MARE: I can't believe Cher and Tigerboy went with Knacks. He's going to get them all killed!
KUSE: Let's not assume the worst, Mare. I'm hoping that they'll just get lost and wander aimlessly before heading home...no harm, no foul.
MARE: But Tigerboy is a natural hunter!
KUSE: Honey, how many times do we have to go over this? Tigerboy isn't a tiger! He just dresses like one because he's bonkers.
MARE: Look guys, we know you're all worried about Knacks and Cher and Tigerboy, but we have to stay strong! Historically, mid-December is when things start to get really bad for us. We have to protect ourselves and our circus!
LEGOTRON: Enough with the "rah-rah" speeches, guys...it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see that we're headed for trouble. I have a list of grievances about your leadership and I'm not going to be happy until we go through them.
BOX: Yeah, I'm a little concerned about our "master plan," too. Do we even have a master plan?
MARE: Of course we have a plan, Box! Our plan is to gather all of the information that we can, stock up on weapons, and wait for the bad guys to come to us. It's all about the home field advantage, son.
BOX: But what about Knacks, Cher and Tigerboy? We're just going to let them go after your sisters alone?
MARE: Well, remember, they brought that little baby raccoon with them, too. I'd say that there's a solid 10% chance that the raccoon has an amazing super power yet to be revealed.
BOX: You're reaching, Mom.
LEGOTRON: Kuse, I want to go over my list of grievances.
KUSE: Can you limit it to three grievances? Honestly, my head will explode if I have to listen to more than three grievances.
LEGOTRON: Yeah, I can do that.
LEGOTRON: My first grievance is that we've got a killer clown and a demon Santa locked in the backyard. You know it's just a matter of time before they escape, and what then? Either they'll attack us, or they'll lead Hare and Claire here. Maybe both. We should just kill them already.
LEGOTRON: My second grievance is that you let Knacks run off without so much as a walkie-talkie. It'd be nice if we could at least get updates from him, so we'd know if they well all okay or not. If they get in a jam and need our help, how are we supposed to know?
LEGOTRON: Do you want to come up with some solutions for my first two grievances before I continue?
KUSE: I'd rather hear all of 'em before we start haggling.
LEGOTRON: Okay, fine...
LEGOTRON: My third grievance is this boar. We have a gigantic backyard for him to run around in. Why is he in here? Why are we sleeping in the same space as a smelly, disgusting boar? He's not an indoor animal!
MEANWHILE...
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Fireman, this is it! Finally, a chance to raise our stock and become the true heroes of Christmas!
FIREMAN: How do you figure?
MAN EATING CHICKEN: With Knacks and his girlfriend and the tiger guy gone, there's a serious lack of star power here at the circus. Now we can sneak into frame, do some amazing shit, and bask in the glory of our newfound prominence!
MAN EATING CHICKEN: I still think you need some kind of gimmick, though. Have you come up with something a little more interesting than "random fireman" yet?
FIREMAN: Actually, I have. I was waiting for the right moment to make a strong debut, but I guess now's as good of a time as any.
MAN EATING CHICKEN: Okay, let's see it. Rock our worlds.
FIREMAN: Here goes!
MAN HOLDING BONE: I am no longer "Fireman." I am now..."Man Holding Bone."
MAN HOLDING BONE: Alternatively..."Mister Marrow."
MAN HOLDING BONE: What do you think?
MAN EATING CHICKEN: I think I'm going to punch you. You totally stole my chicken bit.
MAN HOLDING BONE: What?! Does this look like chicken to you? It's a bone! And it isn't even a chicken bone!
LATER!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Oh boy oh boy oh--
MARE: Mista Snowman, PLEASE! I know you're excited about today's gift, but I have a seriously twisted headache. Please, just this once...please keep your enthusiasm at a reasonable volume?
MISTA SNOWMAN: I'll be good, Mare. I promise!
MARE: Wow, looks like there are two presents in today's gift box!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Is this a test? Are you saying that just to see if I'll blow my top with Christmas passion?
MARE: No, I'm not kidding -- there really are two gifts in here!
MARE: Look, here's the first one...a bunch of fresh carrots!
MARE: Mista Snowman, no! You promised you wouldn't scream today!
MISTA SNOWMAN: Mare, I can't help it! I LOVE CARROTS!
BETA-CAROTENE
BETA-CAROTENE
CARROT CAKE
MARE: You know, I've always tried to defend you, but you're not making it easy for me.
MISTA SNOWMAN: I'm really sorry, Mare. I promise...I won't do it again.
MARE: Pinky swear?
MISTA SNOWMAN: I would if I could!
MEANWHILE...
WAITERBOT: Well now! This is more like it!
WAITERBOT: After a long string of terrible LEGO gifts, I finally got a good one! A new slave! Finally, a slave that won't die when I send him clam diving!
JAMES LIPTON: He's not your slave, Waiterbot! He's our new roommate!
WAITERBOT: You say tomato I say you're a fucking idiot.
WAITERBOT: Name?
BLUE: I'm Blue. I'm named after the predominant color of my outfit.
WAITERBOT: That's all well and good, but I think your outfit falls more into the category of turquoise. Your new name is Turquoise!
TURQUOISE: Shit.
JAMES LIPTON: Don't listen to him, Turquoise. You can be Blue if you don't want to be Turquoise.
TURQUOISE: I'm getting confused.
JAMES LIPTON: What I'm trying to say is...can I try on your headgear?
JAMES LIPTON: Man, I feel like a race car driver! It's like 1994 all over again! Vroooom!
TURQUOISE: Nice look, but I'll be needing my helmet back. I lose all my luster without it.
JAMES LIPTON:Vroooom SCREECH vrrroooooom! Hey Turquoise, have you ever wondered why the "prix" part of "grand prix" is spelled with an "x" and not an "e"?
MEANWHILE...
MARE: Okay, the second gift is a little bit heavier...hmmm, I'm not really sure what this one is.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Well, if it's even half as good as the carrots, I swear, I'm going to run to a bowling alley, rip off my head, bogart someone's lane, and throw the most action-packed celebratory strike in the history of Christmas!
MARE: Uh huh...
MARE: Any idea what these are? Pears? Or caramel apples? Some kind of squash, maybe? They smell like food, but I've never seen anything quite like them.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Are you saying that those are...mystery fruits?
MARE: Or maybe mystery vegetables. I really don't know.
MISTA SNOWMAN: Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod...
SECRET FOOD!
MEANWHILE...
CLAIRE: Oh God, this is too much. This is just priceless.
HARE: What's up, Claire?
CLAIRE: We just got the latest word on our enemies' whereabouts on the fax machine. You're not going to believe this...three of those morons went off by themselves, and they're coming to find us! L-O-L.
HARE: Are you kidding? Are they suicidal?!
CLAIRE: Guess so! Wouldn't you be if you were them?
CLAIRE: Good Christ, this is fantastic! I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they get here and realize how completely futile their little "war effort" was!
HARE: I almost feel bad for them. This is like watching a rat run into a snake pit.
