kuse speaking. Note that you're on SPEAKERPHONE. Do NOT say anything incriminating about the company, its boss or its employees. How may I help you?
MARE: Kuse? Kuse it's me, Mare. I have to talk to you about that interdimensional fairy tale Playmobil Advent Calendar. It gave us a new Mare yesterday. I don't know what to do.
KUSE: That's very good honey but unfortunately I am really, really, painfully busy right now. Can we talk about this when I get home? Hopefully sometime this month? Okay? Great. Love ya honey, I'll talk to you later.
MARE: Wh--oh--okay...hello?
MARE: Well happy fuckin' Hanukkah.
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: Okay, everyone back away! Hands off the merchandise!
DOCTOR: Holy wow, she's pretty!
FIREMAN: She looks like a movie star!
JAMES LIPTON: I would gladly give you double Waiterbetty's going rate for a slice of that fine pizza!
WAITERBOT: Sorry boys, this one ain't for sale. I've got bigger plans for my new girl. I call her...CHER WINNINGHAM.
WAITERBOT: And YES I believe that it's a good nickname for her. It was a coin toss between "Cher" and "Woodburning Wild Lily." I went with "Cher" because I figured you derelicts would take to calling her "WWL," an abbreviation for which I hold no love!
WAITERBOT: I am Waiterbot!
SANTA: Uh, this could be a problem, right?
MARE: A new Mare from another dimension? Yeah. It could be a BIG problem.
SANTA: Well, maybe we'll get lucky and find out that Mares from other dimensions are born nice.
MARE: Maybe. Once the boys stop drooling, I'll see if I can find out more about her.
MEANWHILE...
BOX: So Legotron...if we're stuck doing this crappy LEGO Calendar together, we might as well get to know each other. I'll start the questions: What's the deal with the extra heads?
LEGOTRON: What do you mean?
BOX: Do you just like the way they look, or do they give you some kind of boosted mental power?
LEGOTRON: Can't it be both?
BOX: I just think it'd be strange for someone to want to look that ridiculous if there wasn't some tangible advantage associated with it.
LEGOTRON: Hey Box, I have a question for you, too...
LEGOTRON: Did you know that nobody fucking likes you?
LATER!
CHER: Ummm...Mr. Waiterbot...is this really necessary?
WAITERBOT: Sorry my dear, but it has to be this way. I can't risk letting those pesky idiots ruin your pristine condition with their putrid fingerprints and slimy bite marks.
CHER: If you're just worried that I'm a flight risk or something, I promise...I won't run away.
WAITERBOT: Nah, honestly, I'd rather keep you in the cage if it's all the same to you. I'm kind of into this.
MARE: Waiterbot! What the hell are you doing?!
WAITERBOT: How dare you enter my lair!
MARE: You can't keep that girl locked up in a cage!
WAITERBOT: I can do whatever I please! I am Waiterbot!
MARE: But I have to talk to her! We don't know what she's capable of. Waiterbot, for your own safety...give up the Mare! You know how bad we can be!
WAITERBOT: I'll tell ya what. I'll set her free and let you talk to her...if you can name all fifty states.
MARE: I'm not playing your stupid games, Waiterbot. Eventually, you'll have to go to the bathroom or something. I'll talk with our new friend then.
WAITERBOT: I'll piss myself before I let that happen!
MARE: You're risking your own skin...you know that, right? For all we know, she plans to kill us all!
CHER: ...
MEANWHILE...
MISTA SNOWMAN: Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I can't believe Waiterbot's letting me get today's Playmobil gift all by myself! How can anyone give away that much fun?
MISTA SNOWMAN: WOW! It's a crown! And a...and a bedpan! Why, it's a crown and a bedpan!
THANK YOU JESUS
LATER!
TIGERBOY: Knacks, you said we'd be in Tahiti "in no time." Why are we setting up camp for the night again?
KNACKS: Remember the other day, when you told me that taste was subjective? Well, so is the definition of "in no time." Relax. Here, I'll pull some Christmas songs up on my iTunes.
TIGERBOY: Ugh, no thanks. I'm getting pretty tired of Christmas songs.
KNACKS: But I thought you loved Christmas! Tigerboy, come on...we live for Christmas!
TIGERBOY: I know Knacks, I know. It's just that I've been reading all of this stuff about other religions, and about what they do at this time of year. Like, did you know that Jewish people are getting presents right now? Totally true. And then there's paganism. Did you know that old paganism is actually where so many of our own traditions took root?
TIGERBOY: ...it must've been lot of fun back then. People did all sorts of wacky shit. Like, they'd yell at water for a little while, and then everyone would be convinced that the water had magical powers.
TIGERBOY: Can you imagine that? Whenever people spilled their drinks, they just wrote it off as another god appeasal!
KNACKS: What?! That's sick! This is a holy time of year...a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ! And to get presents from Advent Calendars!
TIGERBOY: I know that's what it means now, Knacks. I'm just saying that it didn't always mean that.
KNACKS: Yeah, well, what you're describing sounds like devil worship or something.
TIGERBOY: Oh, no, it was nothing like that...
TIGERBOY: ...I mean, it's not like they ressurected the dead or anything...
