KNACKS: Let's see...got my dressy shoes, a couple of magazines, toothbrush...what am I forgetting?
MARE: He can't be serious. He really wants to seek out Hare and Claire? That's a suicide mission!
CHER: I know -- I told him that! He won't listen!
MARE: Why is he packing so many magazines?!
CHER: He's weird with his magazines. He goes ballistic if one of the cover pages get a fold or a tear. And he uses a hairdryer to safely remove the name and address labels. I guess he's some kind of magazine collector.
MARE: Nutty!
MARE: Kuse, you have to talk him out this!
KUSE: Me?! Why me?! Knacks hates me!
MARE: I don't want to hear it! Just go talk to him! He's your best friend...you've known him for longer than anyone else!
KUSE: Ugh...
KUSE: So, you're really planning to go fight Hare and Claire alone, huh?
KNACKS: Yep.
KUSE: Don't suppose I'd be able to talk you out of it, eh?
KNACKS: Nope.
KUSE: Knacks, I know you're pissed, but I'm not asking you to do this for me. Do it for Cher and Mare. They're worried about you, Knacks. What you're planning to do...there's no way it'll have a happy ending.
KNACKS: Sorry Kuse, but my legs are going numb from all the inactivity here. We both know that we're sitting ducks, and it's only a matter of time before those devils come to finish what they started last summer. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die fighting.
KUSE: So what, you're like G.I. Joe now or some shit?
KNACKS: Very funny. You know what I won't miss while I'm gone?
KNACKS: You.
LATER!
JAMES LIPTON: Can you believe this stuff about Knacks?! Going off to fight Hare and Claire alone...he's crazy!
WAITERBOT: Yes, yes, Knacks is leaving us. Christmas has come early. My only question is...if it does comes early, will it still come back on December 25th? I believe it should. Knacks leaving is a wonderful present, but if this is my only Christmas, I want some other things, too.
JAMES LIPTON: Don't be a jerk! You mean to tell me you're not sad?
WAITERBOT: Oh, I am sad. But not about this.
JAMES LIPTON: I'm really worried. Not worried enough to go with him, because that's crazy talk. But he's probably gonna die out there!
WAITERBOT: If what you say is true, you have just answered my question. Christmas can come twice.
JAMES LIPTON: Blech, I feel all nauseous. I should've at least given him some tips on hand-to-hand combat before we left.
WAITERBOT: And you'll have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life!
WAITERBOT: Now stop thinking your pathetic thoughts aloud, and help me carry my new LEGO Snoopy Doghouse home.
JAMES LIPTON: That's not a Snoopy Doghouse! It's isn't long enough!
WAITERBOT: Then it's half of a LEGO Snoopy Doghouse. 50% less than unbridled glory, but still 100% more than what you got today: A big fat nothing!
WAITERBOT: I am Waiterbot!
MEANWHILE...
I'M ALWAYS HAPPY
MISTA SNOWMAN: Mare, I'm so excited! Me and you, running the Playmobil Advent Calendar!
MARE: We did this once before, sort of. In 2003, I think? You forget.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I willfully forget! I refuse to process the irony!
MARE: I knew I shouldn't have let Knacks and Cher run an Advent Calendar. Now he's leaving, she's all messed up, and I'm stuck carting gifts home for the rest of the month!
MISTA SNOWMAN: A storybook ending!
MARE: Neat! We got a boar! A big, brown boar!
MISTA SNOWMAN: He's my new Christmas friend!
MARE: You're a cute little monster, aren't you? You seem pretty archetype as far as boars go. Actually, you look just like the boar from the cold cuts logo!
MARE: Hey wait a second...tell the truth...are you the same boar as the one from the cold cuts logo?
MISTA SNOWMAN: Mare, stop saying that about my new Christmas friend! He's not boring!
MARE: Not bore as in "boring," Mista Snowman. Boar! You know, like a pig?
MISTA SNOWMAN: You mean he's a pig?
MARE: Kind of. He's a pig cousin.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod.
MARE: What's the matter? You don't like pigs?
MISTA SNOWMAN: No, Mare...I love pigs! I LOVE PIGS!
SWINE IS FINE
LATER!
KUSE: Hssxxlllo, any luck on the clown front?
HSSXXLLLO: Nothing substantial yet. I've been researching like a madrabbit, though.
KUSE: That doesn't look like research.
HSSXXLLLO: Shut up, you don't know anything about how computers work.
HSSXXLLLO: I'll keep you posted. I'm starting to find little hints and small leads, but they all go nowhere and seem sort of neglected. It's frustrating.
KUSE: Look, just find out who the clown is, okay? Please.
HSSXXLLLO: You're being pushy. Go take a shit.
MEANWHILE...
KNACKS: I should've packed lighter. This stuff is a bitch to carry.
CHER: Knacks, wait! Hold on a second!
KNACKS: What's wrong, Cher? I thought we had a nice goodbye. I hope this one isn't awkward, because I was really leaving on a high note with our last one.
CHER: Screw the goodbyes, I'm coming with you!
KNACKS: Cher, we talked about this! It's too dangerous! I appreciate that you want to come with me, but I can't put you in harm's way.
CHER: Knacks, let's say you find Hare and Claire. What are you going to do...kick them? You need someone with hand energy.
KNACKS: Are you sure about this? I swear I won't be mad if you don't come.
CHER: I'm 100% sure. You're not leaving without me.
KNACKS: Okay then! We're off!
CHER: Our little raccoon is coming, too. He doesn't want to, but I'm making him.
KNACKS: Cool!
TIGERBOY: Hey guys wait up!!!
KNACKS: Tigerboy?! What's the matter?
TIGERBOY: I'm coming, too. You're going to need all the help you can get.
KNACKS: Now you want to come? What is this, the Rebel briefing from Return of the Jedi?
TIGERBOY: What?
KNACKS: Glad to have you with us, Tigerboy.
KNACKS: It's a scary world out there, guys. Stay alert!
