HARE: We escaped Hell, we reclaimed our mortal vessels, and we destroyed the collective spirit of those who once opposed us.
HARE: But when will we strike the death blow?
CLAIRE: Whenever we want, my dear! The game is already over -- we've WON! We have those idiots on the run, and now they have to spend every waking moment worrying about our next attack! Revenge is delicious!
CLAIRE: Our savior will direct us to kill them soon enough. In the meantime, let us raise a glass to their mental torment!
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: Okay, assholes. Pay attention to what I am about to say.
WAITERBOT: Do you see this...INSTRUMENT...in my right hand? They call it a horn! Whenever this dark, rubber bulb is squeezed, the HORN blares forth with sounds so incredibly loud, they should be ILLEGAL!
WAITERBOT: ...and if you two assholes disobey my orders again, I shall plug the metal end of this horn into your ears, and then I shall squeeze the bulb with all the might that makes me Waiterbot! You'll suffer headaches for weeks!
WAITERBOT: Now go inside and never let me catch you plotting against me again! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
WAITERBOT: Yeah, that's right. You two keep on walking. Bitches.
WAITERBOT: I can't believe I've been reduced to this. I, the deity known as Waiterbot....training giant grey rats.
WAITERBOT: WHY did stupid Mare have to pick an abandoned fucking circus to serve as our secret hideout?
KNACKS: Hey Mare...you okay?
MARE: Not really, Knacks. Kuse hasn't said a word since that whole thing at the old house happened. At first I thought he was just upset about the mansion being destroyed, but it's gotta be more than that. Maybe he's kabourophobic.
KNACKS: He's probably just worried about Doctor and Waiterbetty. We all are. Nobody's seen or heard from them since that day.
MARE: I don't know. Kuse never seemed to like Doctor or Waiterbetty all that much.
KNACKS: Look, Mare. I know it's December 1st, and I'm sure this is the last thing you want to worry about, but...you know...the Advent Calendars?
MARE:Shit! I totally forgot about the Advent Calendars! Great...just what I fucking needed right now.
KNACKS: Sorry, I know it sucks. I doubt anyone's really in the spirit for daily gifts right now. But Cher and I want to help out, so we'll handle the Playmobil Calendar, okay?
MARE: Thanks, Knacks. That is a big help. Now I just gotta convince some unlikely duo to handle the stupid LEGO Calendar.
KNACKS: How about Box and Tigerboy? I'm sure they'd love the opportunity, all things considered.
MARE: I'll pass. Your friend and my son are really boring.
MEANWHILE...
HSSXXLLLO: Sooooo.....
HSSXXLLLO: Wanna talk about it?
HSSXXLLLO: Kuse?
HSSXXLLLO: ....
HSSXXLLLO: Fine whatever be that way.
LATER!
WAITERBOT: SCUMSUCKING GOLDEN PIGS! Now it is time for your daily dose of pitchfork prodding!
WAITERBOT: HA! Alliteration on December 1st! Like a grand slam on opening day!
MARE: Waiterbot! What the hell are you doing?!! Leave those poor lionesses alone!
WAITERBOT: Lionesses? These are no trains, girl...they are filthy animals and they must be taught!
MARE: Not now, Waiterbot! I need you to co-manage the LEGO Advent Calendar!
WAITERBOT: Th--the what?!
WAITERBOT: You expect ME to go out THERE, just to grab some lousy gifts off of the battered distant second of Advent Calendar lore, when we all KNOW that your evil sisters are actively hunting us?! WHY would you expect ME to do this?
MARE: Come on. Everyone needs you to step up. I need you to step up. Kuse is a mess, Knacks is handling Playmobil, and you're the only one left with enough, you know, muscle.
WAITERBOT: Muscle? You think I have muscle?
MARE: Oh, tons! It's why I've picked you to lead the LEGO team! Everyone knows that the strongest have the best chance for survival!
WAITERBOT: Muscles! I am muscular!
WAITERBOT: Okay Mare, you have yourself a deal. Just as long as my teammate isn't the fucking snowman.
MARE: Nope! I figured you'd have a problem with that after last year's charade, so I picked someone you have no prior working relationship with.
WAITERBOT: Excellent! Who?
MEANWHILE...
TIGERBOY: Checkin' out the ol' burnt Christmas tree?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Of course I am!
TIGERBOY: Been doing that for a while now, haven't you?
MISTA SNOWMAN: It makes me feel good!
TIGERBOY: Man, this whole thing has to really depress you. I mean, us living in an abandoned circus. It's not exactly a Christmassy kind of place, is it?
MISTA SNOWMAN: It is when you're looking at this!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Wait a second, what are you talking about? What's a circus? We're in a circus?
TIGERBOY:Yes we're in a circus! Jesus Christ, Mista Snowman...look around you! You mean to tell me that you never saw a circus before?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Wait, wait...circus...a circus. Wait, isn't that the place where you watch acrobats and eat peanuts?
TIGERBOY: Yep. That's the place.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod.
I
LOVE
CIRCUS PEANUTS!
I like acrobats just fine, too!
LATER!
KNACKS: I have to confess, Cher. Part of the reason I wanted us to do the Advent Calendar is so we could get a little "alone time." The abandoned circus could be worse, but it's pretty crowded in there.
KNACKS: Let's make out.
CHER: Knacks, how can you even think about that at a time like this? Your best friend is practically in a coma, and a few of your third tier friends are either dead or being held hostage by Hare and Claire! And need I mention the other thing?
KNACKS: The giant crabs that destroyed our house?
CHER: Yeah. Those were the cake-toppers.
KNACKS: Look Cher, I get it. I know that times are rough, but you have to remember...I'm used to this! I've seen evil come and go a thousand times, but good always triumphs at Christmas. We just gotta hang in there.
KNACKS: Try not to dwell on the bad stuff. Forget about Hare, and Claire, and the house, and those crabs, and Doctor and Waiterbetty...let's just pretend that all is hunky dory!
CHER: Fine, but we're still not making out.
KNACKS: Maybe opening today's gift box will help you change your mind.
KNACKS: I can't say for sure, but I think that is the BIGGEST Playmobil gift box I have EVER seen.
CHER: Yeah...almost big enough to hold one of the crabs that ate our house.
KNACKS: We weren't going to talk about that, remember?
CHER: Well, what the heck is it?
KNACKS: I'm not really sure. Could be a portion of a miniature golf course. Maybe golf is going to be the running theme of this year's Playmobil Advent Calendar?
WAITERBOT: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?! You don't even know the words!
JAMES LIPTON: Sorry.
WAITERBOT: Listen, Lipton...just because we have to do the LEGO Advent Calendar together, doesn't mean we have to be all chatty and friendly-like. Let's just do our business in silence and head home, also in silence.
JAMES LIPTON: Waiterbot, check-it-out! While you were talking, I opened today's LEGO gift chamber and found this life-sized slice of pop art. The tag calls it, "Man Eating Chicken."
